3 That day

Mom...

The day you left I had finally decided to face everything head on. I didn't want to hide anymore. I didn't want to ignore the problelm at hand. But it seem that I wouldn't get my wish.

Do you know the pain I had to go through, the suffering, the frustration. I was mentally worn out from all those years. But those couple of weeks that you were choosing to stay or go were the worst and most painful.

I couldn't stand watching you become thinner that paper, balder than a new born baby, and weaker than a child. I couldn't stand the smell of your room nor the constant visit of people who wanted to feel better about themselves.

I couldn't stand the stress of waiting, anticitpating, hoping it will all go away, that we could all go home and spend more time together. Eventually I couldn't hold on anymore.

But that day I stayed with you...

Do you remeber that I had stayed up dabbingyour lips with a wet cotton swab. That I massaged your bloated ankles. That I covered you when you got to cold. Talk to you despite your silence. Sat next to you. Made you comfortable. I had chosen to finally accept that I could only do these things for you.

But you didn't give me a chance, you didn't let me be there when you left, you didn't wait, you dind't let me say goodbye. Now I'm left with tears that won't shed and hopes that can't come true.

Was this daughter really that worthless....