2 Blessed

As luck would have it, my homeroom was located two floors up, on the other side of the building. I didn't want to run but ended up having to. The students were already tossing around a hacky sack as an introductory game when I entered. It was a scene I would become accustomed to throughout the day as it seemed like every teacher would have some sort of introductory game before they went through the arguably more interesting task of going through their syllabus. It wasn't that the games themselves were flawed-- it just seemed like everybody was reciting prerecorded answers when prompted. But it wasn't like I was any better of course. Name and Hobby: Allen Li, Reading.

True to my fears, I hardly recognized any of my new classmates and the ones that I did know didn't seem to recognize me. That was almost certainly my own fault though. I rarely reached out to other people no matter what kind of situation I was in--whether it was in school, church, with relatives. I had to count my blessings that Evelyn was my neighbor or I might have ended up friendless. There was once a time when I didn't feel this pathetic but that had been a long time ago. It hurt to remind myself of how much I've regressed. It would have disappointed grandpa. That was something I just couldn't accept or ignore.

There were plenty of people like me though; you could see the anxiety gnawing away at the eyes, paling their skin. There were plenty worse off as well. I had run into one wheelchair-bound boy whose legs had been amputated past the knees-- a defect likely bestowed to him at birth. It was only the first day but the other students were already giving him a wide berth. People would speak politely enough when addressing the boy but there was always an extra barrier of trepidation and pity. I suspected that some of the other students even harbored some amount of disgust.

I thought about the boy as I lined up for lunch, but it wasn't because I couldn't get the image of his legs out of my mind. Well, there was that, but he had something that I lacked. Fierce and confidant; he had the same eyes that grandpa once possessed. The same eyes that Evelyn had. I looked for her among the tables but then remembered that we had different lunch periods.

"Allen. Allen Li!" A familiar voice called out to me when I sat down to eat. It was somebody I least wanted to run into. At least not until I figured out what to say. Isaac Brooks was sitting with a group of his friends, some of whom I recognized from church. I didn't know them nearly as well as Isaac though. I waved back but when he noticed that I wasn't budging he walked over. "Haven't seen you in a while man. You should come eat with us."

I tried to politely refuse but he said something to his friends before taking his lunch and belongings over to my table.

"Is it cus I'm black?" he joked, bringing a wry smile to my face. "When's your audition?"

"3:40. How about you?"

"Horns are Thursday and Friday," Isaac said through bites of sandwich. "You need to tell me how it goes."

"I actually know somebody who's already in. I should have asked him how hard the audition was," I realized.

Isaac shook his head. "There's a new conductor this year. I heard rumors that he's planning on re-auditioning all current members too. Sounds like a real ball buster."

"Think we'll make it?"

"Well I don't know about you but I've got this in the bag." He picked at his vegetables thoughtfully. "As long as you've been practicing you'll make it. Have you been practicing?"

"Hopefully enough," There had been days after the funeral that I did nothing but practice. Other days where I could hardly muster the motivation to move my fingers. It's hard to tell whether you get anything out of practicing like that.

"Once you ace the audition you can put in a good word for me yeah? Don't do that if you bomb though."

"Sure."

Isaac nodded. "I'm gonna talk a bit with my friends before lunch is over. One more thing though. You ought to come to church again. I think it would be good for you."

"You really think that?"

I had sounded a lot more bitter than I would have liked but it didn't seem to bother Isaac. "Of course. The worship team's been a little... off. Gunther's a good guy and all but he's got a big head and no chops. Anyways, think about it."

I silently thanked Isaac as he returned to his table and promised to go to church at least one last time. I realized that disappearing without a word was almost like I had turned my back on my second family in a way. The shame had made me wary of speaking to Isaac again but I had been worrying for nothing.

As I filed out of the cafeteria while the bell blared, surrounded by the sea of strangers that had instilled a sense of loneliness earlier, I was feeling at peace instead. Although grandpa was now gone, I was still riding on his blessings. He had lit the path forward, but I needed the conviction to follow.