9 Chapter 9

If you’ll ask me, I don’t want to go home yet. I must admit, I’m really disappointed with why I discovered.

I expect too much.

I thought that we can live like a normal family. I expected too much from him.

But who am I kidding right? We all know that there's no love in us. And he is in love with someone else.

I thought that I could replace her. But I was wrong. I can never replace her.

Even if he married me, its still her. He still loves her.

I didn’t notice that my tears began to pour again.

I feel the pain in my chest. And this pain is very familiar to me. I felt the same pain when I found out about my parent's view on my existence.

Flashback

I was about to go to my parent's room when I heard them arguing.

I was shocked when I heard them shouting at each other. This was the first time, because they never argue, because they seldom talk.

I know that I should leave them. But I didn’t know why I stay there and started to listen to their argument.

I didn’t know what is their argument about that’s why I felt shock when I heard my name.

“I already done my part in this freaking relationship. I gave birth to Mara, I already done my part. You already have an heiress!” My mom shout.

“What are you talking about? Heiress? Then you should have made her a guy, I need an heir not an heiress!” My dad shout back.

I didn’t seem to notice that I’m already crying.

My mom smirks. “Really? Isn't it an advantage to you? You already arrange her marriage with Mr. Ottave's son. What was his name again? Maru?! Right! And after their marriage, your money, power and influence will surely be the same with the Ottave.”

I was still young that time, but my heart already felt the pain of rejection and being unwanted.

And now I am feeling the same pain again. Pain because of rejection and being unwanted.

I only dream for simple things in life. Not money, power or material things. I just wanted to feel love and be loved. Because I felt like they deprived me of love.

Love from my parents...

And now, love from my husband.

But I think just like my parents, Maru’s love will be impossible to have.

My husband is in love with someone else. And he's just with me because of obligation.

I was so tired when I reach home. I just want to lay down and get some rest. I feel so drained.

When I enter the house I saw Maru waiting for me in the living room.

“Finally hon your home!” He looks worried.

I felt nothing. I guess I'm back with the old Mara.

He hug me but I didn't hug him back.

He caressed my face. “Hey hon are you okay?”

I remained poker face. “I'm okay. Just tired. I’ll just go the room and sleep.”

I was about to walk past him when he grab my hand.

“I heard from my secretary that you were in the office.”

I look at him with no emotion. “Yes.”

“You heard us.”

“Yes.”

He faced me, I can see worries and fear in his eyes. But I set that aside. “Don't believe on dad.”

I just look at him showing no emotion.

“Hon please don't believe him.” He sounds pleading.

“I actually don't care.” I sounded so bored.

His eyed widen a bit of shock and confuse.

“Y-you don't c-care?” He asked again.

I smirk. “I think you’ve already forgotten, we just married for business. There's no love in us Maru. So if you really want to continue your relationship with Jana, then go ahead. No one is stopping you. I don’t really care.”

I didn’t know how I do that. Even I myself believe that I don’t care about it. Maybe I’m just exhausted from all of this that’s why I easily accepted it. That I will never experience love, not in this lifetime.

Maru slowly release his hold in my hand. It's as if he is absorbing what I said.

“You really mean that?”

I can see pain in his eyes but I chose to ignore it.

I will not let myself be deceived again by him.

Today's revelation is a big slap on my face. I should stop dreaming and face the reality.

“Yes. So if you'll excuse me, I want to go to my room because I so tired and I want to rest.”