9 Rebel

Nara's POV

You are summer

I like you babe

But it's my demise

I am ice

And winter feels so warm

Intellectual eyes to search my soul

It's hollow inside but you don't know

You walk on eggshells, afraid to hurt

My dear, I'm broken

What's more you could do?

You can't burn me if I'm already ash

I warn you because

I want you just as much

But I can't

I want you...in me

Kill me, ruin me

I want you

Don't touch me

I want you in my

Head~. (cue high note)

...decide.

(Instrumental)

Feel my pulse

You know 'm dead

So save me now

So wake me

Up~

...inside.

You smile so sweet

My heart is cold

You take my hand

I leave your hold

Curse my heart, for I can't

Love~

...you right.

"So?", I turned my head from the screen to look at RM. His eyes were closed, brows furrowed in concentration. "What do you think?"

He opened his eyes slowly, staring at the monitor. "Can you play it again?", he asked, not looking at me.

"Sure", I clicked replay and he closed his eyes again. I watched his face as I waited, the creases on his forehead disappearing and leaving in place a rather peaceful expression. As if he stopped thinking and decided to just let the music wash over him. I know, because I do it too. This was the second song I made him listen, the first one being 'Rebel'. Rebel was the title track of my mixtape, if I can call it a mixtape because it has less rap and more ballads. Like the one I was playing right now, 'Haven', a hidden track, starts with rap and gradually morphs into a tear inducing ballad. The vocal half has a lot of high notes and hitting them was an achievement of a lifetime because I sing worse than a frog. My voice is originally a lot deeper than other girls (Jieun says it's husky) and it also breaks a lot. Guess I was born to be a rapper.

The song ends and RM opens his eyes. I wait till he speaks.

"It's the EDM", he says in a low voice, almost a whisper.

"Yes?", I say in english and he straightens his back, taking a deep breath and pulling back the headphones.

"May I?", he reaches for the mouse and I let him, scooting back in my chair. He closes the player and opens the remix file, bringing it to the hook. He plays it once, nods to himself and replays the whole thing. He takes off the headphones and puts them on me, clicking play. "This part", he points on the screen with his index finger when it reaches the hook. I close my eyes and concentrate on the beats. "Do you see that?", he asks when the song ends and I pull back the headphones. He walks up behind me and puts his hands on either side of my chair.

"Right here", he points at the screen again, leaning over me. "This is where it itches, right? Where it goes wrong"

"....yeah", I agree a little slowly, narrowing my eyes at the screen.

"You don't like this part because of the upbeat vibes. Even without lyrics, it is off-putting to your sentiments. It clashes, not able to blend in....", his eyes danced between me and the song arrangement on the screen, using hand gestures and patting my shoulder so I understood, ".....like a curse word in a serenade. The audience may like it but it's not what you want. What you want is to keep the vibe. Which may sound selfish because it's supposed to be a remix, but that's not it", he paused and continued when I nodded for him to go on, "So. It's not selfish because you're not doubting your skills right now. You're doubting the medium. Let me explain. The original song creates a certain mood. The second one takes it to the next level but the remix just sort of dulls the experience. You don't want that. What you want is for it to stay true to its element. Am I right?"

I was at a loss for words, my mouth hanging open in an 'o' as he gave me exactly what I wanted on a silver platter. All I did was show him two of my works, not pour my heart out to him. He was still looking at me when I realised he had asked a question.

" erm, yeah!", my voice came out louder than I expected. "T-that's exactly what I...", want? Meant? "....muh- erm...wen...", I frowned at my sudden disability to form coherent words. Meant. M-e-a-n-t.

"Wen?", he rose a brow.

"Ani...I mean w-uh.....mant!"

He chuckled, "you mean, 'meant' "

"....yeah", I groan in embarrassment, scrunching my eyes shut and smashing my head on the desk, "that's what I meant"

My cap shifts back at the action and he removes it, placing it beside my head on the table. I turn my head to stare at it, resting my cheek on the wood. I lift my hand from my lap and trace the threaded square on the front when he suddenly pats my head. I freeze at the contact, fingers raised mid-action as a million sleeping sentiments buzz to life within me.

No, I say inside my head. Not now.

Ever so slowly, I tear my eyes from the baby blue headgear and fix them on him.

"Don't do that", I say with seriousness.

"Sorry", he says light-heartedly, still smiling as he increases the distance between us, standing up straighter and moving back a little.

Thank you.

I relax.

"But you were being so cute", he says out of the blue. His long arm easily reaches across the distance and he taps his index finger on the tip of my nose. I blink. Someone coughs and I sit up, head whipping to the door.

"Annyeong!", Jimin waves, sticking his head in. It doesn't look like he just arrived. We greet him back in unison and I grow a little wary of the mischief twinkling in his eyes.

"Don't worry", he says in english then continues in hangul, "I didn't get a word of what the two of you were talking about"

That's right, I realised. We were talking in english the whole time. I put an arm over the back of the chair, watching him because the glint in his eyes said a completely different story.

"...are you sure?", I ask and he nods, stepping inside grinning.

"....except the last part", He looks pointedly at RM, "Those were easy sentences"

RM just shakes his head as Jimin starts laughing. He shoves RM by the shoulder and acts like he was super grossed out, cringing. I can't help but smile at the scene. They look like real siblings.

"Aaish, hyung...", Jimin takes out his phone, taps once and passes it to RM. The latter looks confused but then Yoongi's voice crackles through the speaker and he takes it. Jimin plugs his fingers in his ears as he walks over to stand beside me. I give him a curious look and he playfully sticks out his tongue. "Just watch", he says, low enough for me to hear and uses his hands to cover his ears completely. A moment later, I understand why. I wince and even RM holds the phone at a distance as Yoongi starts spitting curses too native for me to understand. He seems furious for some reason. He probably cursed before and after every breath cause I didn't understand a word of what the call was about. RM apologises repeatedly and cuts the line after saying that he'll be there right away. He hands the phone back to its owner who is by now rolling on the carpeted floor.

"Sorry about that", he gives me an apologetic look, "I didn't bring my phone along"

"It's okay", I smile, "but what was that about?"

"Namjoon-hyung...", Jimin wheezes, gathering his breath, "...at the dorm...rice...Jin-hyung was-pfft! Hahaha! He was so mad he blew up on Suga-hyung and-", he took a deep breath after managing to sit up. He exhaled an lay down on his back in a spread eagle position. "Oh...my.....gawd.......!"

He didn't say anything after that and just concentrated on breathing, pursing his lips to keep from laughing again. RM was just staring at the floor. He blew out his cheeks and looked up. "Anyways, about that problem"

I hummed.

"You can just delete the entire hook"

I rose my brows. "All of it?"

"Yeah. It doesn't belong there anyway"

My lips stretched in a genuine smile. He really helped me out today. He stared at my face and kept at it till I cleared my throat. Boy, I know I'm not unpleasant to look at but-

"Don't you have to go?"

"Yeah", he sighed, "we'll talk later"

"Of course you will~", Jimin commented from down below. RM ignored the remark and helped the younger get up. They left together, closing the door behind them. I turned back to the screen.

Time to work.

Not this again!

I smashed my head on the table, unable to concentrate. I groan as my mind keeps diverting to other irrelevant issues. I have never been comfortable being alone with a person of the other sex. In an enclosed space at that too. Then why? He was standing too close for comfort, I could hear the sound of his breath when he leaned from behind me. His face was inches away when I turned to look at him. I even saw the tiny mole on his neck! Then why on earth was I unbothered?

Maybe I'm growing out of it.

I smiled at the possibility.

But why the dickens did he pat my head? And why did I start feeling weird all over?

WHY THE HELL DID I STUTTER?

I fisted my hair, tugging at it and screaming in frustration. Sitting up, I blew the hair out of my face. I scowled, gritting my teeth.

Kim Namjoon

I pushed the glasses higher on the bridge of my nose.

Watch your back, mister.