1 My First Love: Time To End This Unwanted Feeling

Tic tac tic tac….

The room was silent. The only thing one could hear was the periodic ticking of the old grandfather clock on the wall. Liam sat on the bed, his back leaning on the pillow. He watched silently at the clock in the dim light of the oil lamp by his bedside.

The hour hand following the minute hand, the minute hand following the second hand until all of them reached number 8. But the man did not notice this.

*tring…tring…*

The alarm clock rang jerking up the man from whatever he was thinking.

POV Liam

"Huh?? Is it time already?" I looked at the clock squinting my eyes. Once again I feel heavy and tired but I am not sleepy. I haven't slept a wink the entire night.

The phone beside me vibrated slightly as it lit up. I slowly reach out to take it and I feel I have no energy within me. I know who the message belongs to.

"Should I see it?" I ask myself but my excited and trained hand had already opened up the chat head.

"Damn!" I curse myself for being such a wimp, such a fool in love but still I eagerly read the message even though I know it hurts me because the message belongs to him.

...…..

'Don't be late.' That was the only message I could see beside the name of the sender which was imprinted on my mind.

"I know…I won't." I smile as I reply but my eyes betray me. I can feel the corner of my eyes getting wet and before I know it drops of tear fall down on the screen of my phone blurring my vision.

"I am sorry but this is the last time I will be seeing you." I choke on my words as tear spills from my eyes like a flowing river.

Who says boys don't cry? Who says boys should not cry? If people disown boys for crying then...

I disregard all these questions and norms as I cry howling in pain clutching my heart. My heart hurts as if someone is grasping it in their hand and squeezing it as they played with it.

A sad whimper leaves my mouth as I try to stop myself by biting my lips until I could taste the metallic taste of blood. I don't want to cry but the pain is killing me.

But my heart was in the grasp of someone and it was none other than my childhood friend and the love of my life, ROBERT.

And today was the big day for him. Today was the day my Robert was getting married. He was going to get his own life. He was not going to be mine anymore.

Disspirited I get up from my bed slowly, wiping my tears.

"Be good Liam. Be a good boy…You should…be..h-happy fo-or him." I try to console myself but you see I am a liar. I don't want this. I can't be happy for him when I am dying here in the pain.

.

.

A few hours later.

(Scene: A church garden for marriage.)

"Hey man, what took you so long?" Robert comes towards me with a smile pasted on his face.

'Damn, he looks as handsome as ever..' I cursed in my heart for once again being head over heels for his look and built.

Clad in a black and white marriage suit, Robert looked more handsome than ever. His black hair carefully combed back on his head with a little gell outlined on his forehead. He questions me by looking at me with his well seductive deep black eyes.

I almost lost myself in them again.

"Traffic problem." I lied scratching my head.

"Congratulations man!" I slapped him on his arm as I congratulated him with a smile. "Getting such a beautiful wife…you are a lucky man." I joked with him.

"Thank you." He smiled showing his perfect row of teeth but there was somehow a little bit of disappointment in his eyes.

But I did not notice it and neither I am in the condition to notice it when I have my moods down in ditches.

'Perfect teeth.' I think looking at him smiling.

I know I am a fool. Even his teeth look perfect in my eyes.

"I am so jealous man." I keep my hand on his shoulder like how a normal friend would. There was no intimacy no romance no feeling. Only a pure brotherhood and friendship.

Yes, I am jealous but not of him but of the girl who was walking down the aisle holding a bouquet advancing towards us….to be precise...She was walking towards Robert.

'I am jealous..' I feel my heart getting sour and bitter and my eyes getting wet with every step she took towards him.

"Shelly!" Robert looked with affection and love at the beautiful woman in a white wedding dress which was a dream impossible for him.

Shelly looks at me with a smile as sunny as the sun shining in the sky. "Hey Liam, good to see you."

'My what an angel..' I think looking at her pure and innocent smile. In front of the soft and delicate-looking maiden, I am just a big man with rough skin and a hard build.

Shelly is the most beautiful girl in the whole of our workplace. I was the one who introduced her to Robert in a small gathering.

'If only I hadn't let them meet...' I consider the possibility of not having to see this day but I shrug it off. I am ashamed of my own ugly heart.

'At least she is okay to be with him.' I feel reassured leaving Robert in safe and good hands. Although I have known Shelly for only half a year or so I knew she was a nice girl.

'Hah….I am still worried about him…' I am a hopeless person. Breaking my sad monologue the priest spoke.

"Do you take this woman to be your wife?" The priest asked Robert.

"Yes I do," Robert replies in his rich honey-like voice.

A crack in my heart...

"Do you take this man to be your husband?" The priest questions Sheila.

"Yes, I do." She replies in her sweet and melodious voice.

Another crack...I feel my heart slowly breaking....

"Do you promise to be with each other, take care of each other in times of happiness and sadness?"

"Yes, I do." Both of them look at each other with a deep longing and answer together.

"Then from today onwards, I declare you husband and wife."

It is finally over. Finally, everything's done and ended for good.

I watch clenching my fist as the two pairs of lips close their distance in a short and sweet kiss that lasted for 4 seconds at most but for me, it is equivalent to 4 years.

The priest declared the successful marriage making the audience and participants cheer loudly.

And I am the one who was clapping the loudest. "Yoo hoo.." I cheered from the sidelines clapping as hard and loud as I could.

Those people who saw me would probably think I am the happiest man for their marriage but no. I was clapping to ignore the pain of my thumping heart. I want to just focus on the pain in my hand.

.

.

"Hey, Robert," I called the man who was busy receiving the gifts.

"Hmm?" He looks at me with those eyes once again making me lose my determination.

"I need to be somewhere." I make an excuse to go away from the party.

"Really?? Then be back soon. I will be waiting." He looks at me with the sweetest smile ever before turning back to greet the guests.

'I will be waiting huh?' I mock myself in my heart. 'Please don't wait for me anymore.'

Bidding him bye I exit the church and directly grab a taxi to the airport.

"Hey, Leo." I greet my friend who has been waiting for me as soon as I reach the entrance of the airport.

"You sure about this?" He questionably looks at me as he hands me the passport and my bags. He is the only person who knew about this dark secret of mine and accepted me.

"Yes, I am leaving behind everything. Call me a coward but that's who I am." I pat him on his back. I am thankful for everything he has done for me these past years of our friendship.

"Take care, Leo." Before entering I turn back to look at him again.

"Congratulations on your first child, man." I smile at him sincerely and this is the only thing that kept me happy this terrible day.

"Yes, she is a healthy girl..hehe" Smiling like a dork he thanks me but he has the glint of pride in his eyes for being a dad.

"I am going." I wave my hand and start walking.

I hurry up towards the checkpoint never looking back but somewhere in my heart I was wishing for him to come looking for me but….

"Life is not a movie." I sighed as the plane took off to another country.