January

"You're nothing to me, you're nothing to your mum. She didn't want you and neither do I. You're a worthless piece of trash and there is a reason you have no friends. You're fat, you're ugly, and not even your own mother wanted you. She took horse abortion three times to get rid of you. You do nothing for me, for the last 13 years I have fed you, clothed you, and you have never given me anything in return. You are the biggest waste of space, of oxygen, that I have ever met. I hate that I share the same air as you. You should be ashamed of who you are as a person, because you'll never get anywhere in life."

I wipe the tears from my face. The words hurt, but at this point I just have to listen. Some day I will grow into my big girl britches and be brave, and stand up for myself. I decided on not saying anything and just letting him vent. I hate getting yelled at, and what was it for this time? Oh yeah, I cut myself while washing dishes and got blood all over everything. I didn't get help cleaning it either. I'm currently sitting here with a rag on my finger and it's bleeding through. I probably need stitches, but I couldn't do that myself. I'm not that brave. "You're ignoring me now?" Shiet, I fell into his trap. Why does he have to drink? Why can't he just be a good dad to me, like he is for my siblings? "On the floor, give me 50 push-ups. Everytime you do one wrong it's another 50." I start pushing as he walks over and grabs the fly swatter. I look at the way he's holding it, pink part in hand. Great, I'm about to be hit for the next three hours. On my 20th push-up, I slip on my tears and sweat that's been forming, and, as I felt the cold, thin metal across my lower back, I let out a scream and fall to the ground. "That's another 100 pushups right there. Don't scream when I hit you." This goes on until he blacks out from all the alcohol. I excuse myself from the situation as quietly as I could to avoid waking him up. I go to the pantry and grab the super glue. I headed to the bathroom and peeled off the rag. Luckily, my finger was still bleeding so the rag didn't stick. I poured alcohol on my finger and hold back a scream from the pain it caused. I oopened the super glue and rinsed the blood off my finger again and held the wound shut. I poured super glue onto my cut carefully so that it would hold the wound shut. As I waited for the glue to dry, I looked for some electrical tape to tape over the glue.

As I was headed to bed and laid down next to my sister, I almost cried out in pain at the welts that were so clearly forming on my back. I decided to sit up and read but I couldn't stay in this stuffy house right now.  I needed to leave, right now. I grabbed Anne of Green Gables and a flashlight, then proceeded to head for the Clar Creek bridge by our house. As I'm walking there, a truck drives by, I feel like I recognize it by the sound, but I choose to ignore it and keep walking. I'm stopped by the truck, about 12 feet from the bridge. The truck I recognized was indeed Tyler's. He rolls down his window and says something that I couldn't hear. He's my neighbor, I can trust him.

"Hey, you want a ride?" Tyler is wearing this smile that says, "Trust me."

"No, I'm alright. Thank you though." I really just wanted to be alone at the moment.

"Just come in for a second then. It's really cold outside. You might get sick, or someone might stop and hurt you. You are a pretty young and beautiful girl." I don't understand what he meant by that, we live in a town of 300 people max. He kept looking at me, awaiting an answer. Since it was cold outside, I got into his pickup. After all, it was January. However, as Tyler started driving down the road, my heart stopped.

"Where are you going?" We were supposed to be staying right here, not for a drive.

"I'm just moving off the road, to be safe." He still didn't make any sense. I looked at the clock and it was 12:29 at night. "Do you want to have sex?" Wait... what? I'm 13, he's 19. "No, I don't want to." He proceeded to ask five more times, each time saying no. The last thing I remember is a pain in my head, and waking up with my pants and underwear around one leg. Pain erupted in my nether region, and I realized Tyler was holding one of my legs above his shoulder, pinning the other one down while thrusting his body into mine. Tears started escaping my eyes. This was my first time. It was supposed to be shared with someone special. I look at the time again. "1:48AM."

Tyler lets go of my pinned leg and grabs my face. "Look at me, let me see your pretty face, those beautiful tears. Do you know how long I've wanted to do this for?" He lets out a moan and I feel a strange throbbing in my body, letting out more bursts of pain. He pulls out of my body, which was more painful then everything else that had happened. I sat up really fast and reached for the door, but it was locked. I felt Tyler grab my hair, whipping me around with it. Watched him peel off the rubber, and then pushed my face down to his lap. "If you bite, or do anything to hurt me, I swear you will not live to see the day." He then shoved his groin into my mouth, causing me to feel sick, back so far it hurt. I didn't know if I wanted to live at this point, but my siblings needed me. They only have me in this life, I have to endure. He keeps going and I hold back my vomit and just cry as he moves my head up and down. The violent jerks pulling the hair out of my head, my tears falling down and surely soaking his lap, but clearly he didn't care. Another set of moans escaped his mouth and he moves my head faster and faster, until my mouth is filled with a disgusting substance tasting like piss.

He grabs my mouth and looks into my eyes as I'm about to puke. "Swallow. Now." I hold back my vomit and cry as I'm forced to swallow while his hands are around my neck. "What a good girl, this is a great birthday present." He then puts his clothes on and demands I do the same. As I'm crying and putting my clothes on, he drives somewhere, and drops me off by the bridge again. He threw my long forgotten book and flashlight out after me and drove off. I collapse on the ground and start bawling, asking God why he did this to me, and what I did to deserve this in my life. I saw more car lights coming up the road and got up to run. I tripped over the pain everywhere on my body, but proceded to run where I thought I could be safe. That's where I was wrong, so very wrong.