60 Your small shoulders, your small hands

Mark

As soon as Antonia decided she wanted to talk about our solo albums, she was quickly all business. She was as intense as she appears onstage, maybe even more so because she was just a few feet away. Her eyes were blazing.

We had moved to the recording studio. She wanted to talk about what kind of albums we were going to put out, what kind of singers we were going to be on these albums, individually. Our individual concepts. To be able to make us understand what exactly she meant, she wanted Steve to play certain songs he wrote whose demos she had heard already but were not sold or used yet. Steve sorted through his computer for those songs while Antonia tried to describe the songs she meant. "That song with only the piano as the background," she said.

"Most of them only have piano as background because that's how I wrote them," Steve complained.

"The one you said will only have the piano as background," Antonia said. "The quiet one."

"Obviously, Burt's going to be doing ballads," I said under my breath. Well, I thought I said it under my breath, but apparently everyone heard me.

"Well, yes and no," Antonia said. "Everyone's going to be singing ballads, but we're not giving Burt the obvious ballads."

"Is 'What are obvious ballads?' a stupid question?" LJ asked.

"Yeah, I don't even know the answer to that," Jamie muttered.

"Name a ballad you guys released," Antonia said, like it was a game show.

"Hunger," we all replied. But only because that was the ballad with the music video where she was half naked in it.

"Baby I Need You," was Missy's answer. Steve looked away from his computer to share a smile with her.

"I saw that," I said, and they both looked away from each other, giggling like teenagers.

"We all saw that, who cares, let them be gross," Jamie said.

Antonia, who had been glaring at Missy, turned her glare at Jamie. He looked back at her, unperturbed.

Steve saved them (and us) from their possible, totally unwanted confrontation by playing the track that Antonia meant. "Is this it?"

Steve's voice and the first note on the piano started at the same time. The first verses were a bit low, not even Steve's normal range, suited for Burt. Maybe this was why Antonia asked for this song.

"See, it's a ballad," I said.

"How is it different from Hunger, though?" Antonia asked me.

"It's not about sex," Jamie replied.

Burt, who was quiet this whole time, though he is always quiet, swatted Jamie's arm. "Jame, be serious," he scolded.

"No, Jamie's right," Antonia nodded. "It's soulful singing on a simple melodic line, no R&B, no sexual come ons, just raw emotion."

We listened to the lyrics. Steve was asking Girl to put her hands on his neck and ease his tired shoulders in a compelling breathy whisper, but yeah, it wasn't sexy. He slid his voice into the next octave to sing the chorus, where he tells Girl that her small shoulders were his sanctuary that he looked forward to when he comes home at night. It wasn't seductive. He was looking for comfort.

"So, you're giving me the eunuch ballads," Burt confirmed, drily.

Jamie swatted him. "_You_ be serious," he scolded back.

"I'm sorry if I'm a little offended that you guys don't think I'm sexy," Burt snorted. "I have a child, obviously someone found me sexy enough once."

"Burt, don't be silly, you're very sexy but that's not why we're not giving you the sexy ballads," Antonia diffused the tension by laughing. "We're going to show off that voice of yours. All your songs will either be ballads backed up by an orchestra or a string quartet or acoustic instruments or deliciously downtempo and you will have notes that don't end and soar into the upper registers."

"We're not giving him this song, though, I'm going to sing this," Steve said, stopping the track.

"Is your concept eunuch ballads too?" Jamie asked him. "I thought for sure you were getting the sexy songs." There was nothing playful about Jamie's sarcasm right now.

"And why would you think that, Jame?" Steve eyed him testily. I leaned forward in my chair in case they started into each other.

"Steve will write all his songs so I decided he gets to choose his own concept," Antonia cut in between them, obviously aware that she was the cause of this tension. Or maybe she wasn't all that aware. "And anyway, he's going to be sexy whether we make him overly sexy or not."

Ugh, Antonia, shut up. I was too far away from Jamie but I saw LJ put his head on Jamie's shoulder as if he were sleepy, but really just trying to calm him down. I saw Jamie unclench his fists and wipe his palms on his pants.

"Hmph," Missy hmphed a little too loudly.

"Gee thanks," Burt said. "That makes me feel so much better." LJ and I had to laugh at that, because we're immature. Both Steve and Jamie were smirking, not because they were more mature, but because they were about to punch each other just a few seconds ago.

"So who's getting the sexy songs?" Burt wanted to know.

I held my breath in fear. I just knew it was going to be me.

"LJ," Antonia replied.

"LJ?!!"