66 You’re totally missing the point

Jamie

We were all sitting by ourselves in Steve's living room, watching the news on TV, waiting for someone to call us and tell us what was going on. Except for Steve. He was still in the recording studio, staring at his computer.

A week after I lost my virginity to Chastity, she had sex with Steve. I was not surprised, I had no illusions that Chastity was in love with me or anything, and I knew she was the kind of girl who was into that kind of thing. I chastised myself, pun intended, that maybe this was the only way I was going to lose my virginity. It was a vulnerable time for me, starting out in a famous boyband where people only remember Mark or LJ, and constantly couldn't tell me and Burt apart. But I knew Chas would probably want to have sex with the more attractive members of the band, and I thought at the time, well of course.

What surprised me was the part where it was Steve that she slept with next, not Mark or LJ. Around that time, Steve was with Kyle. I knew because Steve was my roommate and told me everything they did. I seriously believe I had mediocre sex with Chastity because I had no idea what to do with a girl, while I had good theoretical knowledge on where you put it in a guy, what to hold, how to angle yourself, etc. That I had this knowledge but had no desire to apply it had convinced me that I wasn't gay.

Steve told me about Chastity, too. How she started groping him and asking him why he didn't like girls and why don't they play a game, that if she doesn't get him to come, she would give him a hundred bucks. He said it was very hot, like a porn movie, and he was glad he had just gotten paid for a variety show that day because he knew he was going to lose as soon as she straddled him. How she kept saying she liked our room because it smelled like me and she really liked me and how big my dick was.

I squirmed when he mentioned that and how he looked at me like he wanted to see it for himself. Yep. I'm really not gay.

"So, are you straight now, too?" I asked him to change the subject.

"It's okay," he shrugged. "You're totally missing the point, though."

I knew the point he was trying to make and made sure to miss it. I missed it for the rest of our friendship. It was the only way I knew for us to stay friends.

Now that I think about that time when Steve first slept with Chastity, launching her unfortunate, fatal obsession with Steve, I can understand why Antonia, too. It's still upsetting, but I understand. The way Antonia was talking earlier, it seems like it was before Steve developed his own obsession with Missy. Which means he was still obsessed with me.

The problem with obsessions is they're usually unrequited, otherwise you would be happy and living normally ever after. Case in point: Missy missing Steve's point since Baby I Need You. Case in point: Mark stalking Kate with my social media account.

Case in point: my own obsession with Antonia. Would it have lasted if she slept with me? The way I feel now, being obsessed with her all this time, the answer is you bet. But if it happened years and years ago, probably not. I know in my heart that we would never have lasted, and I would move on, have a normal ever after with Veronica.

Oh shit. Veronica.

I walked towards where Mark was sitting and pulled my phone from his hands. He didn't even look up at me. I scrolled through my notifications to see if Veronica had tried to message me. Nope. I looked at her social media account. Her last post was a selfie behind the scenes of a photo shoot she had yesterday. I realised she was already in that stupid skirt.

I checked chat. She was online now. I stared at her userpic and wondered how she could smile so easily.

Mark grabbed the phone back, checked my notifications again. Locked the screen and tucked it in his palm as he looked up at the TV again. I thought about taking my phone back but also thought, well it's kinda useless, isn't it?

Suddenly, we heard a door slam. We all looked up and at each other. None of us had moved. Then we heard a car start outside.

"Steve!" Missy got up and ran for the door. We rushed after her.

Steve's car was no longer in the driveway. We all ran in different directions to where we parked our cars two blocks away.