48 Like looking in a mirror

Jamie

Antonia smiled at me. "Hey, handsome. Do you have a minute?"

I swallowed. "Now's actually not a good time," I coughed.

I wondered if she could smell Veronica. I stepped back a bit.

"Jamie," she took a step forward. Because nobody says no to Antonia. "Last night at Steve's, I heard Mark tell Steve that you heard Steve and I talking about us."

Oh fuck, all my nightmares suddenly coming true before me.

She took another step forward. "I think we need to talk about that. I think it's important..."

"It's stupid and Mark blew it out of proportion," I quickly interrupted her. She looked like she was about to walk into my house and I started to panic.

"Is it?" she looked at me. Her big eyes were so bright and beautiful.

I never doubted my adoration for Antonia but I never in my life, even for one moment, hoped that she would see me. Much less like me back. She was a goddess and I was a worm.

I remembered the day she got married the first time. I was crying like an idiot and Steve was trying to comfort me. I was also hurt that the guys thought it was just a stupid crush anyway, and I remember how painful my chest was. "Why is it a physical pain? Do you feel this physical pain for your stupid crushes?" I asked Steve.

He said, "You're seriously breaking my heart right now, so I guess."

I punched his chest as Burt came into the dorm room, it was a weird push and pull thing between me and Steve, I was punching him and trying to move away and he was pulling me into I guess a hug or something and we struggled for a second, but Burt came in so Steve let me go and I tried to pretend I wasn't crying but I must have looked really pathetic anyway. Anyway, she got divorced 5 months later and I was so pissed off that the guys couldn't talk to me for a week.

We were all invited to her next wedding but I didn't go, of course. I was so angry that I was in love with somebody like this. And so angry that I loved her anyway. I didn't cry for her anymore after that. My heart still did a little cartwheel when I see her - in person, on TV, on social media, it doesn't matter - or when I hear her voice on the radio. I am angry at myself for that, too.

I am angry right now because I want her to be concerned about me feeling hurt about Steve. I'm fucking livid.

And yet, I would do anything she asked me. Still. So, I think it's best for her to leave. Right now. But suddenly,

"Hey, Mark, can you just go ... away?"

Oh. Fuck. Me.

I watched Veronica and Antonia stare at each other in shock. It was almost like they were looking in a mirror. This was too surreal.

"It's Antonia," I said to Veronica. My brain spazzed when I noticed how crumpled her shirt was and she didn't even bother to smooth it down before showing herself to other people. "She... She's actually visiting Mark but got our houses confused." I pointed next door. "Mark lives there, actually."

"I see," Antonia said, her eyes still on Veronica. Antonia slowly turned to look at me, her face saying how much she actually saw. "So, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She walked off without bothering to say anything to Veronica. I shut the door.

Veronica stared at me, her mouth slightly open. She was still wearing that damn skirt. I pulled her to the bedroom.

I turned around to face her and she looked at me in a daze, looking like she had so many questions that she didn't want to ask and I didn't want to answer. She was the one who hated to talk anyway, so let's not talk. I kissed her, just with my lips, slightly sucking on her upper lip. She exhaled softly. I reached for the top button of her blouse and pulled it out of its buttonhole, kissing the skin underneath as I slowly undid the next and the next.

"What are you doing?" Veronica breathily asked me.

"You said you wanted foreplay," I said as I found the zipper of her skirt on her right hip. I unzipped her slowly, and pulled the skirt down to her ankles. I kissed her bellybutton and pressed the back of my hand on her dripping mound. I lifted the knuckles of my fingers into her clit. Her knees buckled and she fell backwards, sitting on the bed.

I took my shirt off, watching her face the entire time. She was staring at my chest, as if mesmerized by my actions. I knelt before her and pressed my face into her panties. I inhaled her strong scent and kissed her tenderly. She pushed my head away. I looked up at her. She was crying.

I moved up and took her in my arms, hushing her. "Veronica," I said. "Don't cry."

It was something I never anticipated. Everyone joked that Veronica looked like Antonia, even their fans. I guess I thought so, too, but I never even for once imagined that I had Antonia in my arms when Veronica came into them. I don't know what Veronica thought. I always assumed she was just crazy and did whatever she wanted.

Veronica doesn't make crying sounds, just tears and her body shaking because she's trying to stop crying. I held her tighter and we fell into the bed. We lay there for a long time; she was shaking and refusing to look at me, while I held her tightly. Whenever I kissed her face, she would turn away so that I would stop.

We fell asleep like this. When I woke up the next morning, she was gone.