64 His Dad Dances in a Boyband

Burt

When I first auditioned for Mr. Barnes, I thought for sure that I was auditioning to be a solo artist. I never even considered being in a boyband. My voice wasn't perfect back then, I would generally be either sharp or flat when I attempted to hit the high notes, but my timbre was quite strong and everyone I knew said they had never heard a rich voice like mine before. (Everyone I know still say that, actually.) I was rather surprised that they wanted me to be in Boy Next Door, and since I didn't really think I had a say in anything, or that this once in a lifetime chance would come again, I signed on.

I can't say I should have held out for the solo career, especially when everyone around me talked about it like it was inevitable. "When Burt does his solo album..." they would always say. Never "If", always "When..." It was enough to think that I could have a solo career when the boyband was no longer relevant, like when we got too old or our fans outgrow us, whichever came first. And I always felt so lucky to have Boy Next Door that I didn't dare feel I should be doing something else.

Of course, since it felt like a far off inevitability, I didn't plan my life around it. I was mostly concerned about the immediate future: whether or not eating fries after 9pm really bloats my face for the next day's video shoot, what the hell were the dance steps for the new single, hitting all my notes right, what to say when a microphone is suddenly waved in front of my face at various public appearances.

And then suddenly adulting when I least expected it because I fell in love and I fell so hard that nothing else mattered besides being with Michelle all the time, and later keeping Michelle and Billy safe. Life became the constant search for the perfect secret apartment in the perfect unassuming neighbourhood, the perfect car tint shade that allows you to take your kid to the hospital without the cops thinking you were a gangster, the perfect normal life, or as closest as it could get. Right now, we were looking for the perfect pre-school. I have nightmares of a school filled with kids who look like PYD, picking on Billy because his dad dances in a boyband.

As the years went by and our fans stayed surprisingly loyal to us, and dancing was just getting harder and harder on the knees, I would wish I had a solo career. Solo artists didn't seem to have it so hectic. Maybe because they don't have to share their royalties with four other people, so they didn't have to work as hard. Maybe.

I would think about this a lot, on my way to dance practice every morning, or trying to nap in the middle of the day between schedules, or driving home after midnight, realizing I didn't see my kid at all that day. Maybe being a solo artist would be easier.

Now that it's in front of me, however, I can't seem to decide if I do actually want it. I stared at Mark shaking his head at Steve's concept for his solo album and wanted to say, "Can we vote on this again?" At least I knew it wouldn't just be me saying no.

But before I could say anything, LJ looked up from his phone and said, "Guys... Chastity's dead..."