39 As if we hurt each other on purpose

Jamie

You believe I'd just know why you're angry

Instead you throw out words that would break me

As if we hurt each other on purpose

Tell me what to do ...

~

"Cut!"

The music stopped and Luke started watching the playback. I was surprised by that, usually, we do two or three takes before we watch playback.

"Jamie, come look at this."

I walked over and he started playback again. I watched myself singing to the camera. By the time I sang "As if we hurt each other on purpose..." I had closed my eyes, as if I was physically hurt, and opened them looking off cam, then only looked back at the camera when I sang the last line.

"Do you want me to do that again, looking at the camera the entire time?" I asked.

"No," he laughed nervously. "I wanted to ask you if you were okay with that one take."

Okay, this guy has been doing the one take thing all day. "Why?" I had to ask.

"Because it's perfect," Luke said. He shook his head and watched the playback again. "It's exactly the emotion I needed."

"We could do one more for safety," I suggested. Damn, these directors can be weird, don't we always need an extra safety take?

"I guess we could," he shrugged. He was watching playback again. "Did you write this song? It seems like you're singing your story."

"No, I didn't write this song," I said. It felt awkward to watch him watch playback.

"Really?" Luke shook his head.

"I'm just a really good actor," I quipped.

He had to laugh at that. "Great actors are used to doing just one take, though," he challenged me.

"Well, I'm also a perfectionist," I said. He finally gave in.

"One more for safety, then?"

He conceded to one more but really just took one more safety take. I asked him if I could quickly use the toilet and he nodded, waving me off, obsessed with playback.

The music didn't stop playing though, and it continued to the next verse. It was Steve singing, a continuation of my verse, a continuation of the argument that was the song. Listening to the lyrics, I walked to the toilet.

~

Those hateful, painful words

That we never meant to say

They remind me it's smarter to walk away

But I guess I'm just a fool...

~

"Jame." Steve finally cornered me. The toilet was a small space and he blocked every sidestep I tried to make.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"What for?" I deadpanned.

"What you heard outside my house, what Antonia said..." he couldn't finish his sentence.

"I'm not her boyfriend so there's nothing to be sorry for," I shrugged and pushed him out of my way.

"We're just friends now," he continued following me. "You know how she likes to tease."

I finally looked him in the eyes and shoved him back. "I'm not yours either." I turned and walked out the door.

When I got back to the set, they were playing the last bridge, which was my part. I walked to my mark and signalled to Luke that I was ready.

"Jamie," Luke called my attention. "I know that it's a happier lyric, but can you maintain this misery? Like you need to convince the girl of what you're saying. It's the highest dramatic point of the video."

I raised my thumb, then closed my eyes to internalize. Misery and high drama, got it. Just my actual feelings today, no problem.

"Music, cue... and ACTION!"

~

When you looked at me, you smiled brighter

When I held your cold hands, they felt warmer

When your lonely soul met mine, we're no longer lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely

I'll look into your eyes again

I'll whisper into your ears again

Even when everything crumbles around us

I'll stay...

~

"Cut!" Luke was nodding profusely. He looked a little excited. "I guess you want one more for safety, huh?"

That's more like it. I gave him a thumbs up and closed my eyes.