Freaks

Prologue

I remember the first time we kissed. It is stuck to my memory like a piece of gum sticks to any dry surface. Levi and I were sitting on the steps of my apartment. It was his eighth time out there. We had been going on dates but I had never let him into my apartment. I didn't know if we had gotten to that stage.

That particular evening was not really particular. It was like all other evenings. The sky was clear and the air was cool, not chilly. I can't recall what he said that left me speechless but there I was, with my mouth slightly open, staring at his lips because that was where the words were coming out from.

Then in an instant, as if the world was at a standstill, he put his lips on mine and closed his eyes. I was so startled that I bit his lip. I don't think he felt it because he kept on kissing me, sucking my lips and lacing his tongue with mine.

My eyes were still wide open. I don't know why I couldn't respond to his kiss but I just couldn't. He brought his hand to my face and stroked my cheek with his thumb. My face was dry because I wasn't wearing a moisturiser so it hurt. His touch hurt.

Thinking of these things now with an older brain and a more experienced mind, I realise that it was not actually our first kiss. It was his first kiss, with me. Not mine. It was his lips and his tongue and his eyes that experienced it all. I was not a participant; I was merely a recipient.

Chapter One

Freaks

"We have an appointment with Roger and Susy at 3 o'clock today. Don't forget." Levi didn't look up from his phone. He just nodded as he brought his coffee cup to his lips. He was doing that thing I hated again. Nodding. It was all he ever seemed to do these days. Whenever I talked to him, he just nodded, like he was some employee and I was this terrible boss who was feared by all his employees without knowing why.

I sighed and let out a loud breath. I was doing that a lot these days. I wanted to say something; anything to get a verbal response from him but it seemed too tiring at this point. With one more frosty glare at him, I walked away from the kitchen and went up to my bedroom to change my clothes.

My phone beeped just as I was zipping up my gown. Susy texted me.

Don't be late, please. This might be the most important day of my life yet. I didn't reply her text. She had said this so many times. She said this when she celebrated her sixteenth birthday, when she got her dream job at Quakers Law Firm, won her very first case and moved in with Roger. She has had so many important days in her life that it became hard to take her words seriously.

The meeting we were to have was not just any ordinary meeting. To Susy, it was one that would decide if her relationship with Roger has been worth it or not. She was pregnant and wanted to make a special announcement not just to her baby daddy but to her close friends. I didn't understand the need for such arrangements though. People got pregnant all the time and didn't make big deals about it. However, I should be used to Susy by now. To her, everything is a big deal.

I looked at the time. We had about an hour left before the meeting. I didn't know why I was calling it that. The word 'meeting' made it sound like it was something formal. No other word was coming to my mind though so I stuck with it. I took out my laptop and sat down on my study desk which was my dressing table improvised.

Zen, my colleague, was yet to send me the unedited proposal for the launch of the new cologne Ruder was about to release. I had been working as a marketer in Ruder for over two years and still I couldn't bring myself to get used the pace. Ruder was a fast rising skincare brand in Manhattan and was patronised by millions of people around the world. Things sometimes happened so fast in the company that it was hard to keep up. This was the fourth time this month a cologne proposal was being brought up. The previous three had all been rejected. I prayed hard and long that this time, it would be accepted and the launch will go through.

I closed my laptop and put it back in my shelf. I was about to lie down on my bed when Levi walked in, without knocking. I knew it shouldn't be a problem since we were in a relationship but to me it was. "Couldn't you knock before entering?" He was already walking past me and opening my drawer as I spoke. He took out his watch and walked past me again. He was 6'2 and I was 5'2. I wondered if that was why he sometimes showed little regard for my physical presence. "Sorry, I just came to get my watch. I forgot I put in here." By then, he was out of the room, his last words barely audible. I was about to sigh again but held myself back. Control girl, control.

I landed on my bed with a big thud, drawing my pillow to me at the same time. I set the alarm for 2:50pm. I was already fully dressed so I knew it wouldn't take me more than ten minutes to be fully ready for the meeting by 3pm.

I woke up by 2:40pm. I guess I didn't need the alarm after all. I packed my hair into an afro bun and put on my sandal heels. I put on some lip gloss and grabbed my purse before looking around to check if I was missing anything. It didn't seem like it so I went downstairs. Thankfully, Levi was already dressed up and was on the phone, as usual.

We arrived at 2:58pm. We were meeting at Roger's restaurant. It was called L'eau.

Roger said that he couldn't think of a fancier name than that. I thought it sounded cliché but never said it out loud. It was was a pretty good restaurant that served good food and had decent service so, I didn't really have any strong complaints.

Roger and Susy were already seated at the farther end of the restaurant, where few tables were occupied. Susy waved at us as we approached the table. There were two vacant seats opposite each other which we occupied. I looked at Levi to see him smiling. He sure knew how to pretend. All through the drive, his face was expressionless. Now he was smiling, like everything was fine.

"You guys came right on time. Shall we order now?" Susy squeezed my hands under the table as Roger said this. Beneath her toothy smile, I could see how tense she was. She must be pretty excited to be having a baby with Roger. We ordered the same thing- Fried rice with shrimp and white wine. Susy opted for Grape wine with no alcohol. I totally understood why.

As we were eating, I nudged Susy to talk.

Knowing her, she would try to stall as much as possible and avoid the main topic unless someone pushed her to do so. Luckily for her, I was that push she so badly needed and I didn't fail to do my job.

She looked at me nervously and took a sip of her wine. Then she cleared her throat to get our attention. "Guys, I have something important to tell you." We were all looking at her intently now. "I am four weeks gone." Some moments passed as the boys tried to process this. Finally, Roger stood up and moved to Susy, hugging her and in the process raising her up, to the surprise of the other people at the restaurant. He yelled. "We pregnant!" The people cheered and clapped and congratulated them from their seats. Levi was smiling with his teeth now and also hugged Susy. I did so too although I was already aware of the news.

Susy was going on and on about how she first found out and how hard it had been keeping it a secret from Roger. Hearing her talk about her pregnancy made me remember mine. The one that barely lasted two weeks. I didn't even think it made sense to have called it a pregnancy. The baby had barely become a baby before it dissolved into blood. I had a miscarriage. The funny thing is that I didn't feel like I had lost a baby; I just felt that I had lost blood, and lots of it. I bled so much that day that I lost consciousness and had to be admitted to the hospital for blood transfusion. The doctor told me that I was very lucky- I survived by a hair's breath. That didn't make me feel any better. Levi's tears did though. He cried so much that his caramel colored face turned red and his eyes sunk in. That was during the earlier stages of our relationship. Now, I wondered if he would at least pretend to be sad if I died now.

Soon, we were done with our meals and we left the restaurant. Roger and Susy stayed behind because Roger had some business to take care of. As Levi was driving, I said, "You looked really happy to hear of Susy's pregnancy." He looked at me briefly like he didn't expect me to say that, before turning back to face the road. "Of course, only freaks would act otherwise." I nodded, the way he normally did. "You're right. Only freaks would act otherwise."