17 Is There a Second Chance for Us?

...Sebastian's POV...

Kati got really sick last night. I sat with her in the bathroom and held her hand while her insides were turning out. I have never seen anything like this; there was so much blood it was unbearable to watch. It's painful when she gets so bad; you can see it in her face, and you can feel how her body trembles. Her tears of agony rip me apart. I wish it would stop. I want her to be healthy again.

"Kati."

"Yes, Sebastian."

"Sweety. Come take a walk with me outside."

I lead Kati out the door towards some shaded trees. It's right in the middle of almost nowhere. The smell of sweet flowers that are coming into bloom fills the air. Nearby on a tree branch sits a bird humming a beautiful song welcoming the new sun over the horizon. The rest of the forest is quiet; it's peaceful, it's perfect.

I sit her down on the blanket that I put outside earlier while she was still sleeping. I thought I would do something nice for her and make her a picnic out in the fresh cool air. She has been stuck inside for most of the day since we got back yesterday. I know that she is not feeling well, but I need to give her a reason to remind her not to give up. And I know waiting for Dr. Wilson is killing both of us.

So we sit quietly and listen to the bubbling river and watch as the bees hop from one flower to the other. I wonder if this is a life that she would choose if she were not stuck here being sick. What makes me wonder even more is that she might regret how she spent these last months of her life. But we both promised each other no regrets, no buts, and what if's; we are living in the moment, living for today, and making the best that tomorrow brings.

"Sebastian, can we go back inside? I am starting to feel cold."

"Sure, sweety."

We walk back to the cabin, but Kati does not make it; she falls to her knees halfway there. This time it's worse, it's fast, it's more, and the pain is deafening. Between every horrible blow is an uncontrollable sob. I need to get her body back to the comfort of her warm bed. She is hurting; she is in so much pain. I lift her up in my arms and carry her back to bed.

And that is where I keep her for the rest of the morning, watching her sleep in my arms. She looks so peaceful; one would never tell that she is dying from the inside. Not even her face gives her pain away; she is far stronger than I am.

It is early afternoon when she wakes up; there is a purpose behind her now. She wants to speak to Dr. Wilson, she wants those results. I knew she dreaded to go for them and even to hear the outcome, but I think this morning has had her in a new determination.

So while I dial the number, she is pacing back and forth between the counters in the kitchen. She is hysterical; she is crying; she is laughing. She feels like she is losing her mind.

I am impatiently tapping his fingers on the countertop; I am irritated and downright mad. A few curse words have even left my mouth. I have been holding on to speak to Dr. Wilson.

"Sebastian, he is busy with another patient at the moment," his receptionist says rather annoyingly. "I will get him to phone you back."

"I will hold thank you."

"You going to wait at least half an hour."

"I will hold."

"Sebastian, I need this line open for other patients to phone."

"He has to phone me back. He needs to phone me urgently."

"I promise he will phone you as soon as he is done."

I drop the call and turns to Kati, "Sweety, please come here."

Kati steps straight into my arms. I pull her into me ever so tight and lovingly. My body is trembling, and I feel out of breath. I am not going to let her go, not until Dr. Wilson phones. I can see my tears drip down her back; I no longer hide this pain; my own sobs fill the emptiness in the room. Kati lifts my chin to meet her eyes, her own pain reflecting in mine.

I cup her face between my hands and softly place my salty lips against her sweet ones as she whispers to me.

"It is going to be okay, Sebastian."

"Kati, I need to know, I need to know now; we cannot wait any longer."

"Sebastian, please, you need to be strong."

"I cannot anymore. I have seen you come from hell and back, every single day. The only part of you that is not dying is the parts of me that do not want to live. My heart cannot live without you. I can not live without you. I always knew it from the beginning, when all of this began. I would rather waste away right next to your body than live my life without you in pain."

"I love you. Please don't talk like that."

And then, just as promised, the phone starts to ring. It is Dr. Wilson. I know I must pick; I am scared. I see Kati staring at me; she is also scared. She reaches out and holds my hand; I squeeze it tight. She gives me one of her biggest smiles and tells me to pick up the phone. Then I pick it up.

"Hi, Dr. Wilson."

"Hi, Sebastian. How are you guys holding up?"

"Kati got real sick this last night, and this morning, she was quite unsteady on her legs. But apart from that, we are holding up, looking forward to what Dr. has to say."

I look at Kati, and she can see it; I can see it. For once, there is a glimmer of hope in our eyes. So it is with hope in our hearts that we are holding on to each other, for what comes next will determine how we spend the next couple of months of our lives.

And as Dr. Wilson finally starts to speak again, I feel as if I can faint.

"Sebastian, I received Kati's tests back, and…"

I hear him hesitate, and I can only think what this is doing to Kati that is standing next to me, crying now. I think we both can safely say that we know what comes next.

"Sebastian, Kati, I am so sorry, but the cancer is still growing."

"How…how long does Kati have?" I hear myself saying it, but it does not register that it is me that is asking to hear the very thing that shall destroy us.

"As the other Dr. said, it is two months, give or take."

I drop the phone to the floor and pull Kati closer as we both crash down into a bundle of emotion and tears. We were so hoping for that miracle but it seems that we shall not receive it today. The question begs, shall we ever see it?

After the worse of our tears subsides, I pull the phone closer again.

"Can I phone mom?"

"Yes, please, phone, mom."

It only but takes one ring and she answers. "Hi, my boy."

"Hi, mom. Kati is here with me. I am going to put you on speaker."

"Please don't tell me it's time for that?"

"I am afraid that we don't have good news from Dr. Wilson. The cancer is still growing, and he says the same as what the Dr. in the city said."

And with that, we hear my mom shatter into so many little pieces that I am afraid we shall not get her back. I can, for certain, say that our lives have just come to a screeching halt. So we both stand there with mom on the phone, and we cry our hearts out. It is time we cry out the pain and make peace with the reality of here and now.