Chapter 11 

Chapter 11 

The feeling of liquid pouring over my head woke me from a heavy, lead-like slumber. A few drops hit my lips and when I tasted it on my tongue I was surprised to find that it wasn't beer, but simple water. I was usually awakened by pouring a pint of beer directly into my mouth through my mask. 

Gradually my head began to clear and I was able to open my eyes. Next to me I saw Korhil with a bucket of water. 

- Baha you're awake! Finally. Are you okay? - He asked me. 

- Not so good. My head hurts, and my body a lot. The last thing I remember is being hit by a running tree and the dwarves shouting out in pain. What the hell happened and where are our healers? - I shakily stand up. 

- Uh. How can I put this to you? A wild treeman broke into the club grounds. Although, seeing what he's after, I don't think he's wild at all, but rather civilized. 

- What? A treeman? But how? It's mostly mountains here, and there isn't a any decent forest for a couple hundred miles or more. - I'm massaging my temples, trying to numb the pain and keep my focus. 

- Hmm. I assume he was tracking like a predator. Specifically, the scent. 

- Korhil! Fuck you right in the ass! I don't fucking get it! Are you saying that some Treeman smelled the dwarves and came here to kill and seek vengeance? Then why the fuck did he come to us? In case you haven't fucking noticed, we live in a dwarf town where there's a shitload of dwarves?! - I'm venting my anger and pain on Korhil. 

- He wasn't after the dwarves! He was going after the smell of beer! - Korhil was a little confused, but then he got angry and was able to answer clearly and coherently. 

- Beer? - I was so shocked and confused that all my anger vanished in an instant, leaving only blankness. 

- Yes! Bugman's! - The angry Korhil didn't show any mercy to my brain, which went into reboot mode. 

After a while, my mind finally started to snap back to me. 

- So, Korhil. I'm sorry for getting angry, but I've kind of lost track of what happened. Let's go over it point by point. 

- Your apology is accepted. And I'm sorry I had to give clear answers without wandering off. - Korhil started talking in the style of a high elf diplomat and it could take up a lot of time, so I'm stopping him halfway through. 

- So, point by point. I was knocked out by the Treeman. Right? - Korhil nods back to me. 

- Let's move on. Treeman came here on his own. And he came all this way just for a beer? 

- Bugman's! - Korhil clarified. 

- Yes, Bugman's. - I nodded, and then I was hit by another wave of anger and confusion. 

- Fuck! What the fuck is going on?! A drunken tree came to us, knocked me out and fought with dwarves for beer! Not only that, but he's been coming here from miles away judging by the lack of forests. - before I could say anything, I heard the sound of a chainsaw and the bloodthirsty roar of a mob. 

- Oh! They finally got him. Let's go and have a look. I've been left here to help you wake up. - Korhil shouldered me and helped me walk to one of the large chambers. 

There was something akin to an autodafé going on. Only instead of priests in white robes, there were evil dwarves, and instead of a witch, there was a Treeman tied to a pyre. Kazran was standing next to the pyre, wielding a roaring chainsaw. 

- I'm going to saw off his leg and make a torch out of it and set it on fire! We'll avenge that monster for our beer! - Kazran's words caused a wave of cheers from the dwarves. 

- For such sacrilege he should be burned on a pyre made from himself! Let's cut half of him off! - shouted Bronn. 

- "That bastard drank all our beer! Didn't leave a single drop! Burn him! Burn him! - to my surprise, Grim was also in the crowd, with a black bruise glowing under one eye. 

- Burn him! Burn him! - the crowd started chanting again. 

- All right! Are you going to say your last words? - Kazran angrily asked the bound Treeman. 

The Treeman opened his mouth and muttered and growled something, but judging by the faces of the dwarves they didn't understand anything. 

- It doesn't make any fucking sense! Can you say something in common? - Kazran asked Treeman, who tried to imitate a common language, but again nothing was comprehensible. 

- I don't get it! I don't understand a fucking thing! I don't speak your language! - Kazran got angry and was about to hit the Treeman with his chainsaw when Korhil shouted loudly next to me. 

- I understand! I speak his language! - Korhil still holding me up went to the center. 

- Well then, go ahead and translate. He is a criminal and a blasphemer, but he has the right to have the last word. - Kazran said darkly. 

Korhil cleared his throat and began...making strange noises that resembled a mixture of swamp noise and cracking twigs. Treeman nodded and answered him. 

-Hmm. He's asking for a beer. - Korhil told the crowd in a confused manner. 

- What?! He's asking for beer, that bastard?! I'll stuff coal in his mouth! - Kazran was angry. - He drank all the beer we had! First he emptied the barrels at the field and then the ones in the warehouse. 

- He says he traveled a long way for this divine beverage. He has tasted and experienced heavenly bliss and wants to leave after having touched heaven one more time. Let his last memory be not the smoke and the smell of his burning body, but this beautiful light bitterness of hops and the aroma of wheat...- Korhil began to describe all the taste and other flavors of Bugman's. 

It lasted for a while and the most interesting thing was that he described the beer so colorfully that many dwarves swallowed their drool while listening to him and nervously looked for a barrel with alcohol. 

- Eh. He described the beer so beautifully that I want to engrave it on a granite stone. - one of the dwarves shook his head. 

- I could taste Bugman's while I was listening to him. - Bron shared his feelings. - Eh, I was saving this pint for myself. But I'm not sorry to give it to him. 

 Bron went somewhere and brought a small barrel. As he approached the Treeman, he popped the cork and began pouring the beer directly into his mouth. 

- Drink Treeman! Such love for beer is worthy of songs and sagas! I cant call myself an expert in reading Treeman's emotions, but I'm sure that the victim was smiling and happy. Magic fireflies appeared around him as if from nowhere. The hall was filled with a warm and soft light. 

- O ancestral spirits! 

- How?! 

The dwarves murmured and I think tears of happiness appeared in their eyes. 

- He is innocent! Someone who loves real dwarven beer and even more so Bugman's can't be evil! 

- That's right! Tell us your story! Korhil, ask him to tell his story! - The dwarves entered into a kind of religious exaltation, which confused the human part of the team. 

Again the exchange of strange sounds was repeated. 

- He first tasted beer when he found gifts to the forest left by the inhabitants of the nearest village...- Korhil began the story of Treeman's life. 

At times one could hear the dwarves sobbing and blowing their nose. Some of them even had wet beards because of the tears flowing from their eyes. 

- It's so awful! Not being able to drink a single sip of beer for a month!

 Sometimes they angrily rubbed their beards and clenched their fists. 

- How dare they give him a beer that had gone bad! Bastards! 

And when the story described him tasting Bagmun's and going after his dream the dwarves' eyes lit up like fanatics listening to their cult leader. 

- He's a saint! A saint! - they shouted.

The story entitled The Odyssey of the Drunken Tree lasted the whole evening. Toward the end, they respectfully untied him and asked him to join the team and be their spiritual leader. He agreed only on the condition that the team would always have Bugman's, which only made them even more ecstatic.

That's how we got a heavyweight on our team, the holy Drunken Treeman. And I'm a little mentally hurt by the wild and crazy HR policy of our team. Isn't it enough that we have a one-eyed elf who wants to become a blitzer, so now we have a half-drunk tree playing? 

Although why I am surprised and upset is beyond me. This is Blood Bowl. There's more of such things out there. 

I can't wait for the game. I need to get my nerves back, and there's nothing better than breaking a couple motherfuckers' jaws and scoring a touchdown.