Chapter 5

I wouldn't consider training a total disaster, but it definitely could have had a lot less tension. Bruises were forming where he jabbed me with the handle of his lightsaber. He refused to touch me, even if his hands were gloved. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

I once again found myself eating in my room, ignoring the soreness in my body. The food was bland but bearable, so I scarfed it down and decided to go visit the medbay. I wasn't sure why I wanted to. Maybe just to ease my mind off of everything that had happened in the past few days.

At least, I thought it was a few days. I had lost my sense of time a while ago. I definitely woke up well after six. A very angry Kylo Ren had to drag me by my feet to the training room. I was dazed until I hit the doorframe of the training facility. I subconsciously rubbed where my temple had collided with the metal.

I placed my empty bowl next to the identical one from yesterday and swiftly exited my room. Each hallway was filled with emotionless masks and I would always find them staring at me when I passed.

With every trooper I passed, my unease grew stronger. I had no idea how Kylo managed to live in a place like this. Especially when the guards were not quiet when they talked about someone behind their back.

At one point I whirled on a few guards, ready to pounce. But my whole body froze before I could do anything. My mouth was open, but I had no idea what I had planned to say. I stood there for a minute before I realized how incredibly stupid I looked. I turned around and continued down the hall.

I was going to the medbay to get a checkup, nothing else. There and back to my room. No interruptions.

~|~

The droids in the medbay worked quickly and quietly. They cleaned out my blaster wound and covered it in this weird mesh looking stuff. Most of my pain was gone. They also sprayed down my newly formed bruises.

Twelve years can do wonders for medical procedures.

The droids practically shoved me out when they finished and I began to walk back to my room when I heard loud yelling from the control room.

Curious, I slipped inside, making sure I wasn't seen. The yelling was coming from Hux, whom I had briefly met this morning. He wasn't a very pleasant man, I could tell that much. I glanced over at the window and stifled the gasp that welled up inside me.

There before me was a beautiful planet, rich with life. An astonishing number of ships fled the planet as the First Order aimed its strongest weapon at the heart of the chaos. Hux gave the order, and I watched in horror as a portion of the planet exploded into dust. There had been no hesitation, no hint of regret or mourning.

I left as quickly as I came and rushed back to my room, only to vomit my lunch into the sink in my bathroom. They had just killed people. So many. But I had no say in whether they deserved it or not. I did not know them, I did not know what they had done to deserve the First Order's wrath.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Cold gray eyes stared back at me. Usually they were a bright blue, but in times like these, they would dull. My face was pale, much more than usual after what I had just witnessed. My dark hair was pulled back in a sloppy braid that brushed my waist, the loose strands coiling around my ears.

I gritted my teeth and slammed my fist on the lip of the sink. If anyone was going to tell me why, it had to be Kylo. I needed to know what could bring about such destruction. I needed to know why.

~|~

I spent what felt like an eternity pacing about Kylo's chambers. They were relatively bare, not much different than my own. A simple bed, no decorations, just enough to make it suitable for resting.

When Kylo did return, I didn't even give him the chance to open his mouth before I erupted with anger.

"When you brought me here, you said that the First Order brings peace and balance. Yet, moments ago, we were killing thousands of innocent people! Under your leadership, so many lives were lost, and you say you are bringing peace to the galaxy?"

"You do not understand what this is about! You think you know everything? You know nothing."

"Then teach me!"

We both paused at my outburst. His face was flush from anger and I could say the same about my own. I took a deep breath and willed myself to calm down.

"I pity you for being strong enough to kill a man, but too weak to accept your own flaws."

His anger boiled, but I stood there defiantly. He wouldn't touch me. Instead, he strode up to me, putting his face so close to mine I could feel his breath on my cheeks.

"Say that again. I dare you."

I inched closer to him and whispered, "You are nothing, but a coward."

In an instant, I felt something grasp my throat and practically shut it. I clawed at my neck, but nothing would stop Kylo's force choke.

"If you weren't so precious to Snoke, I would kill you right here," he seethed and let go of his hold on me.

I dropped to my knees in an instant, panting before I had the chance to faint. I wasn't sure if I was still angry or just terrified. I stared at the floor.

"Who were they?" My voice was feeble, but he heard me well enough.

The room was silent. I waited a moment to see if he would respond, but he made no effort to speak. So, I stood up and left. I didn't glance at him before I went back to my room. I kept my eyes on the floor.

~|~

I didn't know how long I had sat on my bed and wept. I wasn't even sure why I had been crying. Maybe it was because Kylo had gotten upset with me. Maybe it was for my crushed hopes.

I only stopped my tears when somewhere deep within, a voice told me that this was the way. I just didn't understand it yet.

I didn't resist the words. I embraced them. They gave me the reassurance I had craved for twelve years. The reassurance that my father gave me when we became stranded.

I let the words engulf my mind, I let them seep into every bone, every drop of blood. These were hard times, I just had to find a way to find peace in the midst of all of this darkness.