Simula

Tiring

Kasabay ng patuloy na pagpatak ng aking mga luha ay ang pag sayaw ng simoy ng hangin sa buhok ko. Nararamdaman ko din ang paparating na ulan dahil sa pagkulog ng langit na para bang dinadamayan ako sa pighati na aking nararamdaman at dinadanas ngayon.

Heto ako ngayon sa harapan ng lapida ng aking ama nagluluksa. My Father died because of heart attack. Naatake siya dahil sa pinaggagawa ng anak niya. My step sister, Anna. Though she's not in fault, it's an accident. Pero hindi ko pa rin maiiwasang mainis sa kanya dahil kung sana nagtino na lang siya hindi na 'to nangyari pa (as if naman matino din ako). But I love her, anyways.

Damn! Why the hell is happening all of these to me? Una si Mommy ngayon si Daddy naman. Am I really a cursed child?

"Kathy, let's go palapit na ang ulan," the familiar voice uttered. I turned to her with my tired-eyed and then bitterly smiled to her.

She came close to me and hug me with no hesitations. I hugged her back. I have enlighten up because of her. She's my sister by heart slash bestfriend.

"Yanna? Do I deserve all of these? " I asked her after letting go of her hug...

"Ofcourse not Kathy but certain things happens for it's own reason and purpose."

I forced myself not to cry again but my tears are too stubborn. I started again to mourn because the pain I'm feeling was too powerful to stop.

"Kaya mo 'yan, Kathy. Alam mo naman na nandito pa ako diba?" Yanna comforted me.

I just nodded and smiled at her.

"Tara na, uulan na," yaya niya saken kaya sumunod na lang ako.

Before leaving the car of Yanna, I look at her, "Thank you for the day Yanna," I smiled to her.

She looked at me pitiful yet she still smiled back, "Of course Kathy, we're best of friends right," tumango ako at niyakap siya.

"You can do it. Kaya mo 'yan. " nang nakawala sa yakap. I took my luggage on the backseat of her car. She gave me a wink before opening the car.

Pagkababa ko ng sasakyan ni Yanna sinuri ko muna ang mansyon namin na para bang ngayon ko lang ulit nakita. Ofcourse after all these years being away from here parang naninibago pa din ako. I studied and stayed in New York for 5 years, I was 18 back then, that was after my mommy died. She died because of a lung cancer, hindi na nakaya ng katawan niya that's why she gave up. I went to New York para magliwaliw at mag-aral pero ngayon nagbalik ulit ako dito sa Esperanza para magluksa lang ulit.

Someone opened the gate and it's my stepfather.

"Oh, Kathryn nandito ka na pala, pasok ka na pagabi na at parang uulan. May pupuntahan lang ako," nag-aalalang saad niya. I sighed and smiled to him before entering the gate.

Tito Ferdinand were kind to me. Tinuring din niya akong parang tunay na anak. Mas malapit pa yata ako sa kanya kaysa kay Daddy.

Kung titingan parang nabuo lang ako na pagkakamali. My Mom and Dad has their own family before me. Para akong anak lang ng pagkakasala.

Kaya minsan gustong gusto ko na lang mawala sa mundo dahil parang nabubuhay lang naman ako para sa wala. Mas lalo kong gustong mawala ngayon sa mundo dahil wala na ang mga pinaka espesyal sa buhay ko. I feel so alone. Para bang wala akong pamilya.

Pumasok ako ng bahay at naabutan ang mga anak ni tito Ferdinand. Probably it was my stepsisters. Their eyes went on me. Rachel rolled her eyew on me while ate Rica smiled, the kind one. Tumayo din siya at sinalubong ako ng yakap. Habang pinapanood lang kami ni Rachel.

"I missed you Kathryn," after she let go

I smiled to her "Of course I missed you too, but for now can I take a rest, Ate," nahihiyang sabi ko.

"Sige have some rest for now but we'll have some chikas tomorrow," excited na sabi niya, I just smiled at her and nod.

Then I turned to Rachel at sinenyasan lang siya na magtutungo na sa taas, napabuntong hininga muna siya bago tumango.

I went to my room and nostalgia flashed on my mind. Kung paano ako alagaan ni Mommy noon. Damn, I really missed her. My room was the same like before. Walang nagbago. This were my comforter back then. I missed being here. Humiga ako sa kama at nag-iisip isip ng mga bagay bagay.

I guess it's time to take my life serious now because all of these years I just played my life. I did many shits in my life these years. Waste my time from uncertain matters. Spend my time with damn boys, assholes. I'm a spoiled brat but now I realized that life is too short, that I need to be serious and spend my time to important things. I'm going to make my life worth living para naman mabigyan ako ng pag-asang mabuhay pa.

My phone rang and it's Tita Amanda, my father's wife.

Masasabi kong mabait din si Tita Amanda sakin but at the same time she's rude to me. Pero okay lang din naman. I understand her side. Sino ba naman kasing matutuwa 'pag 'yung asawa mo may anak sa labas, wala naman 'di ba? kaya okay lang. Mas mabuti nga na ganyan na lang siya.

I sighed before answering her call.

"Kathryn," she started.

"Yes tita, do you need something? "

"Be here tomorrow, okay? We have some certain things to talk about" probably the last will of my Father.

"Sige sige, tita. I'll be there" I assured to her

"Okay, darling. Take a rest now you must be tired." I feel her sincerity when she says that.

"You too, tita" I answered before ending up the call.

After that I took a half bath. 

Pagod na pagod ako galing sa biyahe kanina. Kanina lang ako dumating, sa mismong araw ng burol ni Daddy. Naisip ko kasi noong na sa New York pa 'ko na mas mabuting sa burol na lang niya ako umuwi dahil ayokong magluksa ng sobra. I'm trying to be strong even though I really wanted to give up.

Geezzz... This day is so tiring...

But....

Tomorrow must be more tiring....