Thoughts

~𝑰 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒘 𝒊𝒏 𝑴𝒂𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒅, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰'𝒅 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏, 𝑰 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒊𝒏 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒄𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰'𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏, 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒅𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒊𝒏, 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰'𝒎 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒚𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏~

I woke up to my alarm going off and I let out a groan as I grabbed my phone and dismissed it. I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling for a while before I sat up, stared blankly at nothing for a few seconds before I stood up and began to head towards my bathroom. I turned the light on a bit and turned the sink on, looking at myself in the mirror. I had a few bruises and marks on my body as well as on my arms and neck. I let out a shaky sigh before using the bathroom and washing my face. I looked for a shirt that was long enough to cover the bruises that were on my arms and was cool enough to wear. I found one of my light flannels, a Nirvana shirt and a pair of my stylized capris. I put my clothes on, put some concealer on the bruises that were visible on my neck hitherto grabbing my bookbag and tossing two notebooks, a couple of pencils and a sketchbook into it and left my apartment.

I walked down the street to the bus stop and sat at the bench before I unlocked my phone. I had a bunch of messages from the group chat my friends and I had as well as a message from my boyfriend. He texted saying that he wouldn't be at the college for a little while as well as not being able to get home as well. I let out a sigh as I messaged him back before messaging who was active in the group chat. A few of my friends; Mark, Hannah, Vince and Koleen, were online still talking and discussing a bit of their classes as well as games and Twitch streamers. I joined in with the current class discussions until the bus arrived.

* * *

I got off the bus once it arrived at the campus. I took a breath before I walked with the flow of everyone else until I saw my best friend. "Hey, Reneé!" I called out to her once I was close enough and she turned around to face me. "Hey, what's up?" She greeted me when I stood next to her. "I was just thinking about something I thought we could do." I voiced and she looked up at me. "What's the thought?" "I was thinking that maybe you and Gemma should video tape our friends and I during lunch." I told her, Gemma walking over to us from a fountain. "What did you say? All I heard was my name." She said and I laughed. "I said your name because I think that you and Reneé should record all of us during the lunch break." I repeated as the three of us began to walk and Reneé looked over at Gemma before back at me. "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure. Why? You guys don't think it'd be cool to document what we do during lunch after three classes?" I asked them and Gemma shrugged while Reneé thought about it a little. "Well, it would be pretty cool because then we'd be able to send it to one another and reminisce later on down the road.." "What about everyone else? How do they feel about it?" She queried, tilting her head. "Honestly, they weren't so sure at first, but then thought that it would be nice to look back, just like what you thought." I responded and she nodded before Gemma looked at her and they both let out a sigh. "Okay then, but when exactly are we going to start recording? Before we get out of class and meet up before heading to the Café Center, as soon as the class lets out or as soon as we're about to head into the center?" Gemma questioned.

"Hmm.. I like the first idea, but if you're okay with recording as soon as you guys exit the door before we meet, then that could work too." I responded and they both nodded. "Alright, sounds like a plan." Reneé voiced as the three of us walked to our class section before heading into our classes.

~ ~ ~

As soon as our third class ended, I grabbed my bookbag and headed out of the room and into the little clearing area where Reneé and Gemma were, already recording and waving at me. I jogged over to them and the three of us began to walk to the Café Center where the rest of our friends were waiting. Once we entered through the doors, we walked over to the three tables where our group was seated. "Ah, I see that they already have the two of you recording I see." One of our friends, Hera, voiced as soon as she saw us. "Why yes, two of our lovely videographers are recording a part of what happens almost every day of our lives after our third college class." I chuckled as I tried to find a spot to sit at the tables. There might've been three, but our group decided to take up an entirety of a full table and a half of a second which left me smack in the middle stuck between papers and bookbags.

I tried to speak out after I unsuccessfully tried to move a few of the things but everyone was talking all at once to each other, so my voice was drowned out a bit. 𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑏𝑢𝑡..

I thought before taking a breath. "Guys!" I shouted, making a few of them turn their heads to face me. "I don't have any space with these damned papers and bags in my way!" I huffed. "Yeah, they don't have their space," I heard a familiar voice and tried to see who it was before giving up out of slight frustration from the piles I was stuck with. "Their personal space is invaded and as you can see, there is a mess which causes the lack of space. And I thought my younger sister was bad but you college students are worse." I felt my face slightly heat up as I finally knew who it was. Dakota, the stoner that was well known throughout the entire college campus who was great in the classes he was in, despite smoking a lot of weed.

That might've been the reason on why I was attracted to him. A few of my friends grabbed their papers and belongings, a few apologizing to me by just looking at me and I thanked them, I felt like I could finally breathe again as I set my half empty bookbag in front of me on the table. "Uh huh, you two aren't even dating so why should we pay any sort of attention to you?" Gemma questioned him, still recording. Dakota didn't speak for a moment before he suddenly sat down next to me and grabbed my hand in his, looking right at Gemma. "Well, if you don't know, and for your information, we actually are dating." He voiced and I felt my face grow hot again. I looked up to see a scowl on Gemma's face. "Hey now, what's with the scowl? You can't do that just because my paramour needs their space free from clutter." He stated as his hand was still intertwined with mine and I felt him give it a light squeeze.

His hand was soft, yet slightly rough as well which was something I was surprised with considering most people's hands I felt were soft, scarred or callused while his was something different. Gemma looked between us before she ceased her recording, stood up, grabbed her bag and walked out of the café center while the group just watched her leave. "Hey, Dakota, let's go." I heard one of his friends, Fynn, say as he stopped by our table. Dakota nodded at him before grabbing his bag and stood up. Before he walked away from our table he looked back at me. "See ya, Kai." And with that, he left the Café Center. I watched the last place he was, rubbing the hand he held with my thumb as my mind replayed the events that had just happened.

~ ~ ~

Once it was time to head into our final class of the day, I felt Reneé lock arms with me as we flooded out of the Café Center. "Sooo, is it true that you and Dakota are dating? Or was that for shits n' giggles for the camera?" She asked as we headed to our next class section where our fourth class was held. I wasn't able to respond as she tugged me along into the class and to our seats. "Well-" I interrupted myself when I looked to the front of the class to see Dakota walk in and over to where we were, sitting in the empty spot next to me. I felt a little embarrassed suddenly, feeling like I was back in my sophomore year in high school. "Psst, Kai, look to your left." Reneé whispered rather loud, teasing me a bit which caused Dakota to chuckle. "Keep your mouth shut," I whispered to her only for her to smirk at me.

I felt Dakota tap my arm and I looked at him. "Yeah?" "I have a question for you," he began, his eyes looking into mine which caused my face to heat up. "What.. uh.. what kind of question?" I queried, fidgeting a bit in my seat. The class had just begun but it was mostly a chill and catch up on missing work kind of class, different from the others. It always reminded me of the Learning Center back in high school. "Well, I've heard around a little that you find me a bit irresistible and I'm just here to find out if it is true." He voiced and my heart began to race. "Uhm.. uh well.." I stumbled over my words as I began to feel embarrassed. "Do you, Kai?" He questioned again, tilting his head a little which I found cute. I wanted to say yes, because I did but I was already in a relationship with someone. It wouldn't be so bad to just tell him the truth, right?

I then took a deep breath before looking at him again. "Yes.. yes I do." After I confessed, it felt as though my face had been doused with oil and lit on fire. My face was possibly as pink as a flamingo. I noticed that Dakota's face had a tint of pink to it after I said my truth and the small atmosphere between us was suddenly awkward. The both of us were silent, the only sounds to be heard were the discussion among the other college students. Reneé suddenly cleared her throat as if to clear away the awkward atmosphere and to remind me, to remind us, that she was still there. "Sooo, now that you've asked them that burning, curious question I think it's only fair for Kai to ask you a question." She voiced and Dakota looked up at her. "And what question will they ask?"

"Don't ask me, ask them." Reneé gestured to me and I noticed that three people seated in front of us were secretly paying attention to us. "Oh uhh…" I had to figure out what to ask him before I finally thought if the question and looked back at him. "Dakota, do you.. do you find me appealing? And if you do, would you ever.. you know.. date me?" I queried as my heart pounded in my ears and out of my peripheral, I noticed the three people intensely wait for his response. He thought for a moment which had me worried before he opened his mouth to speak, only for another one if his friends to call out to him from across the room. He turned his head and nodded to him hitherto grabbing his stuff and standing up. Before he left us, he looked back at me and gave me a warm smile which caused my heart to slow it's vigorous pounding.

"Yes." Was all he said before he walked across the room and left me with my heated face and racing thoughts. Reneé sat down in the chair Dakota was in earlier, beginning to talk to me and that's when I noticed that she was still recording. I blinked a few times before telling her to stop recording for the day.

~ ~ ~

As soon as my final class let out, I grabbed my bag and walked out of the class with Reneé walking with me, not speaking but rather checking my outfit. "You know, I'm kind of surprised at what you chose to wear, considering it was a solid seventy-three today. I mean, I know it wasn't too hot, but still a bit warm for a flannel." She voiced which stopped me and caused me to look at her. "I'm wearing capris," I stated with a chuckle and she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but a flannel? You could've worn your Nirvana shirt just fine on its own." She shrugged and we kept walking. I was beginning to get a bit nervous. "What's wrong with my flannel? It's clean, I can promise you that." "I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about you getting too hot, you never even took it off once." "I didn't really want to take it off, considering that it goes very well with the outfit." I said, hoping I could end the conversation.

"Well, yes, but still. You won't be able to wear it tomorrow because I believe it will be almost eighty." She said and I was already trying to figure out an outfit. "I'll be fine," "Are you sure? You don't really seem all that great? I don't know but I'm just concerned." Reneé sighed and I bit my lip. "How are things going for you and you know?" She queried once we got to her car. "Oh uh.. well you know they're… good." I half lied and I looked at her, telling that she didn't buy it but she didn't say anything about it. "Good, huh?" "Yes?" "Okay, if you don't want to completely disclose it, that's okay but I need you to remember that you can tell anyone of us if something is wrong, alright? We're your friends after all." She gave a small smile and I nodded, returning it. "Of course." We got in her car and she drove me to my apartment.

It wasn't too long of a ride, but it sure was a peaceful one and it was better than riding the public bus back. It always was a bit rowdy considering it was mostly people getting off work and coming out of school. Once we arrived at my destination, I said my thanks as well as goodbye before I exited Reneé's car. "I'll see you tomorrow." I said as I waved and she gave a little honk of her horn before driving off. I walked towards my apartment and unlocked the door before walking into the empty place. I closed the door with a sigh and dropped my bookbag on the floor with my shoes before I walked down the hallway and into my room, flopping face first onto my bed. Today had been filled with too much excitement and I just wanted to relax now. I then remembered the events that happened with Dakota and felt my face heat up. 𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝐼 𝑎𝑠𝑘 ℎ𝑖𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠? I thought as I rolled over onto my back and looked at the ceiling before rubbing my face.

𝐻𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑑 𝑦𝑒𝑠, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛? 𝐷𝑜𝑒𝑠 ℎ𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝐼'𝑚 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑟 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑓 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑎 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝? I sighed as I sat up, ruffling my hair a bit before I stripped out of my clothes. "Guess I'll hopefully find out tomorrow.." I said to myself. I went into my bathroom and removed the makeup I applied to my neck prior to looking at my body in the mirror. The bruises in my arm weren't as bad as the ones on my body but the bruises on my neck would take some time to heal and go away. I'd still have to wear a long sleeve shirt for another day until the bruises were gone and I'd still have to hide the ones in my neck. "Dammit." I walked out of my bathroom and climbed into my bed before I grabbed my phone and looked through it a bit. I messaged my friends a bit before I messaged him, even though I knew he wouldn't respond until way late.

I sighed as I got under my covers and tried to sleep, the day replaying in my mind as I fell asleep.