52 Chapter 5 ❆ Almost Done

"You know how to play?"

"I have an idea," I said, a little embarrassed.

Bish, I grew up in a musically-inclined environment. My mothers were high-class courtesans who specialized in entertainment. Though I wasn't any good at dancing, I was still trained in music from a very young age as core part of my education growing up. No matter how different stringed instruments were, they all had some commonality. This one was like a guitar and it was quite a common instrument known to this continent. However, unlike the typical guitar, this thing should have more strings.

"Fine. Don't break that thing or I'll break your neck like how you broke it."

I almost didn't want to take the lute with that threat, but I did anyway. I tenderly took it into my embrace and positioned it into my arms. I looked at the monk hesitantly and lowered my head as I imposed another question.

"Please excuse my incompetence. Before I begin…do you usually invoke your element while you play? I noticed nothing happened a while ago while you were playing. Don't you also trigger using your element when you try to establish a connection like this one?"

He looked at me tiredly, rolling his eyes. "You lucky brat. I don't do lectures to outsiders. But fine. How do you carry water with your hands without spilling it?"

I tilted my head to the side, confused. Though I somehow expected he would give me a philosophical question to answer my question.

"Simple," he said, noting my silence. "You don't. Your hands are not meant to carry water. If you try to hold something you're not meant to, it goes out of control and slips through your fingers. Remember how the world refer to us as."

"Conduits," I answered.

"That's right. We are things that can channel the energies of the universe, but it is never ours. The water is that energy. You simply let it flow in you and out of you and will it for the time it follows you. In the end, however, you are meant to let it go. Everything you have, everything you are, you borrow. And you will return to where you loaned your life from—the universe."

Was this the beginning of my journey to monkhood? Way to go making me question my existence, old man. But that was a nice thought. I seem to remember something similar which Mistress Veronika told me. She told me this before when we first got to Lovarda.

"We own nothing, not even ourselves," I recalled.

"So you know a thing or two about our teachings," said the old monk, gazing at me with a quirk of his brows.

I nodded. "So I stop thinking that…my abilities are mine…?"

"Hm." The monk nodded. "When you let go of thinking you own anything, you also let go of greed…even responsibility! And you become the perfect medium through which the energies of this world can pass through and materialize into our world."

"So you don't hold the water," I said.

"You don't." He nodded sagely.

"You drink it and pee it out after it's done its job because the best way to carry it is through your bladder."

The monk coughed and wheezed at my analogy. He didn't know whether to affirm or rebuke my thoughts.

I grinned.

"T-you…uh…that…" The monk stammered many times before deciding to remain silent finally, not knowing how to counter my argument. The unwilling look of defeat on his face was quite funny though. "Whatever. Stop wasting my time."

"Thank you for entertaining my question."

With that out of way, I began to focus on what had to be done.

Stringed instruments differed in many ways. They were either plucked or strung with a bow to play. At times, it could be both. The shape and size of the instrument might cause the notes to change as well. The delivery would usually be crisper or softer depending on the changes made. It might be lower or higher as well depending on the thickness of the strings wound on the surface. It was a pretty complex case.

I'd seen how the monk played. He did it like any other guitar—standard plucking and finger positions. I wasn't confident I would be able to play this properly so I experimented and copied what I had caught him do before gently running through the strings to generate some melody. I drew on my experience before from playing the harp because the finger brushing motion was almost similar.

Shifting from one position to another, I finally got the eight basic notes. After completing an octave, I shifted to higher and lower pitches, testing my plucking and memorizing the whole thing. I was quite confident in my memory. I think I had a pretty good one. I only had some problem with execution. I did some variations and practiced until I was certain I had it.

"I think you've given a sufficient try already. Don't waste my time and just leave," the monk said impatiently.

I looked up from practicing and realized I had taken so much time trying to familiarize myself with the instrument. I scratched my head and smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry. I haven't started yet," I told him. He must've thought that I was blindly grasping at everything.

His bushy brows twitched. "This shameless kid. You really made me watch you practice? What do you think we have here? A music lesson?"

I lowered my head, a little embarrassed. "I'm really very sorry. I'll start now."

Knowing I've ran out of time, I decided to start playing. I inwardly pinned the monk's advice in my mind as I began with the first note.

The cosmic language was, in no means, the kind that humans knew. Language was a human concept. It didn't apply to the universe. It was hard to understand because the human mind was such a limited capacity to behold the will of the heavens. I assumed that these abstract things—music, martial arts—were a manner of speaking this language. I just didn't know how though.

The goal right now was to at least communicate with the universe—however that was supposed to be done. That statement made me sound like a hippie of some sort, but whatever. I think this was why Amber told me to sing before—a way to coax the Veils to do my bidding. They might be a cause of some imbalance, but they were, in the end still a part of the whole circle of life.

That didn't sound right, actually. Maybe…afterlife?

Anyway, the goal wasn't to call them. Heck, that was the last thing I wanted to do. So while I was forging this connection, I also had to restrain myself. I was teetering on a dangerous edge here but it also injected a shot of excitement in my veins. I was very nervous. Last time I did this, I summoned frost like some Disney movie parody. If it reached some point of no return and I lost control, I'm pretty sure those shadow of death things would find their way to me. Hopefully, I would know when to stop. If I accidentally summoned my element, this monk here would be as good as meat to piranhas.

Perhaps that was why the monk played like he did.

I thought back to the music I heard in-between. How was I to…dilute its intent? I felt it was a little too intense.

Maybe not copy it at all exactly? The stars had their own will, after all. What was mine?

Be a Conduit, a Conduit, I whispered in my mind. I do not hold the water, I channel it.

I decided to mix it all a bit, drawing from my sadness inside and channeling it down to my fingers. Of all the things I currently had, I had an abundance of sadness. It was cheesy, it was cliché…but it worked, so why not? Besides, if I let go of some of it, maybe I would feel better.

The old monk and Mistress Veronika said we didn't own anything—not even ourselves. I should be capable of letting go some of my emotions that way, right? Did that mean this sadness wasn't mine too?

Wow, that was ironically sad in itself, wasn't it? If I had nothing, then who and what was I?

I went with a variation of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, playing it in a minor rather than a major scale while adding several grace notes and arpeggios amidst a variety of chords I paired with the main melody. The end result gave me something that could be played in The Nightmare Before Christmas except it felt like everyone died. The melody was very simple. There was nothing special about it at all. Nonetheless, it perfectly demonstrated my feelings. I tuned in with my surroundings as I conveyed my intent and emotions, reaching for that connection that I had before.

I sang under my breath, "Twinkle, twinkle little star…how I wonder what you are."

And I was heard. It was very easy, actually, because this place was brimming with the natural energies. They were all there to listen, just waiting to answer to the right call. It didn't take very long for them to come flocking when I called.

That very moment, I felt as though the whole world came to sympathize with me—like they were offering their love and condolences. The energies moved comfortingly. They were like swarming fireflies beaming warm and twinkling fairy lights. They slow-danced to my song in lazy circles and flashed their approval with the bulbs in their tails. They shared my sadness, bathing me with warmth from all sides. With their movement and reaction, it almost made me feel like they were singing with me too.

"Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky."

Amber told me that polished souls would ascend to the heavens. They became the stars in the sky and would stay in the in-between permanently because they earned their place. I hope my mother ascended. Hopefully she wouldn't suffer through another life like I was doing now.

"Twinkle, twinkle little star…how I wonder…what you are."

I didn't want to stop too soon but I remembered the impatient monk before me and decided to end it all after three repetitions. If I did it any longer, I was afraid I would lose control as well.

The lute of his had a beautiful, gentle sound. It reverberated less than a piano and had a calmer disposition, giving a softer edge to the melody.

When I struck the last note, the energies continued lingering for a bit before slowly dispersing. I looked up to meet the astounded eyes of the monk sitting across me.

I assume I passed at least? Would this be enough to get me through the selection round and give me some chance with reaching the top five?

I waited. The old monk had that sagely position still, fingers restlessly combing through his goatee as he eyed me with so much intensity. I sat there in silence waiting for his evaluation, mouth dropping in shock when he pulled on his beard so hard that he came away with a bunch of hair. I felt very uncomfortable under his gaze and lowered my head instead. Still, I felt his gaze burrowing holes in my skull.

"I'm sorry," I said and gave him back his lute.

He accepted, but not immediately. "How old are you?" he asked.

"I'm thirteen," I replied. Plus a decade or two from my previous life.

He started muttering to himself. "No. How is it possible? I've been practicing this for eight decades and I can't even get as much fondness! What am I doing wrong? Am I really such a badly-favored creature of this planet? A child not more than two decades old connect well with the energies and an old man like me with one foot in the grave can't even get them to sympathize with me! The heavens are unfair! Unfair! Ha! But children are known to be more in tune with their elements anyway. They're closer to the will of nature considering their age. But no. This one's already reaching her teenage years. I'm thinking about this wrongly…" he continued ranting.

"Sir…" I trailed off. "Sir, excuse me…"

He ignored me, still deep in vocalizing his inner thoughts. "What is the difference? What is the difference? I don't get it! In terms of soul and emotion, I have invested everything I have! I must just be tired. It's been a long day! But how can it be? I've been doing this for eight decades! Well, yes. Eight decades is a long time. I am just weary. Perhaps I should rest for thirteen years as well? But that's unacceptable. By the time I finish, I'd be dead!"

The difference was that I had memories and a direct encounter with things that you probably wouldn't remember encountering. If I could use this to my advantage, then why not?

I waited and waited. The old monk didn't acknowledge me at all no matter how much I tried to interrupt him. I chuckled self-depreciatingly. It was probably time I made my leave.

I turned to face the heavy oak doors and knocked. The young monk from outside opened it and let me out.

Seeing me emerge, he led me away out of the long corridors. The grumblings of the old lute-playing monk from inside rolled out of the doors, nevertheless, loud enough to make it seem as though he was chanting some mystifying mantra. The young monk looked at me questioningly.

"What happened to Master Sen?" he asked me, leaning down to offer his ear for my answer.

"I don't know," I replied, scratching my head. "He went into that mode and ignored me completely."

"Did he test you and give you a score?" he inquired.

"I don't know," I said again. "I did what he wanted me to. I just…well, I don't know."

"Let me see your affinity stone," the young monk said.

I handed it to him with no complain.

Upon checking, he sighed. "It's okay. We'll follow it up later. You won't be able to snap him out of that until he comes to on his own."

"Thank you," I told him.

"It's okay. You should go and receive the material for the last part of the test first. I'm sure this will be settled in time for the tallying of scores," he said.

"Are all the monks that weird?"

"The masters can be on the loose end a bit there. I think it comes with the whole package," he told me, whispering. "Martial arts and crazy can go hand-in-hand."

"Ahaha, okay." I laughed awkwardly.

I heeded his advice and went out of the corridor with his guidance. The last part of the test was pretty simple. We just needed to collect the material and study it for the next three days. The young monk who guided me outside announced a delay in the evaluations after I came out. People assumed I'd done something and shot me unfriendly glares.

Well, it wasn't my fault, was it?

Maybe it was, but wasn't I doing what had to be done? I don't think anyone could fault me for that? I was pretty desperate to pass this whole selection and earn my right to redemption. If I missed this chance, I would have to wait another year. And I didn't think I had that much time. I didn't want to waste that much time either.

I went to collect the material from the designated area. It was a simple booklet just five pages thick.

"Thank you," I said, accepting the cheap paper booklet with lousy binding from another monk.

"You're welcome. You're free to leave for the day. Come back in three days' time around the same hour we commenced for the last part of the evaluation."

"Understood. Thank you very much."

I went to the more secluded grounds of the Temple and hatched open the booklet. To my surprise, I was already familiar with it.

The Movement of the Seven Dragons.

Damn, only an idiot wouldn't do well in this trial. I could already hear Mistress Veronika saying I had no reason to flunk this whole affair. From the very beginning, she didn't give me any chance to. She already expected it and even made some assurances.

Insider information? Perhaps.

Cheating? Maybe nearly there?