1 chapter 1

"Are you coming or not?" My friend Darren asked as he pulled me from my locker. He brushed his matted brown hair out of his green eyes as he tugged on my elbow with his other hand."Yeah." I muttered.

How had he convinced me into this. This was going to be the worst mistake of my life. I just knew it. Don't argue with me. I've already paid for that "Wait!" I yelled suddenly. He slowed but didn't stop walking forward as he turned around. "I don't want to go." I muttered as he let go of my elbow.

He paused and gave me a small disapproving glare. I looked at my feet.

He sighed. "Mylo you'll love it, you just need to get used to it. I promise you we'll be there, we can make sure nothing happens to you!" He said persuasively.I bit my index finger like I always do when I've nervous or contemplating. "But I don't even like alcohol." I pouted."Well sometimes you just gotta drink it for the sake of getting drunk!"

I tugged and fiddled with the end of his sleeve. While also keeping my ADHD alive I was also trying to make sure he didn't just decide to go and run off to the party on his own. He was my best friend since primary school. I had already drawn a big enough rift between us by ignoring all his invitations to join him on his wild escapades. He'd been invited to a lot since high school began. I didn't want that closeness to disappear. And besides all of that I knew at some point I had to grow up. Have fun. I was a teenager but I acted like a four year old. I still sleep with my teddies for god's sake!

I'll do it. I sighed.

He grinned and grabbed my hand in his, pulling me towards the exit where his friends where waiting for him leaning on their bicycles that where now unchains and leaning against the school bicycle rack.

There gave us odd stares as they watched him untangle his fingers from mine. I blushed and tried to hide myself from view from behind Darren's slightly muscular frame.

"You go Mylo to come? Kudo's to you man, kudo's to you!" Jack cheered. He was a little shorter than me but obviously fitter with short shaved ginger hair and natural tanned skin that made his blue eyes stick out.

"Every time I ask him he turns me down." He said, then turned to me. "Mylo what changed your mind?" I scratched my head.

"I want to grow up." I said without thinking. And Jack paused, Darren too, and Alfie, the blonde tall kid sitting next to jack.

I blushed a deep red. "Oh- uh- I mean..." I began before everyone burst out laughing.Alfie even began rolling on the floor even though it wasn't that funny and Jack fell down after him rolling around on the dirt laughing as hard as they could for as long as they could.

After a while I began to think they didn't even remember what I had said and relaxed as what had began as innocent laughed turned into an outright war between the two on who can laugh on for the longest.

Honestly it was always a relief when the attention was taken off of me, for reasons I'd rather not go into I began to fear attention when I was a child. I don't think I could live through another such embarrassing moment.

My friends where all aware of this, or Darren's friends I should say. Apparently he talks about me a lot to them, which is embarrassing but I don't mind so long as I'm not there. I think that's why his friends diverted the attention off of me and began to make it into a joke unrelated to me.We left eventually after waiting a good while at the front steps of the school for Alfie's brother, Nathan, to pick us up in his sleek, red Toyota Corolla LE. I honestly have no clue about cars, I pretty much see one I like and go 'oh that's a nice car' but my friends always go 'wow look at that it has a 132-horsepower 1.8-liter four-cylinder engine mated to a four-speed automatic transmission!' and that's my cue to leave and sneak off into the shadows. So you might be wondering... Am I gay? Yes... Yes! Quite obviously if I'm honest. But that's something I don't like about myself. When they start talking about all that engine stuff they leave me out and always assume that because I'm gay I don't know anything about it. And I don't. So I'm feeding their stereotype. I hate that.After struggling to rope the two large blue hiking bicycles up on the roof of the car and Alfie finally convinced his brother to let him drive back to Darren's, we finally huddled together inside.It was five of us so technically we all had a seat. Only of course I got the seat in between Jack and Nathan, which was weird because I'd never even seen the guy before today and being huddled together with them was a bit of a weird way to meet.

Darren had 'shotgunned' the front seat and I know it's awfully sensitive of me but I felt a bit neglected at that, of course I cheered up on the way back to his.They joked around almost the entire half an hours drive to his place, practicing drunk singing and such shenanigans. They made me smile and laugh and feel like I was a part of something, honestly, this might sound wrong but, it made me feel normal.Of course the painfully shy part of me kept me just smiling and observing but that was what I enjoyed so much about the guys, they didn't need me to join in the conversation or in their 'drunk singing' for me to already be a part of it.Once we made it back to Darren's place we collected the clothes we had brought him the day prior and pulled them on as quickly as possible.We all go to a private school and its really tough. They get really mad at us if we have even the smallest imperfections with our uniform. That's why we couldn't just bring our clothes to school and change there. Once Frankie (friend of mine) got in big big trouble for changing into his part time work clothes after school.That's why I hate school most of the time. The teachers. That said I still try my best."Darren!" I tried to yell but I have a very small voice and it sounded something more like a whisper-shout.Of course Darren being my best friend and all he was used to it and heard me. "What is it babe?"My cheeks tinged a little at that. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no feelings for Darren whatsoever, I mean apart from friendship, he's like a brother, people often get that confused. I just find endearing names somehow embarrassing"I can't find my shirt." I sighed, looking away and pretending what he just did didn't effect me. "It's not in the bag and not anywhere around your room."He nodded."Just borrow."I nodded thankfully and proceeded to open a drawer on the far left side of his cabinet."Oh they are-" He began as he turned around to meet my startled face.He jumped in front of me and slammed the drawer shut so fast I thought he might take my fingers with it. "Not in there."I stared at him with wide eyes.There was about four bags of... I think... Could... Well his reaction sort of confirmed that his drawer was apparently hiding marijuana. Loosely stored under his socks, unwashed ones.I shook my head slightly. I didn't want to know. It wasn't my business.He opened the drawer beneath his hangers and pulled out a light and dark grey striped shirt. It looked nice. I liked my clothes on the grey scale.I pulled his shirt on and he hollered the rest of the guys together for us to leave. We where left waiting for Alfie who was busy spending an awful long time on his hair. I honestly didn't know what he was doing with that gel, massaging his scalp?What was the point in gel again? My hair is a rebel, it does what it wants to, when it wants to and how it wants to. Gel ain't boss enough to tame a thing like that.I stared in the mirror a little shocked. The shirt hung nearly off the sides of my shoulders. It made me look way thinner than I was. I honestly didn't realize I was that much thinner than Darren but I guessed he liked his clothes loose or something.I trailed up to my face. My hair was flying to all corners of the planet. It was black and rich and shiny looking, with curls that made it look, from afar, like an Afro, and from close up, like they where all perfectly placed just were they where.My eyes where dark brown but they where so dark they almost hid my pupils. The whites of my eyes where somewhat shadowed by my thick eyelashes. My eyelashes are weird. Boy's aren't supposed to have long eyelashes.There was a small thin almost invisible scar curling just around the edge of my eye. It was just about a lighter shade of my own luminous olive colored skin.I had a small bout of freckles just above the tip of my nose and running around the upper jawbone of my cheek. I liked them. I got them from my mother."Wait Mylo." Darren halted me, pulling me back to him by the arm and seating him next to him. "A girl gave me this to give to my sister. But well... Fuck her right." He laughed, lifting out of his pocket a small cherry chap-stick.I stared at it. "Darren I don't need lip gloss?" "Come on!" Darren urged me. "You need to get laid, we both know you bout for the other team, you should dress more like it." I ignored the stereotype, if it was anyone else, I would have made them drop the subject already."What Darren?!" I gasped. "I have no intention of getting laid!"."When will you stop acting like such a virgin dude, just go out there and look for some booty!" He yelled. Then quietened down a little. "Male booty I mean... If that... Do you guys like that?"I flushed and grabbed the chap-stick from him.I didn't reply, honestly because I didn't know. I myself did. There was just something about it that caught my attention. But I couldn't speak for anyone else.The only other homosexual guy I'd met was the boy who took my virginity.At thirteen by the way, I was thirteen when I lost my virginity. Not that I'd ever let dad know. In fact, not even Darren knows that. He thinks I lost my virginity like last year when I turned sixteen.I was trying to figure out what I was and I was making out with the boy who said he was fine experimenting with me and... Well... Um... We just got a bit carried away... Needless to say I did not top.I dabbed the chap-stick on my lips as lightly as possible.Pfft, lip salve my ass, that such crap.From the first swipe my lips turned cherry red, which I'll admit, I thought looked quite cute on me.Seriously though, I'd seen these in the pharmacy before and they cost a fortune. It's just lip gloss under another name, almost all lip cosmetics are fatty like this so it's not like it serves a special purpose.Darren took my hand and we got on our coats and shoes to wait for the others out sides.The first to meet us was Jack. He stood there staring at us grinning with a wide toothy smile. His teeth seemed almost luminous in the lamp light, it honestly got me a little afraid and I ducked a little further behind Darren."Dude why are you smiling like that, it looks freaky."Jack scowled at him and turned to me."Hey you'll notice, you're gay aren't you?"He grabbed my hand and I forced myself to look back up at him. I looked at his greasy looking hair, it was nice hair, but greasy."Uh? You put moose in it?"He face palmed himself. "What?! No!" He groaned. "I bleached my teeth!" He grinned again showing the full set of his gleaming teeth.I took a step back and I heard Alfie and Nathan slam the door closed behind them, making their way to the car before staring wide eyed at Jack."Oh my god dude why are your teeth glowing like that?! Nathan we should take him to the hospital he looks like he's been eating alien bananas!"They laughed.Jack huffed and scowled at us all, before stomping off to the car and sulking.The ride to the party was enjoyable. We passed the time making jokes at Jacks funny bright teeth and Alfie's now extremely over gelled hair and my massively over sized shirt.Nathan and Darren seemed to make it free of any teasing but I think that was because it was Darren's place we where planning on crashing at after and Nathan's car we intended to use to get there.By the time we made it, it was ten, exactly an hour past the time we where invited to come. I think that was on purpose though because I remember Alfie saying something like 'arriving early, means helping set everything up' and ' staying late, means helping put everything back'. I know nothing about parties, really, so I trusted everything they told me about them.Sure I'd watched movies. Lot's of chick flicks had parties in them. But they where always incredibly unrealistically rich extravagant.The place we where going to was normal, very normal, in fact I was super worried we'd gotten the wrong address or something. I mean... Aren't there supposed to be balloons out front or something?But once we made it even a yard near the door we where absolutely assured it was the right place. It may look like just another ordinary small house but the music playing within it was just tremendously loud.It felt like I could feel the floor buzz slightly to the beat as we stepped inside.Immediately I relaxed. Honestly I knew I didn't fit in here but knowing that I didn't stand out and it didn't look like a place of nasty surprises made me feel an awful lot better.I smiled at the girl who let us in.She was a little chubby, but that only added to her bounciness and she curved nicely. She had dyed blonde hair that was brown at the top with perfect curls and just a little too much make up.

She smiled in return. At least I think she did. It was more like a twitch on her lips as she struggled to not give me an odd look.I sighed. I'm not good with women. I thought as I moved away.Honestly I've always wanted female friends but it's harder than you'd think. I get so awkward around them and they are always so calm and carefree with me. And then when they ask me all these private questions like its so normal... I just get so nervous...I also get scared that if I befriend a group of girls that they might think I'm hitting on them or something. I've never found a group that would be okay with me being touchy freely and not consider it weird or creepy.I looked around me a little bit dazed, taking in the sight.People where indeed dancing in the small living room. It was almost crammed. It was weird dancing too. Just a jumble of weird grinding movements against your partner. Back in the corner there was a long table set up with a plastic table cloth laid over it and it was filled with rows and rows of medium sized red coke cola cups. However I doubted that was what they truly consisted of.I sniffed them and cringed. Coke and something else I think. It was fizzy but it smelt bitter.Just then I realized I'd walked off on my own.I looked around frantically for my friends.Dammit! I had intended to stay latched to Darren until the party was over. Then we could all go home and I could help take care of their drunk asses and next day at school tell everyone how I went to a party and it was amazing.Now I was stuck in the corner of the room, blinding myself under the lamplight as I willed myself to walk through it and into the wall, just desperately wishing that one of them would come over here to get a drink or something.I waited for a good half an hour before I felt comfortable enough to actually go will myself to look for them.It felt wrong wandering around a house that wasn't mine. I felt like a criminal, like any minute the owner was going to jump out of a cabinet and bang me over the head and call up the police on me.I sighed. There where only three rooms I could check on the bottom floor.The kitchen/dining room, the living room, and the toilet.I groaned. I didn't want to do this but I wanted to find the others. I was seriously afraid I would loose them all and never find my way back home or something.Where could they all disappear off to anyway? They had to be upstairs!I tiptoed silently upstairs. Cursing every blasted step that creaked or groaned loudly. The music quietened down considerably on the second floor. Only the vague buzzing of the beat could be felt and sometimes the odd mumble of wild words.I looked down the hallway.Four rooms.I went to the one closest to me.It was dark and the lights where out. It was obviously empty. I was relieved it was so. Apparently the guest rooms in parties are often claimed by the horny drunks, Darren's words not mine.The second room however, as I silently creaked it open, had the lights on. They where dim though. I couldn't tell if it was just the lamplight or the bulb in the room. It was so difficult to see. I glared through the darkness.Was there anyone here? A part of me said no but another part sensed an unbelievably strong presence in the room.I shivered."D-Darren?" I took a step further in the room. "Alfie? U-um J-Jack?" I felt the hairs crawl on my neck. There was totally someone in here.Then I heard a rustle and jumped back for the door.Too late. I winced as it slammed shut and a dominant figure stepped forward from the shadows.