Reciprocity

kissed by death.

There was a girl I knew that was the embodiment of these words. A lovely person with flowers woven in her hair and streams of water decorating her skin.

She was also- the warm sunshine that made death happy.

I looked at the different flowers outside the shop, deciding which would suit her best. While in my thoughts I didn't notice the vendor that approached me.

"Hello" the old lady smiled at me "Which one would you like?" 

If it was a few moments ago, I would have asked myself the same question, but now, my eyes were fixed on it. The flower describing them best.

I pointed to the old lady, the flower I wanted to buy. She looked at me for a moment more, before bowing her head, picking the flowers with a keen smile.

"Is there something wrong?" It couldn't be helped that it piqued my curiosity.

"Ah...no, it's only, the flower you picked was my husband's favourite." Her whole face wrinkled up at the memory. "How many would you like?"

"Only one, thank you" 

I took the violet coloured flower from her and paid with the banknote from my pocket.

A small breeze gently beat the ends of the ribbon hugging the flower's stem. it carried the smell right to my nose. The flower I chose had a simply horrendous odour!

"Fufufu, it really deserves its name" I didn't get very far, allowing the old lady to see my reaction. Her hand was covering her half-laugh, it brought a new light to her eyes. "I had the same reaction as you. Such a beautiful flower, but the smell is terrible! Ah, really! It keeps all the bugs away from my house!"

I peered behind. The old lady had tears at the edge of her eyes. She was sitting in front of a shop without a name, with only a wooden board, on which engraved was a flowerpot.

I found myself half-shouting from where I was " How are they named?"

She only managed to mouth the words between her laughs, but I understood.

The distant laughs of the old lady were continued by me, attracting the gazes of passersbys.

Indeed, how amusing! A yellow flower hugged by purple petals with a smell that scares the dead.

I must have a gift for this kind of choices!

Every day was another flower, another crown, another shop. I finally found the best-suited gem for her black hair to be adorned with.

I dropped my head, hair falling in the front of my eyes.

"Hehehehehehe! Pff-. I can't stop- hahaha-" I had tears in my eyes. But unlike the old lady, mine fell without stopping.

My palm covered my eyes like a useless barrage. One full with cracks and splits. It let the trickle of tears fall down to my chin, leaving behind wet traces on my cheeks.

It felt uncomfortable and sticky.

"Stop, stop, stop" I whispered between snickers. It was all so dawning. Like it was scripted for all of them to appear today!

I tightened my grip on the stem, careful not to break it.

I made my way through the tangled paths. My shoulders stiffened. The normal reaction when being watched by dozens of stone eyes. Angry for their rest to be perturbed. 

I quieted down before my laughs could become wails. Raising my head high, parting my chapped lips, I  breathed in the gust of wind rushing forward. The cool air dried my tears and the sweat appearing on my forehead. The threads of hair stuck to it, the only sign that it was ever there.

However many are watching, may watch. Because I came to only one.

With heavy steps, I paused in front of the most familiar stone eyes from this place.

From my coat's pocket, I took out a crumpled sheet of paper. I opened it even tho, I knew what was written on it.

I took a deep breath, preparing to let every word burdening my mind be free, but nothing came out.

I tried once more, and again, and again.

In the end, what came out was only "Even now, you manage to leave me speechless"

I wanted to look away, to let the blue sky clear my mind, to let me put my frustration, my anger, my chagrin into words. To let the one responsible be aware of what she had done.

But I didn't.

The crumpled paper found its way back where it came from, while the ground beneath my feet steadied the quake inside me.

I locked gazes with the unmoving stone eyes in front of me.

"I know it took me a while to come, but I know you didn't feel lonely"

She, who used to see me every day, lit up when her white life constricted by four walls was touched by the flowers I brought. A flower crown for a day, for a princess of a lonely kingdom. For every withered crown, there would be a new one in the morning. But for every part of her that withered, there was no replacement.

He changed everything.

"He kept you company every day, didn't he?" I narrowed my eyes "After all, he was the one that took you away. So, he better be"

My fingers rubbed at the flower stem.

"Remember what you told me that day? You told me that he visited you at night, that you spoke, that he took the withered flowers away and made them colourful again. Even your face that was usually pale and serene was tinted by red from your excitement. That day, you looked truly alive,- happy"

When she told me the first time, I instinctively looked at the flowers. They were gone. Of course, they were most probably in the trash, making place for the new ones.

But it kept happening, every day, you greeted me with the same blush on your face, and I was happy. It made me ignorant.

"I thought that if you were happy to see him for another night, then you would live to see me for another day. Until you told me that he will leave and you will leave with him." My head fell to the side, the heaviness of it all, being too much of a burden. "I didn't understand it then and I was mad when you actually went through with it."

I slowly kneeled down.

"I visited today to tell you that-" a sigh escaped before I could continue "I still don't understand what you told me but I trust that you now have what couldn't make your eyes gleam when you were here. He made it happen then and i'm sure he makes it happen now, too."

I raised the corner of my lips in a leer  "Don't misunderstand, i'm still mad at him!" The clenched fist at my side can prove it "That's why I want him to make a crown from my withered flowers. A colourful one for a queen, since he can make them beautiful again. That way I can keep you company like before."

"This-" I raised the purple flower in front of my chest and held it out towards her "is the flower that suits you best, " I said in an earnest tone "I started laughing when I learned of its name, Bittersweet. Isn't it fitting?" 

A sunlike flower emerging from purple petals in the day and being hugged by them at night.

"Hahaha. Its smell can also be considered my gift. It should keep the bugs away, since you dislike them that much" The flower found its place at the bottom of the tombstone.

I stood up on much steadier legs than the ones I came here. I stretched my stiff back, finally looking at the sky. It was cloudy, but the clouds were all white and puffy.

"Next time when i'll come i'll bring one too" With a last glance, i left on the same path where i came from. The difference is that now, I could feel only one- no, two gazes on my back. 

I couldn't quite smile yet, but I didn't feel suffocated anymore.

From today onwards, it won't be, she, who was kissed by death.

It will be, she, who kissed death back.

-END.