6 I don't need you

" i'll only hurt you if you let me "

Trigger warning: Abuse

... i run down the hallway , try to hide me somewhere , somewhere who he can't find me , but i know he always could find me. I hear his steps come closer to me , i closed my eyes , wished it is just a dream. I felt his hand grabbed my arm, dragged me out of under my parents bed. He pulled me up, pushed me against the wall " why don't you listen to me ? why i always have to punish you ! " he scream at me, slapped me in my face. I put my arms over my face to protect myself but he tore my arms from my face, grabbed my arm , pulled me through the apartment into my room , slammed the door behind him.

" please stop , you hurt me " i cried out curled up into a ball on my bed, hope that he didn't beat me again. He pulled my arm to get me up again but i try to fight back to make him stop. " i'm not done with you , get the fuck up Stella ! " i grabbed tighter on my bed "please stop" i begged.

"goddamn stella ...

Estella's POV:

I jumped up , breathing heavily , tears running down my cheek. I tried to catch my breath , sat up on the bed , my hand over my chest. " breathe stella, breathe i'm here " she says in a low-deep morning voice, rubbed my arm up and down. I looked at her confused, still believe i am dreaming. " bad dream ? " she ask softly.

I realized i'm not dreaming anymore , i sit in a stranger bed in a stranger house , can't remember what happened last night. I slapped her hand away , jumped out of the bed " dude what the fuck are you doing here ? where am i ? " i watch, eyes wide with shock. She stand up walked towards me " yo chill. you were to drunk to take care of yourself. Den asked me to take you with me , so here you are " she stood in front of me , hands on her hips.

I huff in sarcasmn , turn away from her to look for my bag and my phone. She grabbed my hand, turned me back to her " i don't know what is goi... " i shoved her way from me " yo, what's going on with you? " she frowns at my response " stella i just want you to help you , i want to be he.. " i held my hand up, let her not ending her sentence " stop that. i don't need your help. the fuck do you expect?" i sighed " okay listen to me " i look straight into her eyes, she opened her mouth to answer me , but i cut her off "i don't know you , and i don't want to , so can you please leave me alone , and mind your own business? "

She cleared her throat , was about to get closer to me. i stepped back, shook my head " no, get away from me. " i look around the room, turned my gaze back to her "where's my bag and my phone ? " she pointed towards her nightstand.

I walked over to the nightstand grabbed my phone , shoved it in my pocket of my pants, pulled up my bag, threw it around my shoulder " stella can you please listen to me " she lowly says behind me , i lift my head up and sighed annoyed , turning back to look at her directly " i said no , let me make it clear. I don't need you , i don't want to know you. get this shit in your head " i walked past her, bumped into her shoulder.

" this shit is crazy " i mumbled , opened the door and ran down the stairs. I know i'm kinda hard to her , but i don't deserve her help. She seems like a real sweetheart , always want to help, but i know i'm not good for her. I don't meant to be rude but it is the better way to keep her away from me. I walked along the hallway opened the front door and went out of the house. I don't really want to go home , i know so much trouble waiting for me there, but i have to.

Billie's POV:

I sighed , went out of my room slammed the door shut , walked downstairs to the kitchen. I don't get it , what did i do to her that she treats me like shit ? All i want to do is be there for her , to help her , talk to her when she is in a bad mood, but all she doing is push me away. Right i don't know her , but i want to know her better, i want to be her friend and i know she wouldn't mind it, she didn't wanted that i leave her side and it wasn't because she was drunk, i saw that in her eyes.

I don't give up no matter how many times i have to try it , i don't give up on her. I opened the fridge , took out my vegan sandwich , put on the coffee machine , grabbed a cup out of the cupboard , set down the cup of the counter , leaned against it with my back, fell in my thoughs a i waited for my coffee.

" are you okay ? " i jumped , Finneas stand next to me but i didn't noticed him "bro you scared me " i laughed turned around to fill my cup with the coffee " but yea i'm okay " i sat down on the counter , set my cup down next to me.

" are you sure ? i heard you argued with the girl, you took home with you , who is she by the way? " i slide my hand down my face, sighed " i don't know bro, her name is stella, that girl i told you who is always a rude ass. She drunk a lot yesterday and had a breakdown, i decided to help her but know she is pissed at me. "

I sipped some of my coffee. Finneas sat down in front of me, gave me sympthatic look , a smile on his lips. " what ? " i ask him, took a bite of my sandwich. " Billie i know you are always good to other people, and i hear out you like her , i don't know why but you do, but when she treats you like that , then you should leave her." i shook my head,put my sandwich down on my plate.

" no bro , you don't understand. i feel bad for her , i want to help her " i stood up from my seat, put my empty cup in the sink " i don't know what is going on with her... " i cut myself off , as my phone vibrates in my pocket , i pulled my phone out of the pocket of my pants, saw that i got a message from a unknown number. I unlocked my phone opened the message.

" what is it ? " i heard Finneas say , still sitting at the counter. " huh ? " i looked up from my phone " what is it ? " he repeated, grabbed the other half of my sandwich from the plate , held it up to me " you eat that ? " I locked my phone and set it down on the counter "no , feel free" i answered, let out a slight laugh. I took the empty plate and put it next to the sink, turned back to Finneas who munch happily on the sandwich.

" Denise , Stella's best friend. She want to talk to me" i raised my eyebrow confused. " so , you want talk to her ? " he said before he swallows down, let out a loud burp " ew what the .. " i looked at him in disgust " whatever, yea i meet her in town, can you take pepper out ? I have to get ready " i grabbed my phone, went out of the kitchen.

He let out a snort " don't worry i go on a walk with her " he shout out of the kitchen. I run upstairs to my room, pulled out my phone again to text Stella quickly , i need to talk to her, i don't care if she want or not. I opened instagram and clicked on her profile to message her , send the message, closed the app and locked my phone, tucking it into my pocket.

I grabbed my white joggers and white hoodie and rushed into the bathroom. I took off my clothes and steps under the shower, let the hot water run down my body. I got out of the shower , slid on my underwear , my joggers and hoodie. I went over to the sink and brushed my teeth, spit out the touthpaste and washed out my mouth.

I brushed my hair and straightened it a little bit. I went out of the bathroom, walked down the stairs and went to the hallway , i bend down to pull on my shoes grabbed my keys from the table , went out of the house and closed the door gently behind me. I walked over to my car, opened the door and slide into the driver seat. I pulled out of the driveway and made my way to meet Den. I wonder what she wants to talk to me which is so important.

Estella's POV:

Since i went home, i walked straight to my room, i don't want to talk to my Mom or my Brother, i know they would keep me up on my behavior, but i don't care what they have to say , i do what i want. Peroid. I'm glad they keep me alone with they shit and haven't spoken to me yet. I laid down on my bed , listen to my Aaryan Shah playlist, i love his music, it calm me down if i had a rough day. I stopped my music as my phone lit up with a notification. I sighed and sit up, clicked on the notification. " goddamn" i mumble as i saw that Billie wrote me, why she doesn't leave it all alone ? I clicked on her message.

wherearetheavocados: i know you don't want to talk to me, but i want. can we talk please ?

What doesn't she understand when i say that she should leave me alone ? She make it all to hard for me to keep away from her. Why can't she stay away from me ? I clicked on her profile and my heart sinks lower as i clicked on " block the user"

It break my heart to do this to her , but i have to. I have to do it all , to keep her away, she can't be friends with me, so hard i want it but it can't be happen. I know my stupid self, all she do is being good to me. That is enough to drive me crazy, and catch feelings, then it comes out that she is straight and in the end of the day my heart is broken, again. I don't want this to happen so i have to be a bitch. I closed the app and opened my music app again, clicked on play , laid back down and closed my eyes.

Billie's POV:

I drove around the corner and saw Den waiting already in front of the cafe. I pulled in the parking lot, turned off my car, unbuckelt my seatbelt, got out of the car. I walked over to Den " do you want stand around here with me like idiots or you want go inside ? " i force my smile onto my lips,she slighty laughs pulls me in for a hug " no let go inside , i'm glad you are here" she pulled away and walked over to the front door, opened the door. I walked past her turned around to her " you want a drink or something ? "

" sure , caramel frappuccino please " she says and smiled at me "okay i'll order. You can look for a seat" i answer her and walked over to the cashier.

" hey , welcome . what can i do for you ? " the cashier smiled at me. " uhm , a caramel frappuccino and a salted caramel frappuchino with soya milk please. " i say, smiled back at him " alright , for Billie right ? " he grins from ear to ear " yea right " i affirms with a smile.

" okay here we go , enjoy it " he said, handed me the frappuccinos, i gave him twenty extra dollar " keep this " i smiled at him and walked over to Den. I put down the drinks, sat down and laid my phone down on the table " so you wanna talk with me ? " i look at her , sip on my frappuccino . "yea , about Stella. Is she okay ? " i rolled my eyes " so you let me drive the whole way to talk about stella ? " crossing my arms above my chest, leanded back on my seat

"Billie please, don't be like that. I care so much about her, i know what happened last night is bad shit but i know too that she was safe with you , i'm glad you was there, i know she like you and that is pnly what matters to me " i laugh at her in sarcasmn, raised my eyebrow "the fuck you say ? she like me ? no , she treated me like shit this morning " she looked at me confused " what are you talking about ? "

I leaned over to her " look, all she did this morning was yelling at me , she didn't care that i helped her, but it is okay. I know y'all aren't bad people and i want to be friends with y'all and with her but for real it is kinda hard to talk to her if she is being a bitch" she sighed and looked down at her hands, playing with her fingers " bil, stella had a bad time in the past, her stepfather beat her up for 13 years, her dad won't talk to her , she was heartbroken so many times, it is hard for her to open up to new people, but i know and you can trust me she like you and she appreciated that you keep her safe"

I looked at her in shock , cleared my throat "shit, i didn't knew what is going on with her , know i understand why she act this way, maybe i should give her time" she looked up at me softly and smiled " but please billie be honest with her , i don't need a heartbroken stella again " i looked at her confused "i don't know what you mean, i just want to be her friend "

" yea " she mumbled , sipped on her frappuchino . I'm literally confused , what she meant by " be honstest , i don't want a heartbroken stella again" if she think i'm gay sorry i'm not, i mean the fuck i'm absolutely not dude, so why should i break her heart. Does that mean Stella is gay ? Den pushed me out of my thoughts by waving her hand in front of my face " hello ?"

" sorry, what did you say ? " she gave me a questionable look " i ask how's your music business ? not gonna lie i love you music, please don't think i only talk to you because you are the Billie Eilish " she laughed " yea , i love it but sometimes it's kinda hard, but i love to make music i love to make people happy with my music" i smiled at her " and don't worry if i find out you only talk to me because of i am Billie Eilish i would beat your ass " we both burst out in laugher " i wouldn't mind it " she laughs, i snort " dude what the fuck " i slapped her arm " don't worry i'm joking, you know stella don't know who you are?"

"yea, please don't tell her , it is good for me when sometimes people don't recognize me " she noded " i know, we played your song in the car , she didn't know the song and Mat was about to tell her that it is your song but i cut him off " she laughs, i slapped my hand in my face " god thank you" i smiled. My phone lit up on a table with a message . I grabbed my phone and clicked on the message.

Isaac.be11: you wanna come to a party today ?

wherearetheavocados: i'm down

I got out of the messenger , clicked on Stella's profile . " user not found". I looked confused at Den "stella delete her instagram ? " she shook her head "no i don't think so " she pulled out her phone "wait" she unlocked it and opened instagram, she clicked on stella's profile, looked up at me " no , she didn't deleted it " she showed me her screen. " hold on " i say to her and clicked on the messenger and opened Stella's contact. " user blocked you"

"fuck" i breathe out threw my phone on the table " yo , be careful " Den looked at me shooked. " dude she blocked me " i answered angrily, run my hand through my hair " no way " she said in disblief " did i stutter ? " my neck jerked to the side, i grabbed my phone from the table shove it in my pocket, was about to get up "she didn't mean to , don't worry about that , talk to her in the school " she said to me guilty.

" yea, whatever. i have to go , see you on monday " i stood up , she looked up at me softly , stood up and pulled me in a hug " i'll see you " she pulled away and smiled at me. I went out of the cafe over to my car. I know she can be a bitch, but this is way to hard. Maybe i should leave her alone and don't care anymore. I buckled my seatbelt , drove out of the parking lot , made my way back at home. I need to push her to the furthest corner of my mind. I should give a fuck, she don't want me in her life? Fine. I'm absolutely not happy about to see her in school. I don't want to hear her shit. I'm out.