5 Don't leave me

 if i could change the way that you see yourself"

REWRITTEN

Estella's POV:

Maybe I fucked up and I won't admit it, I just wanted to forget anything for a second, maybe I'm a coward. Maybe I should go back, I should do something, but I'm fucking hurt, not because he is pissed at me, it's because of his words. I know what I did was wrong, I know I'm nothing, he is right, I can't go back and pretend nothing happened. I can't. I didn't do that for a reason, I'm drunk, I'm high. I know it isn't an excuse but I can't control myself when I'm intoxicated. She is my best friend, it was just a thing between best friends, nothing else, but I shouldn't have done that. The way he looked at me, the disappointment in his eyes. The way Billie looked at me like she was disgusted. Why am I such an asshole to her? I just want to run away, stop the voices in my head. I went out of the house, sat down on the stairs and took a long sip from the liquor bottle, maybe I can forget everything with that. I felt my head spin but it didn't stop me from drinking half of the bottle, I put the bottle down next to me, held on to the bannister and stood up. I can't take any more, everything is getting worse, I just want it all to stop. I walked drunkenly towards the street, I felt my phone start to ring in my pocket, I pulled my phone out.

Unknown User:

answer decline

I declined the call, I don't wanna talk, whoever it is, it isn't important to me anymore. I looked down at my phone and saw Den called me like 6 times, tears ran down my cheek. I don't wanna hear her out, I already know that it is my fault. I turned off my phone and shoved it back in my pocket. Maybe if I end this, everything will be fine.

Billie's POV:

I'm freaking out, I've searched the whole damn house for Stella. I'm so pissed at her friends, they act like they're friends but in the end no one cares about her. The whole situation sucks, but everyone makes mistakes, that's no reason to act like a baby, be selfish or resentful. The bigger problem is that I couldn't find her, not in the backyard, not in the living room or on the first floor, not in one of the many rooms. She shouldn't be alone in this state. I decided to give it up, searching for her on my own was getting me nowhere, I needed the help of her friends. I went back to the kitchen where they were still arguing about what had happened.

" Yo! " I shouted over their voices, they all turned to me and stopped arguing.

"I'm so sick of y'all. I couldn't find her, and y'all just standing around like idiots to argue instead of looking for her? Get your shit together, we have to look for her! I don't care if you want or not. She is your friend ! " everyone was silent in the room, Adrian walked towards me, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"She chose to be a bitch, so I don't care where she's," he turned his head back to the others.

" And I think everyone in this room thinks the same" he looked back at me, looking at me up and down.

" except for you, the big Billie Eilish with the big heart, go and find your slut" I raised my eyebrow at him, walked past him, and raised my arms " Really? the fuck! Y'all should cut the bullshit real quick, we need to find her damn!" I scream.

" she's is right," Alex said behind me, laying her hand on my lower back " come on guys, we all know what can happen and I don't want to this happen" she turned her head to Den " you are her best friend, please " she begged.

Den looked down at her hands, sighed and looked back at us "All alright, Alex you and Billie look again through the whole house. Mat, Adrian and me we're trying to call her and her Mom maybe she knows something. We stay here and wait, maybe she comes back" she walked over to Adrian and grabbed his hand, he slapped her hand away "You've got to be kidding me, right? " He looked at us as if we were joking.

"Baby please get over it for a minute, she is your friend too" She laid her hand on his cheek and looked at him softly, he turned his head away "Fine" he muttered.

"Alright, let's go, we can't waste any more time" Alex said and pulled me out of the kitchen. We went to the first floor with all the bedrooms, we searched every damn room but no Stella, we went to the bathroom, opened the door but that was empty too, we walked down the stairs, past the living room to the backyard but there was nothing but a couple of teenagers playing beer pong.

We went back to the last room, the living room, but she wasn't there. "That doesn't make sense, she's not in here. Can you please call Den?" I turned to Alex with pleading eyes, who took her phone out of her pocket: "Shit, my battery's dead, I can just text her," she hissed angrily.

She opened her contact as I grabbed her hand to stop her "Wait. give me Stella's number, and I'll try to call her while you text Den " She opened Stella's contact and handed me her phone, i took it out of her hand, pulled out my phone, unlocked it and typed in her number, handed Alex her phone back. I pressed the call button and waited. She didn't answer me, I tried it a second time, and declined " fuck " I grumbled and threw my phone on the couch, sat down next to it, and put my head in my hands.

Alex sat down next to me and laid down her hand on my thigh " She didn't pick up? " I looked up at her and shook my head. " Den said we should meet at the entrance, we have to look up the area around the house," she said gently, I nodded and got up, walking with Alex to the entrance of the house.

"Okay guys, she isn't at home and she isn't here, she didn't answer my calls. We have to look around the house, the street and the places she likes " she said to all of us, pointing towards me "You and Alex look around the house and the street. Mat, me and Adrian will drive to the places she likes , if you find her, call me okay? " I nodded, I was about to get out when Den stopped me with her hand on my shoulder.

" thank you bil " she smiled at me, I smiled back turned around opened the door, grabbed Alex her hand to go out.

" the fuck Stella! " Alex screamed. I let go of Alex's hand and ran towards Stella who was about to walk on the street, I reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Get the hell off me," she screamed and tore herself free from my grip, pushing me back. She ran towards the road and stopped in the middle of it.

" Stella! " I screamed as I saw a car drive towards her,I ran after her, grabbed her jacket and pulled her back at the last second, i stumbled and fell on the sidewalk with her. She tried to get out of my grip, hitting my chest, " I said let me fucking go " tears running down her cheeks. I didn't let go of her, instead I held her tighter to me.

I turned around and saw Alex and Den coming over to us, I held my hand out to them to show them to stop. I turned back to her, "Breathe Stella, you need to calm down, please," I whispered to her when I realised she wasn't trying to get off, I rubbed her back up and down to calm her down.

"Please let me go, I just want it to stop, please " she sobbed in my chest. I put my finger under her chin and lifted her head to look at me, I studied her face, there was so much pain in her eyes, it was like she wasn't alive anymore.

I wiped the tears from her cheeks with my thumb, still looking into her eyes "You need to listen to me" She nodded and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, I took her other hand and placed it on her heart "Do you feel that? that's called purpose, you're here for a reason." I turned my head and pointed at her friends.

"They're one of the reasons, they're your friends and they love you," I looked at her and looked her in the eyes "It's okay that you're not okay, you may be hurt at some point and you'll be miserable, but trust me it'll get better," she looked at me with her sad eyes but still didn't say anything.

"You don't understand," she mumbled, looking down at her hands, "It's like I'm drowning in my fucking head, I need it all to stop for two seconds," she looked into my eyes again, "I need it all to stop," I pulled her closer to me, resting her head in my neck, "I know I'm here for you," I said softly, rocking her back and forth, "I can't take this shit anymore," she mumbled into my neck. I didn't talk, I just tried to comfort her.

I wished I could make her happy and make all the pain go away. It hurts to see her in so much pain, I don't know her that well but I feel like I need to protect her from everything and everyone, I felt tears welling up in my eyes but I can't cry in front of her, she needs someone to be strong for her.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned my head and looked up at Den who was standing behind us. " we should go home, she needs to sleep, would you mind if she stays at yours? I think she needs you now and she can't go home like this. I will call her mom and tell her she will sleep at mine, is it okay ?" she said softly, I nodded "I don't mind, I'll take her to my place "

I looked down at Stella " Come on, you're coming with me " I let go of her and was about to get up when she grabbed my jacket " No" she whimpered, pulling me back " Stella, we have to get up, I didn't want to sleep on the street"

"I don't wanna get up" she cried out, clinging to me, still not moving, I sighed and turned around "Alex can you open my car? I need to carry her" She nodded and I tossed her my keys. I stood up and pulled Stella up to carry her bridal style to my car, a smile forming on my lips as she clung to me tighter.

Alex opened the door, I laid her down on the backseat. I turned to Alex, my hand on my forehead, "What a rough night, huh? " She smiled at me " Yeah, I'm glad she's okay, I'm glad you're here for her, Bil, really " I held out my arms " Come here " I pulled her into a tight hug " Thanks for tonight, I'll see you on Monday " I pulled away from her and walked over to the driver's seat.

" Hey, can I have your number at least? " she shouted after me, walking towards me.

"Sure, but isn't your phone down " she pulled her phone out of her pocket " shit, it's down and I don't know my number" She gave me a sad look " Hey, it's okay, give me your hand I'll write it down there " she smiled and held her hand out to me, I wrote down my number, "Thanks Bil, see you", she waved to me and walked away

I closed the door and was about to drive away, I sighed, as i heard Den scream " Bil, stop !" she ran towards my car, I rolled down the window "What is it? " I gave her an annoyed look. " I just wanna say thank you bil, you saved her life " She looked at me softly.

"Next time control yourself, you could have stopped her," I snapped at her. "I know, good night Bil" She looked at me guiltily. I rolled up the window and made my way to my house.

The ride was silent, Stella slept in the backseat and everything played on repeat in my head, what was that with Alex, why is Stella like that? why do I feel so connected to her? I pulled into the driveway, unbuckled my seatbelt, turned around and shook Stella, "Hey, wake up, we're here," "I whispered, but she didn't move.

I pulled out my phone and called Finneas to open the door. I got out of the car and opened the backseat door, I pulled her up to carry her in the house,Finneas opened the door and gave me a questioning look " Bil who is this? " I walked past him "I'll tell you later, good night Fin " I walked through the hallway to the stairs, walked up the stairs, pushed the door open with my foot, walked to my bed and gently laid her down.

I walked back to close the door and went back to the bed, I took off her shoes and pulled her in the middle of the bed, laying the cover over her. I switched off the light and was about to leave the room.

"Please stay," she mumbled and I turned to face her. "What?", I asked to make sure she was saying what I was hearing, "I said please stay with me, I don't want to be alone"

I closed the door again, walked over to her, took off my shoes and lay down next to her, settling under the covers.

" goodnight Bil " she whispered. " goodnight Stella " I lay flat on my back, closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep.

I heard Stella shuffling around, she turned to me, wrapped her arms around my waist and nuzzled her head into my neck, I could feel the warmth of her breath on my neck. My chest felt light and happy, a permanent smile was on my face, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes again. Maybe this night isn't so bad after all.