156 Chapter 156 - Unexpected

"I can see the gears running in your head." He kissed my forehead before pulling me into a tight hug. "Nothing like that but rather I just highjacked the game they were playing and made myself the winner."

I was still stuck on the part where he managed to get in writing approval for him to date and do as he pleased. No matter who it was with.

It was not that I believed it to be impossible. After all nothing was impossible, with some effort I thought we could find a workaround. However, that being said I considered this a long haul endeavor. Realistically I figured that this would be taking small actions to get our parents on board and if we have their backing then maybe we can convince the others.

But this was unexpected. 

Also the contract included marriage. I was not necessarily against marrying Dean as I do care about him deeply where I might call it love. But we have not yet discussed it or at the minimum explicitly said it out loud. Not that I recall at least.

As usual Dean caught on to my subtle change in emotion and paused to see what was going on. "Hey is everything ok?" He rubbed my shoulders which broke my train of thought. "Oh um yeah I am fine?" It came out more like a question.

"Wait lets take a seat." I pushed aside the pillows and blankets so we can sit on the bed comfortably. "Don't take this wrong way but this is more so I know where we stand. I have been really happy with the way our relationship is progressing but just so I am clear... do you see my as someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with?"

His eyes which dimmed from my unenthused reaction lit up in surprise from my question. "You are kidding me right? You have never once noticed?"

His rebuttal threw me off. "Noticed what?" My confused expression told him that I was not messing with him. "I have loved you for many years. You have always had a deep place in my heart. It is with warrant that people would claim that you were the only one who could control me back in school, I was and still am head over heels in love with you. I cannot imagine a life with you not in it and especially with you not by my side."

His confession stunned me. My brain short wired as I have never experienced such raw and pure truth and emotion pour from him. 

"I know I never really said out loud but that is because I am holding back. I know your history and you know mine. I wanted to make myself worthy of your love and I did not want to pressure you with my feelings. The best way I can describe it is like a dam. It is so full but I don't want you to be lost or feel like you have to reciprocate if I let it all out."

He suddenly in that moment had fear in his eyes. This was probably one of his biggest insecurities and yet, for my sake, he was letting me in. "Why do you think you would not be worthy of my love? You unknowingly had it all this time."

His head which was drooped snapped up as we revered roles and he was staring wide eyed at me. "I used to have the biggest crush on you back when we were little and especially in high school. I thought I had a good chance when we were in our school student council but when the rumors spread about your relationships I lost the courage."

This was something I never admitted before. Even to myself I kept those feelings buried deep in my soul never to be uttered out loud. But back I was crushing hard on him. But hearing his exploits stung a bit. Not because it was not me but rather my own internalized issues with my own body image that killed me a bit.

How would I fare if given the chance against people who were like models. It felt like ants crawling on my skin imagining having to be that vulnerable and naked with someone you like. That lack of self courage was something I managed to get more in control over in college only for Felix to break down all I worked hard for and then some.

"In the way you felt unworthy of my love I felt unworthy of even receiving any love."

The night which started well was now heavy under the weight of our confessions. Yet it was not a crushing heaviness rather it felt like a weighted blanket, there was an odd sense of comfort from it.

Deans eyes flicked from his rapidly changing emotions. Surprise, anger, helplessness and then finally love. "Princess, you will always be more than worthy to receive love. And as long as I am alive and with every breath I have you will never doubt that love. regardless of what got us here just know that no other woman will replace you. You are all I need and want."

I gripped his hands and for the first time in my life dropped every wall I had surrounding me. "As do I." He cupped the back of my head and pulled me into a kiss which quickly devolved into hunger and desperation.

It was as though we were starving and our very beings were a life essence we needed. We clung to one another as though we may never do so again. Our clothes scattered the floor and we explored our bodies with fervor.

"I love you." I whispered and moaned it into his ear with every wave of pleasure I experienced. He would say it back with every kiss and breath he had in him. We lasted long into the night and it was not until twilight was upon us did we stop. This was the most intense intimacy we shared with one, a testament to the emotional and physical barrier that broke between us.

It was a point of no return but one we did not wish to undo.