1 Episode 1. One Among Many

Tomo looked into the mirror. Long black hair falling down his back. Three pairs of studs, mostly hidden by the hair, though visible if he put his hair behind his ears. Brown eyes. Red and navy striped tie, white shirt, grey cardigan and black trousers.

What he saw looked like a normal student.

Well, almost.

He looked at the scissors in his hand and tried to figure out where to cut…

***

“Good morning,” Tomo muttered as he hurried to his seat.

He had planned on leaving his fringe alone, but he couldn’t see anything, so before leaving home he had pinned it back, leaving his previously hidden forehead bare. That alone was making him feel uncomfortable, adding to the discomfort he already had felt.

Around his seat were a group of boys, who always talked to each other and mostly ignored him. Now they looked at him in surprise.

“Eh… Morning, Seki.” Suzuki sounded hesitant and his gaze flickered to the boy sitting next to Tomo. “I thought people had image changes before the term started,” he laughed, but it sounded strained.

He pursed his lips and sat down by his desk, resting his chin in his palm and stared out of the window past the boy to his right, trying to hide his anxiety.

School regulations required male students to keep their hair above shoulder-length. He hadn’t cut his hair because he wanted to, nor had he thought he would have had to cut it. To ensure he wouldn’t go against the regulations further, he had read through the student handbook several times. The student handbook said the school supposedly allowed piercings.

He put his head against the desk with a sigh. His father had to come to the school for a discussion. Again. A teacher had scolded him for inappropriate appearance and behaviour when he walked through the school gate this morning.

The teacher entered the classroom to begin with homeroom. Tomo raised his hand.

“Yes?”

“I’m not feeling well. Can I leave, Handa-sensei?”

The teacher looked at Tomo with a sigh. “Yes, go ahead, Momoi.”

“It’s Seki, though.”

A chuckle came from someone somewhere in the centre of the room, and the English teacher looked sternly at the crowd as Tomo stood up.

***

The health teacher was filling in some paper when he entered the office. Unlike the other teacher’s offices, she shared it with two beds and cabinets with medical equipment, as if the infirmary next door extended into the office.

She looked at him for a moment before kindly smiled at him.

“Here again, Seki-kun?” she asked. “What do you need help with today? Headache? Stomach ache? Toe ache? Wrist ache? Heartache? A sprain? Lack of sleep?”

Without answering, Tomo pointed to the beds. One had the curtain pulled around it to give the person some privacy.

“No need to be quiet. It’s Yamada-kun,” she sighed heavily.

Relieved, Tomo sat down on the other bed.

“I’m depressed that society seems to have rules about what length you can keep your hair,” he honestly answered her earlier question and he could see the realisation in her expression.

He heard how fabric moved against fabric before Ken’s messy brown hair and face with chocolate eyes appeared as he pulled the curtain out of the way.

“That’s just stupid,” the third-year said. He studied Tomo for several minutes, making Tomo’s cheeks turn hot. It was one of those things Ken sometimes did that made him embarrassed for no reason. “It suits you, Momo-chan.”

“Lay back down and be quiet, or go back to class instead of sleeping here every other class,” the teacher told Ken sternly, and the third-year-student disappeared behind the curtain again.

***

When the second period was almost over, Tomo got out of the bed. He wanted to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes, but avoided it because of the contacts.

Suzuki was out somewhere, so he peeked past the curtain to see the other bed. Ken had fallen asleep too, but unlikely by accident. Perhaps the drama club had had early morning activities.

“Yama-senpai, wake up.” Tomo shook Ken’s arm. “You should go to class.”

Ken stretched out as he woke up, looking sleepily at Tomo. “I would rather have a beautiful girl that woke me up.”

“Sorry for not being one of your girls,” Tomo put his hands on his hips, “but you should get to class.”

“Shouldn’t you too?” Ken said with a grin and sat up.

“I’m going now.”

The older boy yawned and got out of the bed, throwing a glance around the room. ”Momo-chan is so cute,” he whispered as he put his arms over Tomo’s shoulders. “It’s a shame about your hair. It took you years to grow it out. You okay?”

Tomo put his arms around him. “I’m fine. Shouji tried to convince Yamamoto. Though it seems someone will call about my piercings next.”

Ken put a few strands behind Tomo’s ear. “They should be fine. There are others with pierced ears who wear much flashier things. Speaking of which, I’ll buy you a pair before work today, Tomo-chan.”

“Sorry, Ken. I don’t have time.” He let go of the older boy. “I’m really going now. Don’t skip class just because you got scouted for a school.”

Ken shrugged with a sheepish grin.

Tomo turned with a shake of his head, leaving the room. He bowed to the teacher who was returning and then turned away from her to get to his class. He could hear how she sighed when Ken, too, left the room and passed by her to go two floors up to 3-A.

***

“Seki-chan, you’re back!” Sakuraba smiled when Tomo walked past his desk. “Thought you would. You never miss Handa-sensei’s classes. Feeling better now?”

“Mmhmm,” Tomo said and walked to his seat, avoiding meeting the gaze of anyone by staring into the floor.

***

After his classes Tomo had to head to the teachers’ office, and standing in front of the teacher who had made him cut his hair made him nauseous.

“Sensei, you asked me to come, but I need to go. I have my part-time…”

“Seki-kun, you can’t come to school looking like that.”

“Yamamoto-sensei,” Handa said as he walked into the teacher’s office and saw Tomo stand with his head bowed in front of Yamamoto. “Is there a problem?”

“Handa-sensei, you need to teach your students to be respectable. I know you recently became a teacher, but Seki-kun’s behaviour is unacceptable.”

Tomo had one question: What ‘behaviour’?

“Sensei, he didn’t grow his hair to break a rule. It’s clear he pierced his ears before high school. Many students have pierced ears, and the school allows students to wear simple accessories, which Momoi is wearing. There is a girl in your class that wears accessories I personally wouldn’t call simple. She has never been in trouble for it. Wasn’t forcing Momoi to cut his hair something that to consider unrespectable? Aren’t you a respectable educator that represents the school just as much as Momoi is a student? I also wish to remind you that Momoi has a job. It requires him to leave as soon as the last period ends on his workdays, and if you have any issues, come to me so I can arrange so he has time. It will leave a poor impression of our school if he continues to be late, will it not? We’re known for encouraging getting work experience as a student of our school, and Fujita-san contacted our school to work with us and our students.”

Handa looked at the older teacher the same way he did when someone was disturbing class. Yamamoto looked like he wanted to say something, but pursed his lips and his jaw tensed as he stared back at Handa. After a while, he turned to Tomo.

“Seki-kun, you can leave.”

“Thank you very much,” Tomo said with a bow and left the room.

As soon as he had closed the door, he heard Yamamoto:

“Why are you here? This isn’t your department. Surely you didn’t come here just to stop me from ensuring a student is not led astray? I’ve been a teacher longer than you have, sensei, and I know when I see a troublemaker. Doesn’t Yamada from 3-A also work at the same place? If Seki associates with troublemakers when he is one, he will get worse. Are you trying to tarnish the school’s name, sensei? — I will call Seki’s parents. His behaviour has to stop before it gets any worse. He is, clearly, trying to be different and cause trouble for the school.”

Once Tomo could move his legs to flee, he nervously fingered his sleeve while trying not to run.

***

“Momoi!” Kouta cried out the moment he saw Tomo. “What happened to your hair?”

He looked nervously away while anxiously moving his fingers. “It… I… It was time to cut it, tenchou-chan.”

“I don’t believe that at all, Momoi. Are you being bullied?” Kouta replied quietly.

“No. School regulations,” Tomo muttered.

Kouta let out an annoyed groan. “There really is a school that requires their male students to keep their hair short? In this day and age?” He sighed before he continued. “Then there’s nothing I can do. You can wait back here. Fuji-chan isn’t here this afternoon, so I don’t have anyone that could style your hair right now.” He let out another sigh. “Why do I have to call a school to complain about this?” he mumbled in expiration.

“It’s fine. I don’t want to cause more trouble.”

Kouta studied Tomo. “So there’s more?”

Tomo looked down and nervously pulled his sleeve down, regretting his words. ”Ah, um... my piercings.” He nearly whispered.

“How is your school one of the most respectable in the area?” the man sighed as he held his face in discontent. “You’re getting in trouble more in a month than Kenta in his previous two years at the school. Oh, no, Tomoki!” He saw Tomo was on the verge of tears. “You’re not causing trouble, you’re the victim in this. Tell me your homeroom teacher’s name so I can discuss it with him.”

“Handa-sensei said nothing about it. It was Yamamoto-sensei.”

Kouta put his hands on Tomo’s shoulders. He had switched from Tomo’s employer to Ken’s older brother. “You must be very sad and hurt. If you need a good cry before you get ready to go out on the floor, I’ll be in my office for a while.”

Tomo bit his lip as he hated how perceptive Kouta was. Or perhaps he had known Tomo for too long. He felt a gentle pat.

“Come with me.”

Tomo followed him with his eyes fixed on the floor, feeling ashamed while knowing other part-time employees saw him.

Kouta unlocked the door and let Tomo in. He saw a man in an apron and messy brown hair sleep on the sofa. Kouta shook the man awake.

“Mimi-kun. I need to be alone in the office. Go work for once.”

Mimi sat up and saw Tomo. He looked to Kouta and was about to say something, but Kouta stopped him.

“Get out. I’ll explain later.”

The man left the room without saying a word and Kouta sat Tomo down on the sofa before he took his schoolbag from him.

“Go ahead, Tomoki. You can cry now.”

It was as if Kouta had made the dam burst and tears started streaming with the pain he had been holding in.

He cried because of his cut hair. He cried because he was trying to be the son he was supposed to be. He cried because he didn’t feel allowed to be himself. He cried because he shouldn’t enjoy the things he enjoyed.

He’d only cry this once about these. Then he’d continue to be an average ‘boy’.

“Everything will be all right,” Kouta comforted him, holding his arm around Tomo’s shoulders.

***

Waking up on the sofa, apparently falling asleep from crying, he felt his eye was a little uncomfortable. He sat up and noticed he had a blanket covering him and someone had placed a mirror on the coffee table.

He looked in the mirror and saw that his right eye was blue. Not only had his contacts slipped out of place, but he had somehow lost one. Glad there was a separate toilet for the manager, he washed his hands and face before he returned to the sofa and removed the contact. He opened his bag to take out his glasses.

But then he hesitated.

They were pink. He had brought the pink pair just in case because he hadn’t remembered where he placed his other pair.

Even at the café he couldn’t wear his pink framed glasses. He shouldn’t. There was a limit to how different he could be.

He tried to tell himself everyone there was different, but it didn’t help. Only he didn’t fit in. It was obvious.

He didn’t see well without his glasses or contacts. Besides, without his contacts people could see his bright blue eyes. He felt the anxiety build up inside of him and left his glasses in the bag, anxiously rubbed his fingers against each other.

He felt like he might throw up. His heart was trying to beat itself out of his body. He had a lump in his throat. His chest was hurting. Maybe he’d choke before he threw up.

He needed to make himself like everyone else and fit in instead of being different, and he knew it.

Suddenly he heard the lock being turned and terrified he looked at the door. His thoughts started racing.

Who had the keys to the manager’s office? Kouta was obvious, but was there anyone else? He couldn’t show his eyes to anyone. He couldn’t stand out. Not more than he already did. So who could it be? Fujiki wasn’t there. Maybe it was Mimi? Or Tanaka? Both options seemed horrible.

He felt his stomach turning.

The door opened, and Tomo quickly turned his head away from the door.

“Tomo-chan, you’re awake.”

The door closed and relieved Tomo slowly turned around to see Ken, dressed in his uniform, sit down by his side.

Either Ken saw the panic Tomo felt, or he just wanted to comfort him, because he put his arm around Tomo’s shoulders and pulled him closer to himself. He nuzzled Tomo’s hair and took his. Tomo felt how he was calming down little by little from the familiar sensation.

“Niisan called Shouji-nii. He’s a few hours away, so niisan will drive you home. Shouji-nii said he’d call your mother,” Ken said. “Like that is much help,” he muttered, annoyed. He then changed his tone. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you when you needed to cry, Tomo-chan. I should have been the one by your side.”

“It’s fine, Ken. I didn’t want to cry.” He smiled weakly towards Ken. “It’s just hair. Kouta made such a big deal out of it...” His voice trailed off as he felt a lump in his throat and tears threatening to fill his eyes again.

“It is a big deal. It wasn’t just your hair, Tomo. You know that’s not it. That must have been like getting part of your soul ripped out of you.”

He was right. It had been the thing Tomo had allowed himself, thinking he would still fit in with longer hair. It felt like it was the last thing that had been ‘Tomoki’ in his appearance.

He shuffled a bit and hugged Ken tightly. The boy returned it in a gentle, comforting way that only he could do.

He tried to be like everyone else, but they called him a troublemaker. He wanted to be himself, but no one could accept him. He wasn’t the boy everyone else seemed to see. He wondered what he could do instead, because nothing worked the way he intended.

“You know, Tomo-chan,” Ken said, disturbing Tomo’s thoughts. “This will probably be strange to say. I mean, we don’t really talk about it that much.” Ken paused. “Or at all,” he then added, falling into silence again. “I know you don’t feel like a boy. But you definitely aren’t a girl. Tomo is Tomo. It’s always been like that. I’ve never seen you any differently. You know that.” He rubbed Tomo’s back until he looked up at him. “I’ve been searching on the internet a little. Or researching a lot, actually. There is a gender identity called being ‘nonbinary’. That’s when you don’t feel like either a man or a woman.” There was an unsaid question in there. Tomo hugged Ken again, hiding his face in the boy’s chest.

“Yeah.”

“Tomo-chan, don’t start crying now. I don’t know if I need tears on my uniform.”

“Sorry.” He looked back up at Ken, with tears in his eyes.

Ken smiled and put his forehead against Tomo’s.

“Tomo-chan has always been a crybaby, so I’ll just have to hit on the girls with Tomo’s tears on my chest.” His voice got quieter. “I bet they’d hate me if they knew I made Momo-san cry.”

Tomo chuckled, unable not to smile. “Shouldn’t they get jealous I got Ken’s chest to cry on?”

***

“Sorry about today,” he told Kouta.

“Don’t be. My employees are my most valuable asset. It is more or less a concept café and should be a safe space for my employees to be themselves. If you have everything taken away from you I want to be there to give you something so you at least carry hope, even if that place is just a place to let out your tears. That doesn’t just go for you, but also Fuji-chan, Tanaka-chan, Mimi-kun, Kenta, Aki-chan, Saitou-kun, Tachibana-kun and all the others who work there.” The thirty-two-year-old smiled while looking at the road. “If I started listing all the part-timers, I'd still be listing them on my way back.”

Tomo chuckled. “We’re not that many, tenchou-chan.”

“Maybe not exactly that many. But I do mean it. I want you and everyone else to have a place where they can find hope. Isn’t that what you give the customer’s too? You sit down and talk to them when they ask for you, and those who feel lonely can feel there’s always someone who’ll listen and talk to them.”

“Thank, Kouta.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He turned into the driveway to the Seki-Momoi house. Tomo stepped out, and so did his driver. He still felt bad for Kouta.

“Kouta, you don’t have to go inside.”

“I’ll just say hello to Sawa. I won’t mention anything you don’t want Ichirou-san to know.”

Tomo felt a stab in his chest.

“So Ken told you.”

“I forced it out of him, don’t worry. He wouldn’t willingly tell me anything.”

Tomo watched as the young man walked up to the door and wondered how on earth Kouta had ‘forced it out of’ Ken.

Kouta looked back and Tomo hurried up to him. He took off his glasses and put them in his bag. He couldn’t make out the face Kouta made in the dim light, but he knew it was a pained one. A face of someone who knew how much Tomo hurt inside. He felt Kouta’s hand pat his head and then he opened the door.

***

“Tomoki.”

Tomo looked up from the food he was eating. His mother was making that face again. A complicated expression that Tomo couldn’t entirely understand. Especially not when it was Sawa, of all people. It just wasn’t like her.

Chika was studying in her room, and Seki had gone to get more tea from the convenience store.

“Why are you so afraid to let Ichi see the real you?”

It was that question again. The one he couldn’t answer. The one he didn’t want to answer.

He smiled. “I’m not hiding anything, mum. Seki-san sees the normal me.”

That was the reality. The normal, but not the real.

“You never let him see you in your pyjamas or the pink glasses. You don’t let him into your room. You don’t even say his name unless you talk to him. Tomoki, had it been better if I hadn’t married Ichirou?”

He didn’t want Sawa and Seki to divorce because of him. He didn’t want his mother to do so because he was weird. He didn’t want Seki to do so because he found out Sawa had a weird child. He’d leave the house if he had to, as long as they didn’t divorce. He wouldn’t let Seki know that Tomo wasn’t normal, if it risked Sawa’s marriage. He was sure it did. If they didn’t see him as a ‘boy’, people wouldn’t accept him.

Ken might have found a name for what he was, but it didn’t make him accepted.

He wouldn’t tell anyone. Not when she had found someone who loved her like Seki did.

“As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. I don’t need anything else, mum.”

They heard the front door open, and Seki called out: “I’m home”.

Tomo stood up and hurried to go to his room. He threw a glance at his mother and smiled as brightly as he could before he left the kitchen.

“I promise, mum. That’s all I want.”