1 boy?

OW!

I fall off my bed and hit my head "what a great way to start the day" I say sarcastically I put my hand on the bed and stand to be met with my reflection in the mirror I really should start sleeping in more than boxers now that I'm getting older. I see my chest my very feminine chest and I start to cry I don't know why I cry it's just too there too big (even though it's not) I just wish I had a cis male chest like mostly flat. I just wanna be done with all this. I pick up my shirt off the floor and throw it on then the pants that were sitting right next to it I make sure to hide the boxers well before I leave my room for breakfast. "GOOD MORNING MY LOVE," My mother says too loud "morning Mija" I walk over to the fridge and grab a yogurt "how's your day so far?" I say before I yawn "good I have to get to work through" my mother replies "have a good day Mija" "you to baby" she says before she gathers her things and leaves I head back to my room, I find my laptop to start writing as my phone busses it's a text from my boyfriend, luke. I start to stress has he seen my post about how I feel about... everything. my chest my waist being a girl I know it sounds silly, most girls don't like their body's right? I've just always thought about myself as a boy. I guess girls do that too? then I remember I already told him. how could I forget? I open the message. "good morning baby :)" "good morning mi Amor" I reply "how did you sleep?" he asked "good enough" truth is I haven't been sleeping I've been having really bad chest pains over and over and it reminds me I have a female chest and I start obsessing over it. my teacher bought me a binder I got it two days ago but it's too big and it just makes the chest pains worse. it keeps me up at night. "bailey, don't lie to me" bailey. bailey. my name. now at least. before luke I was Sarah. everyone thought I was a lesbian because I refused to use my name I told everyone my name was Alex and I was a boy they list thought I wanted to be straight. I'm not. I'm gay and I think trans. it's not my fault guys are amazing and girls just remind me I'm a girl. but am I trans? am I really a boy? I don't wanna be trans and gay. nope overthinking again like always. I remember the yogurt I left on my desk and start to eat it. stress eating one of the few things I'm good at. surprised I'm not fat yet. when I finish the yogurt I decide to take a nap. at least when I'm asleep I can't over think.