Me and a… GORILLA!

So like I was adventuring into the wilderness without any equipment for self-protection like a dumba$$ right? I thought I could take down anyone who… STOOD IN MY WAY, since I took down a 4th grader when I was 1 year older than him at that time…

Anyways when I was traveling I stumbled across a big … hairy … GORILLA!!! It seemed a little bit… strange? It kept looking down at my pants for some odd reason.

A second later It ran towards me like a woman filled with sexual desires and started taking off my sweatpants and stroking my penis up and down…

I was like shocked but at the same time, I didn't want it to end since the gorilla really knows how to stroke my penis.

DAMN, IT FELT SO GOOD!!! IT FELT HEAVENLY!!! IT FELT AS IF I AM CHOKING ON 5 SAUSAGES WHILE A MONKEY IS SMIRKING AT ME!!!

So not even a minute later some white gooey water came into the gorilla's mouth. The gorilla swallowed it unhesitatingly little by little until it completely swallowed my gooey water…

After It swallowed my gooey water it… ran away???

I was so confused until I spotted another gorilla looking at me angrily. It started running towards me as if it wanted to suck my 2 ample manly breasts… And so I tried running away but then, I realized I was too cool to run away even though I was breathing erratically…

And so I stopped and showed him my unyielding will and my terrifying aura! But… It was completely UNFAZED by my awesomeness and started throwing at me with some pebbles…

Luckily I managed to persevere with his lightning speed at throwing pebbles. So I dialed 911 and said "Hi umm, I need help!!! I'm getting attacked by a big muscular gorilla for no reason!"

However, once I said that the Operator immediately hung up… I think that dude has some serious problems not believing me because I was SPITTIN FACTS!!

Anyways after he hung up I started sweating profusely because the pain is really starting to become unbearable…

But then I just had a realization… Isn't my jeep literally 2 minutes away? And so I started sprinting with my big THICK thighs with all my strength!

And so I came to my Jeep, I got on my seat, started the car, and drove away for 5 minutes!

But then, I saw a strange thing on my retina… It said…

[ Nice Job! ]

[ You've completed the minimum requirement for the Chad system! ]

[ Title: "Sucked off by a gorilla" acquired! ]

[ Chad system unlocked ]

I stopped the car and gazed at the message with shock...