4 Chapter 4

Xavier's P.O.V.

The ride home was excruciatingly painful. Normally I can tell what Sierra is thinking just by a quick glance at her face, this time she was unreadable. Every time I looked over at her she had a different expression on her face. It kills me knowing that I'm the cause of it all.

I am the stupidest person on earth.

How could I have told her how I felt?

Why did I have to piss her off?

Why did I have to distract her from a huge meet?

But...

How could I have kept it all in though? Sierra is the definition of perfection. She's dedicated to her training and yet she still made time for her studies. Hell she just graduated with full honors all while being internationally ranked in gymnastics. Always made time for her friends and family, she always says "You make time for what really matters". She had the next five years of he life already planned out, and it hurt that I wasn't going to be able to be apart of it.

We pulled onto her street and quickly stopped in front of her house. I was fully expecting her to run out of my truck and into the safety of her house, but she made no move. We sat in silence for close to ten minutes before she finally moved her arm to open the door. Not being able to help myself I reached over and grabbed her free arm. I couldn't just let her walk out, not without some confirmation that she's not just going to write me out of her life. I caught her reflection in the side mirror and seeing the tears in her eyes caused mine to do the same.

She turned to face me and it felt like she was moving in slow motion, she studied my face for a second. I didn't realize that there was words coming out of my mouth until it was too late.

"I'm sorry" Pleading into her eyes. "Can we just forget everything I said and go back to how things were before I ruined everything?"

"I don't know how to forget." Her was soft and smooth. I hated seeing her so fragile, normal she carries her self with such confident energy that you cant help but be drawn to her. The Sierra sitting in front of me was a different one from my best friend. "I really just need to think for a while, a long while." Her words twisted the knife in my heart even deeper.

"Can you promise me one thing?" I asked gazing into her beautiful hazel eyes. "Promise me that you wont forget about me. I know you probably don't want to talk to me for a while, but just remember that I will always be there for you. I don't care when where or why, I'm there"

"I'll text you later". Was all she said before she walked out of my truck and possibly out of my life.

I sat there for a while after she got out just trying to collect my thoughts. Hating myself for what I've done to her. Looking down at my lap I saw wet splotches all over my jeans. My eyes snapped to the mirror and I saw that my eyes had been red and puffy. How did I not notice I was crying? I need to get out of here, I needed to let all of this out. Shoving my keys in my pocket I hoped out and started running. I just ran as her face filled my mind.

She was beyond beautiful.

Her long auburn hair was always slightly messy no matter how she tried to tame it. It was always fun to watch the stray hairs fall out of her ponytail at meets.

She tries to cover her freckles with makeup even though they look exactly like the constellations we stare at. I'd prefer to just stare at them all day even after already memorizing where they sit on her face.

She was incredibly short. It made her adorable, I used to make fun of her for it when were younger until I realized that she never minded her height. It gave her such a big advantage in the gym being able to let her body relax more.

Her body, no words. Gymnastics has kept her in shape and toned. I'll never admit it to anyone but she has beaten me in an arm wrestling match before.

I didn't realize it was dark out now, stopping I looked around to figure where I am. Sill being decently close to Sierra's house I made my way back. As soon as I got in I headed for home. I also needed to think things through and figure out how I can keep her in my life.

When I got home I immediately went to my room, ignoring my parents asking me where I've been. Collapsing on my bed I stared at the ceiling. My phone pulled me from my thoughts when I felt it vibrate.

I shot upright.

It was Sierra.

With trembling finger I read her message.

Sierra: I leave in two days. Meet me at the clearing tomorrow night. I'll keep your promise...for now.

I quickly replied to her.

Xavier: I'll see you then.

I let my phone beside me before instantly picking it up again.

Xavier: Is there anything I can do?

I stared at the screen, hoping if I willed it enough she would respond. But she never did, I knew then that I was already loosing her. Sierra and I could always talk about anything, no matter how heavy the topic was. I felt a sob build up in my chest and more tears started leaking out. I let them pour, I let my emotions overcome me. I deserved it for everything I did to her. My precious Sierra, how could I do this to her? How could I do this to us?

Even when I ditched her at homecoming this year for a different girl she still came to the dinner afterwards and split a milkshake with me. She had forgiven me just like that even though she had been pissed off. I don't even remember the girls name but I remember needing to get away from Sierra, she look like a goddess in her dress and I was afraid she would notice me looking at her, I had to get away from her.

The lack of sleep was starting to irritate me and needed to see her. Quickly jumping off my bed I threw on a hoodie and grabbed my car keys. Sliding into my truck and starting the engine and before I knew it I was halfway to her house. The empty roads were quiet and calming to my nerves, I glanced over at the passenger seat, half expecting Sierra to be there. Disappointment flashed through me but disappeared as soon as it came. I parked in front of her house and noticed the patio light was on, Sierra loved being outdoors and when she wasn't training you could normally find her curled up in a hammock with a book.

Quietly I made my way around the dark house and stopped when I saw Sierra. I couldn't help the smirk on my lips when I saw her in her hammock, with a blanket over her lap, book in hand, and completely asleep

Looking down at her I noticed that she was shivering, I mean the temperature drops pretty low at night and she was wearing a tank top. Is she insane?? Shaking her shoulders for a bit before her green eyes finally met mine. Still half asleep she looked around confused.

"Why are you here?" She asked rubbing the sleep out of her eyes like a little kid. God she's adorable. No Xavier, focus!

"I came to talk and found you in your normal spot." A smile spread across my face "If you were trying to hide from me you did a terrible job" She scoffed at me putting her book to the side.

"I just came out here to read for a bit before bed," She paused noticing the sun was no longer visible in the sky "What time is it?" Looking down at my watched my eyes bulged at the time.

"It's 2:30 in the morning" She gasped as a gust of wind came past us making her shiver again. I stated pulling off my hoodie and practically shoved it over her head. Because of our size difference the hoodie was almost laughable on her. It came down just above her knees. She giggled noticing too.

"Its the new from the new Gucci spring line, not available until next month." She said in a posh accent and strutted for a moment. I threw my arm around her shoulder and we fell back into the hammock laughing.

"Oh I didn't realize that you've added modeling to your resume"

"Please, like I'm pretty enough to model" She sighed burying herself in my chest. How could she think that? She was the most gorgeous human being I had ever seen, she is beauty, she is grace, she's also not afraid to punch you in the face. Sierra is one of those people who is just wholesome on the inside and out. Looking down at her I saw her long eyelashes fluttering and I placed a kiss on top of her head. We both stiffened, forgetting the heavy air around us as we were enjoying the feeling of normalcy.

"You've been on magazine covers, you have fans cheering for you at every meet, you are beyond beautiful in every way possible." She instantly pulled away from me and scooted farther away.

"Whoa chill, I'm a girl so just let me feel self conscious every now and then" She paused for a minute. "What are you doing here again?' Her gaze meeting mine, those green orbs were always intense but this time it was different.

"I want to talk to you, mainly apologize." This time I couldn't meet her eyes.

"Do you mind if I talk for a bit" The vulnerability in her voice shook me, I slowly nodded my head encouraging her to go on. "We cant start anything now, it would be impossible. There's just no way it would work" I understand her words more than I wanted to. My own voice was surprising to me.

"What if we just get it all out now? Have a free for all and let out all the emotions that we've pushed aside in the sake of our friendship." Sierra looked as shocked as I felt. " I know you have feelings for me too or you would have already ran inside."

"I have in the past." Her eyes met mine as she continued to speak and I couldn't help but get lost in her eyes. "But I think you're right, we just need to get everything out and then we can move on. You can find a girlfriend in Minnesota and I can keep training distraction free" She always was the planner, yet her words were a surprise to me. I know that she has never had a boyfriend before, was I about to be her first kiss? Oh god, how far did she want to push this tonight.

My time for thinking was cut short when I felt her breath getting warmer and warmer on my face. She smelled like vanilla and berries and it was intoxicating, drawing me in farther to the source. Her face was mere centimeters from mine and the only thing I'm thinking of is the advice from the movie "We Bought A Zoo" where the dad is giving his son advice with a girl.

"All you need is a few seconds of incredible courage" Taking this advice I ran my hand across her cheek, feeling her suck in a gasp of air and releasing it onto my face. God her skin is soft. I continued to trail my hand from her cheek, down her neck, and wound my hands through her hair at the bottom of her neck.

Both of our bodies were frozen, neither one of us wanting to be the reason our friendship ends. Daring to break the silence I had to get answers before ANYTHING happened. "Are you sure about this? We got back to being best friends tomorrow?" Mentally, I was beating myself up for possibly destroying my one chance with the girl of my dreams. Her response it what shocked me.

"I've never been more sure in my life." My heart was ready to explode out of my chest as she said that. I gently pulled her face closer to mine. My lips brushed against hers and we melted into each other. I expected her lips to be cracked and hard because she always bit her lips when she's nervous or thinking or during gymnastics. The surprise was that her lips were incredibly soft, softer than anything I have ever touched. The feeling she gave me was enchanting, I craved more and more. My hands fell to her hips and pulled her closer to me.

Her body responded to mine as her hands worked their way up to my hair and she lightly tugged it sending chills through my body. Her body curved into mine and I snaked my arm around her waist not wanting her to pull away from me. She did pull away, gasping for air. Her eyes were frantic as they searched through mine. Keeping one arm around her waist I brought the other to cup her cheek. My thumb moved against her smooth skin. She was a drug to me and I already needed another hit.

It was Sierra who decided to take control and take things farther.

"I love you Xavier"