Chapter 7: Regrets

Xavier's POV

I wanted to explain everything to my sister. I wanted to but where do I start?

I could talk about how I spent the entire evening eavesdropping on our parents, hoping and praying, she wouldn't become the thing that broke them.

How I heard every conversation and imagined every single thing like their conversation that night.

"How long are you going to give me the silent treatment, Emily?"

Mom ignored him.

The cold shower she took didn't do much to disperse the hotness of the environment, even though the air conditioner was on and the windows closed, the air still reeked from hostility and unspoken harsh words. Dad paced the room while she sat absentmindedly looking at the image of herself in the mirror as she scrubbed her face.

"You can't keep ignoring me"

She stood up from the chair and stared at him right in the eyes "Why…I am doing a fantastic job so far, aren't I?"

"Honey…please"

She turned her back to him and went to the bed. The family portrait on the lamp table stared right back at her, mocking her and daring her to do her worst. I could tell Miracle how she took it and for a moment she considered flinging it but just couldn't and so she went for the next best thing - gently placing it face down.

Dad climbed in next to her, he turned her face so she could face him.

"Sweetheart, you need to talk to me, just…tell me what I can do to help?"

I could tell her the parts I rather not imagine.

Like how her gaze shifted to his lips and her hand cupped his firm cheek, she moved closer to him and her lips gently grazed his. It was so slight that one would consider it more of an unexpected gesture than an actual kiss but her next attempt corrected the mistake.

"What are you doing?" He held her at arm's length and his expression exaggerated

"You said you wanted to help me that I should tell you how to help"

"Yes but I meant…"

"If you want to help me, then have sex with me"

She kissed him and the resistance she met was surprisingly exciting in a dark and twisted kind of way. He groaned and gently pushed her away.

"I am…flattered but I meant to talk…. And sex is great, like really great but what we need to do is talk"

"Like talk about how you let our child walk away and you did nothing to stop her?"

"Yes"

"No… if you want sex, fantastic, I am your girl but anything from that is no, Good night"

"Baby…"

She took a pillow and duvet and left the room. That night she stayed in the guest room.

I could tell her about how it affected our little sister, Beetle.

How Mom showed up to her school drunk as hell and our little sister had to confiscate her car keys and called Dad to come get her.

'Daddy? Can you come to our school?…yes its mom, I think she is drunk…okay, please hurry'

It took him forty-five minutes to get to the school. He was furious and stressed.

How he smiled at Beetle even when he wanted to scream, how his countenance didn't change when he picked mom up and carried her to the car.

"Go back to class, baby" he said

He entered the car and drove off.

'I am so sorry' She apologized after.

I guess she was sorry. She had to be, right?

Should I tell Miracle how Dad looked at her like she was a stranger?

I mean, he is Dad, he thinks she squeezes and coughs sunshine yet in that moment, he looked at her and saw a stranger.

'Did you drive yourself to the school this intoxicated? It is sheer luck that you didn't kill yourself and some other poor soul for your poor decision making'

'I am really sorry… I am just going through a rough patch; I lost my child for Christ sake'

'Yes you did but not the child you are thinking about'

'What are you saying?'

'I am saying you lost Beetle and it is going to be a long time before you win her back… Xavier is worried sick. And I am too busy worrying about you to worry about them'

They drove into the compound and he carried her up to their room straight into the shower. He turned the shower on and allowed the cold water to run freely on her face.

I could tell Miracle how afraid I was…how I thought he was going to abandon her…abandon us and storm out angrily but he surprised me by joining her in the shower with his suit still on.

He scrubbed her face clean from the uneven makeup she tried to apply before leaving the house. He tried to take care of her but she fought him all the way.

'This is entirely your fault' she told him spitefully and he ignored her.

'Raise your hands up, so I can slide your cloth on you'

'You are the reason I am in this mess'

She started hitting him repeatedly on the chest and face, shoveling and pushing him, he did his best to deflate most of the punches but he was not very lucky because Mom was persistent.

God! She was really persistent.

'You need to stop…' he said 'You are making it very difficult for me to help you"

'I don't need your help, Waylen, you have done enough as it is'

'Blaming me for our situation isn't fair to me, I did what was best for everyone' he told her.

I could tell Miracle that Mom's next word was so horrible, I bit down on my lips so hard, I drew blood.

'I should have never let you into our lives…'

'You really need to shut up right now before you say something you will regret, Emily'

'You want to know what I regret. Huh…I regret having met you'