8 Chapter 8

I opened my eyes and I was sitting in an all white room with padded walls. Just like the one they used to put me in foster care. I was sitting on the ground with my legs crossed and in front of me was my baby sister. Small and adorable.

"Hey, Xena." She called her name and I felt something switch in my head.

"Hey, Rhea." Tears started to form in the back of my eyes. "I miss you, bumblebee."

"I miss you too, big sister!" She smiles nice and wide. "Hey, you remember this place, right? This is where you changed."

"Mhm, I remember. It took a lot for me to change." I chuckle as I look at her. "Hard headed."

"Hey, Xena?"

"Yes, Honey?"

"You'll always protect me, right?"

"Yes, of course."

"But what if I don't want you to anymore?" What?

"Why would you not want me to?"

"I don't know... I feel like I can be me without you n-"

Black ink started to seep from the white walls. "Come here." I call her closer to me with my finger. She uncrosses her legs and stands up. Her little legs move as she gets closer and she sits down.

"What?"

I grab and hold her face. "I will stop protecting you when I see it is okay to. We are far from it. I've been protecting you from that night, correct? Why is it a problem now?"

"Because I wanna be meXena. Let me go."

"I am you as you are me." I let go of her face. I am you as you are me.

"Mmmmmm just let me go. Let me be me. I don't need protection anymore. "You should've thought of that before you asked me to 6 years ago." I said.

"No fair, I really needed you then-"

"And you really need me now." The walls were completely covered in black.

I come back to my senses and I wake up on the floor outside of the house. Elizabeth is constantly saying my name and shaking me. I catch my breath and start to think...then I remember what we talked about. My calm breath turns into a panic as I scramble to my feet. I don't even want to look her in the eyes, this is so awkward. She just poured her heart out and the memories came crashing back like a tsunami. I look at her and see the tear lines from when she was crying. Now she's Just scared. I.....I cant think right now. For so long, I thought she just hated me...and how do I know she's not just saying this just to say it and confuse me. Maybe...maybe.

"Hey Elizabeth, I need you to do something for me." My voice was a whisper.

"Yea, anything."

"I need you to go inside and get Zen. After that...don't come back out here."

"Wait, why?" She started asking questions.

"Elizabeth. Go. Please."

She had gotten up and looked at me, still sad but more confused and worried. She went inside and I sat there on the floor with My knees in my chest and I rested my face on them. Love...love. She showed me love by hate...she showed me love by not talking to me and trying to sleep with my boyfriend? Love through pain and hurt. Love through anger...I don't even know if that exists. I don't know anything anymore. Zen came outside and put my own jacket around me then his arms. He pulled me closer and I felt the warmth coming off his body and faced as it pressed against mine. We didn't say anything for a good while, he just let me calm down.

"What's going on, Xena? What happened with you and Elizabeth." He asked.

"I dont wanna talk about it."

"It seemed to affect you heavily."

"It did. I'm confused now."

"Confused about what?"

"I just said I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, Xena. Never mind then."

"What? What's the problem?"

"You're giving me an attitude for no reason."

"I'm not giving you an attitude,what?"

"Okay."

"I'm not."

"I just said okay." His voice deepened. He seemed annoyed with me. What did I do wrong?

"We can head back inside."

"Okay." And so we did. Zen went and put a smile on his face as he went to go drink soda and left me on the couch. I got lost in my own thoughts. I was just filled with hatred and so much anger. Then all that anger spilled and I was filled with uncertainty. I don't know if she really loves me...and I don't know if I loved her at some point. Do I really know Love is? Love isn't fucking every guy you see. But love is continuous attraction while understanding that one person. Love is protecting that person at all costs...wow I...I don't know what love is.

Hours pass until we are all ready to go. I gather up everyone and we head outside to the car. "Give me the keys." I told Zen.

"No, I'm sober."

"But you've been dri-"

"Get in the car." He doesn't wait for me to answer and he opens the door on the drivers side and gets in. I do as I'm told and sit in the passenger seat. He starts the car and we drive off. Malcolm is roofied in the back seat passed out and Alex is sleeping on his shoulder. He drops those two at their houses then drives me home. When we arrive, he stops the car in front of my house and looks at me.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" He says. He was annoyed and concerned.

"Yea I know."

"So how come you don't?"

"I don't know, I'm just not ready."

He breathes in heavily. "Yea...yea. Okay. Alright that's fine. I love you, Xena."

That word. "I love you too Zen." I get out of the car and talk into my house. I checked the time and it was 11 pm. I'm so exhausted. I go and change into tights and a really big sweater. My brain feels like noodles because of how much I was thinking. I go to the kitchen and get something to eat and I look at the calendar. December 20th. Oh jeez I wonder what I'm going to get My friends. I wonder what I'm going to get Zen. I should get myself something as well like those tools I said I wanted. Rope can burn with enough friction so that's a no...I need more chains like the chains we have in the basement. My thoughts are interrupted and rattled by loud banging on the front door. BANG BANG BANG! It shook the whole house each time.

"OPEN THE DOOR XENA!! "The person outside knew me. Their words were a bit slurred and dragged on. I opened the door and he stood over me, tall and huge. He had a lot of body, meaning there was a lot of muscle under his roundish figure. His eyes were droopy and filled with pain and anger. It was Ezekiel. "XenaaaaaaaaaaaaawhEERRRREEE IS SHEEEEEE?!" He was coming into the house! Fuck!

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