7 Chapter 7

Finally! It was Friday, the Friday evening of the Party. Ohhhh I can't wait! I woke up from my nap in the shirt that Zen left by my place. It fit me like a dress, it was halfway down my thighs. I get out of my bed and stretch my arms up and stand on my tippy toes. I looked at the clock and it was 5:30 pm. Ah, enough time to do what I want. I start and finish my workout routine because I just didn't do it this morning, which is 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, 30 pull-ups, then 20 squats. This leaves my body sweaty so I take off my shirt and underwear , exposing my bare chest and skin as I walk from my room to the bathroom to take a shower. I feel the warm water consumes me slowly so I say it there for a bit. When I get out, it's 6:30 pm. The party starts at 8:00 pm. So much time... what to do, what to do.... Oh I should pack my bag for the party.

I grab my spare bookbag where I pack the essentials in case anything goes wrong. my spare hunting Knife, latex gloves, plastic bags along with more sharp objects like a box cutter...oh and a sweater in case I get cold. Today is the day! The plan should go exactly as scheduled when we arrive at the party. Zen is picking me, Alex and Malcolm up for the party. He was coming for me after he picked up the others so around 7:30 pm. I go and pick out black ripped jeans where some of my thigh seeped out and a white crop top hoodie where my belly button and a bit of my stomach was showing. Each sleeve had two black lines so I technically just matched with my hair. Oh shit, my hair! I put it up in a high ponytail but pull down two strands from each side, one white, one black. Now all I have to do is put on my boots when Zen comes and Done! I go in the mirror to admire my outfit but all I see is my skin color and freckles. I'm so fucking Pale, I look like a ghost.

Zen arrives at my house and picks me up. I get in the passenger seat with my jacket on since it's cold and look behind me to see Alex trying to talk to Malcolm, but he is just looking down and shaking his leg a lot.

"Hey you two!" I say as I get in.

"H-hey Xena." Malcolm was still looking down. Nervous.

"Hey Xena, you look cute." Alex says as she gives me a half smile.

"Yes she does." Zen admires me as I sit in the seat and close the door. I watch his eyes as he looks up and down then back at my face.

"Hello, mister."

"Hello, Miss." He was wearing all grey which I find very attractive on boys. "Put on your seatbelt so we can go." I do as he says and we pull off to the party.

Twenty minutes of driving and we arrive at Brandon's house but it was more like a mansion. I mean I know I like in one but jeez, this play was big. On the outside, there were people everywhere with drinks in their hands. I can hear the music from across the street where Zen had parked us. I turn and face Alex and Malcolm.

"Hey guys, can I talk to Zen for a second?" I asked and they didn't give any problems. They got out of the car and walked across the street to the house. I look at Zen in the face. "Baby."

"Yea?" He had a genuine smile on his face. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry I've been so uptight or on edge lately. Its because of the Elizabeth situation. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, I accept your apology. I know how stressed you get. What happened to you guys?"

"I honestly don't know."

" Xena,look at me." He says and I do what I'm told. "You know you can talk to me about anything right?"

"Yea, Honey, I know."

"Good!"

"Also Zen?"

"Yes?"

"Have fun tonight, okay? You can drink because if anything, I can drive us home. Have fun but not too much." I tell him as I lean up and kiss his lips softly. "I love you."

"I love you too." We got out of the car together and started to walk across the street and into the house. As we enter, there are hundreds of people bunched up and dancing to the extremely loud and over the top music playing on large speakers. It smells like weed and it's kind of hot from everything happening. Zen walks in front of me and holds my hand to guide me with him in this huge crowd. After some pushing and squeezing, we made it through to the living room near the stairs leading to the rest of the house where we sat on the open couch.

"Hey I'm going to go get a beer,okay?" Zen said as he tries to shout over the music. We moved away from the speakers but to be honest, I still can't hear shit. The more he moves away and disappears into the crowd, the more uncomfortable and nervous I get. I shake my legs and rub them together as I get antsy. It feels like everyone is staring at me. Are they judging me? Maybe I don't look nice...I thought I did. Everyone was drinking or high and I wasn't so I was the odd one. I don't like this...my heart is starting to race and beat out of my chest. I don't like this at all. Too many people. I need to focus. I need those pills. I go up the stairs awkwardly, looking for Brandon. The second floor wasn't as crowded, just a lot of people standing by doors, including Malcolm. I walk over to him.

"Hey, can you do me a favor?" I ask him as I take a small ziplock bag out of my bookbag,"can you go into Brandon's room and steal some of those pills for me? I don't need much, just a handful."

"Hmmmm." He looked at me as he drank from his cup.

"What?"

"What do you want to do with them?"

I'm so glad I thought of this before hand. "Oh, Zen and I were gonna...head to my place after the party and... try some things..." I look at him awkwardly. "Can you just go get them?" He takes the bag and walks down the hall, into Brandon's room. After about a minute, he comes out with the bag and hands it to me.

"Two per person MAX. Please be safe, Xena." He says as he continues to drink from his cup.

"I will. Oh have you seen Elizabeth?"

"Downstairs probably drinking."

"Thanks." And that's where I head. Downstairs and look around until I see her in the far corner. She was talking to some boys and girls until she put her drink down on a table and walked somewhere else. Okay, I have to do this cleanly. No one can be suspicious. I take two pills and hold them in my hands before I put the rest away in my bag. I then walk over to her cup with my hands behind my back. I pretend to talk to her group while standing in front of and close to her cup. While talking to them, I slowly open my hand to let the pills roll into Elizabeth's drink. Okay, Phase 3 of the plan was done. Now all I had to do was wait. I walk away from her group and back onto the couch with Zen.

"Oh where did you go?" He asked as he put his arm around me.

"Went to go talk to Malcolm."

Twenty minutes had gone by and the music somehow got louder. Elizabeth was stumbling around, yet so happy. She found herself at the screen door, leading to outside. She walks out and to the right is the pool which is out of sight from anyone inside.

"I'm gonna go get some fresh air." I tell Zen as I kiss him on the cheek and I exit through the back door to follow her. When I turn the corner, I see her sitting down By the pool. Before approaching her, I put my hunting knife in my pocket. I sit down right next to her.

"Oh...hey Xena." She looks at me. She was clearly out of it. Her body kept swaying back and forth and her eyes were barely open yet she was smiling.

"Hey Elizabeth."

"Is everything okay?" She asked as if she wasn't flirting with my boyfriend.

"No, it's not. You keep flirting with my boyfriend after I told you to stop and sent very clear signs. So I'm here to send one tonight. One final message."

"Oh...I'm sorry."

"No you aren't, Elizabeth. I get it that you hate me, but now you are starting to mess with someone I love and I refuse to be like my mom. I'm not going to sit around and see what happens like she did, I'm going to protect Zen and remove who I think should be removed from his life to be happy."

"You really love him,huh?"

"Now you fucking get it when you're high and drunk, right?" What the fuck?

Silence had moved through us briefly as she looked down at her thumbs. "Do you remember 9th grade?"

"Yea...yea I do." Why is she talking about this?

"We used to be best friends. We wore matching bracelets and would stay up so many hours talking through our problems. You were the person I trusted the most. Everyday we hung out after school and made jokes about each other and our crushes...that summer, I slept over at your house for the two months."

"I remember perfectly fine."

"We would stay up late and talk about just whatever we wanted... then one night, I just wasn't in a good mood and you could tell. Of course you could, you were my best friend. You asked what's wrong as you made me lay down next to you and listened. I said it was nothing but you kept on persisting...I felt safe with you, so I told you my secret. I told you when I was younger that my dad raped me three times before my mom took custody of me." Wind blew between the trees and the music coming from the house began to fade. "He wasn't an alcoholic or a drug addict, just a very upset and sick man. And when I told you this, you held me in your arms, remember? You told me everything was going to be okay. You said 'Dads are shit people. My father was a drunk that used to beat my mom half to death...' and when you said that, it seemed like it was the first time you acknowledged it for a while. Like you pushed it so far back in your head and moved forward with your life. And I always admired your strength because I was never able to do that for myself." Her voice started breaking. "I told you about how The scenes just replay over and over in my head and I felt filthy and wanted to leave my own skin."

"...Elizabeth I-"

"Wait,Listen. You told me that I was beautiful and I deserved so much more love than what was given to me when I was younger. You made me so happy when you said that, I felt safe in your bed, in your arms, in your presence. You wiped the tears off my face as you started to play with my hair and you kept saying everything was going to be okay,leaving me to lay in your chest. You also told me another secret that night. Your real name is Riley. I thought it was a beautiful name for a beautiful person. 'I love that name.' I said as I looked you deep in the eyes and got lost in how blue and pretty they were..." She was definitely sober now. She's remembering everything. "I kissed your lips softly. You didn't reject me, just smiled and nodded your head. I kissed your mouth again and kept kissing you. We took off our clothes slowly and felt on each other's breasts as we rubbed against each other. Heavy breathing and eye contact was followed by our somewhat sweaty bodies grinding against each other. When we were done, we intertwined and held each other's naked body with our hands on each other. We were so young. We still are so young but that night something clicked for me. We never did it again, even though we both enjoyed it. We never did it again but it was something I could never forget. We never did it again but I always wanted to. You made my heart race when I was around you, all I wanted to do was be with you... we never talked about it again. I think we pretended it didn't happen so we didn't have to address our feelings.

In the middle of 10th grade, I noticed how much you liked Zen. How much you hung around him I noticed the way you looked at him, like he was magical and so special. You never looked at me that way. You only saw him after a while. I got so jealous! I wanted to be Zen, I wanted you to want me, I wanted you to look at me that way, I wanted you to myself. But you didn't feel the same. You made new friends and in a way, forgot about me. I started to resent you, I thought you were my person. So I just have sex to somehow get your attention and see that I'm not really like this! You know me! I wanted you to come back to me! I made myself into a new person when I saw what was happening. A very bitter and mean person. I sleep with dudes to replicate the feeling I had that night with you but nothing ever Fucking worked and every time I saw you in the hallway, we never spoke. We drifted apart and separated. It was just so much easier to be the Villain for me then to...talk to you I guess. It was undemanding for me to make you dislike me as much as you do now because at least now, I'm getting your attention. It was just easier for me to say I hate you...instead of saying that I love you." She looked at me. Streams of tears were coming down her face. "I'm in love with you, Riley."

"No." These feelings are fake,right? They have to be. She's nothing more but a slut now, she's been showing me that. "You just want to fuck my boyfriend."

"I don't Fucking want him, I only say those things to get your attention like I said. I love you."

"No you Fucking don't, you don't get to say that!" I stand up and look at her. "You don't know what love is!"

"I do and I know that I love you, Riley."

Arrrgh Stop!" It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts! I am Xena, not Riley! I know what love is, I know who I love, I know what I love and I know how to love. What Elizabeth wants is not love, it's lust. Her body is tainted and impure, she is a slut, nothing more...right? Agony and confusion fills my head as I get dizzy and the static fills my head and eyes. I can't see, I can't think, I do not love you, I do not love you, I can't love you, I'm in love with Zen....yea. I black out for a while.

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