17 Chapter 17

It's been a couple weeks since my first therapy session. Lately it's just been a lot about school and stress and how I manage it. It's actually gotten pretty okay I guess??? The conversations haven't been as heavy and way more calm. So I go about my business as usual on a Wednesday. I'm sitting in class with Malcolm. The day feels unusually slow and stagnated. The atmosphere is heavy as well as my eyelids as they keep falling and I have to force them back open. I just keep staring at the clock tick and tick and tick, hoping class would end soon even though it just started. Minutes pass and I can't even concentrate anymore. I ask to leave and go to the bathroom. I walk the halls along the wall slowly. I had no intention to actually go to the bathroom, I just needed to stretch my legs and to just focus on something else other than Math Class.

I walk by the girls bathroom until someone opens the door suddenly and YOINKS me inside. They shut the door pretty quick behind me. They turned so we were face to face. It was Elizabeth. My heart starts to race as we lock eyes and match Aura.

What, Elizabeth? "H-Hey, Elizabeth." My voice was shaky. Why did I say that? I didn't want to, I coulda swor-

"Hi, Riley." She was smiling ridiculously hard. God, she's super fucking cute. "I haven't talked to you since you texted me, how are you??"

"Hi Elizabeth. I'm okay." I can feel my body getting warm around her.

"Are you sure??"

"Yea.." I start to look down. Looking her in the eyes starts to make me nervous so I play with my fingers behind my back.

"So have you thought about my Question? I really really wanna date you." She says.

I come back to the spotlight. "I have a boyfriend...why would I date you??"

"Because you like me too."

"No I dont."

"Yes,you do. I can see it in your eyes."

"You see nothing. Stop looking."

"You just shifted."

"What no I di-" Fuzzy fuzzy. Staticky and bushy. Moving places, moving places. Shifting and pushing. Fighting and Tumbling . Moving places.....moving places. "Sorry, I'm okay now. I really really like you Elizabeth." I say.

"I like you too." She started to smile again!

"You make my heart race and my hands shake. You have since 9th grade when we had sex."

"Woah...this is the first time you are talking about it with me..."

"I really really enjoyed that night and especially the way you made me feel. I felt pleasure and happiness mix with safety and security. It was all I ever wanted. You are all that I ever want...."

"I only want you too! That night opened my eyes to that. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She was so excited and cute.

"But I can't date you. Not right now. Not yet. I got some things to work out...." I lean in and kiss her lips softly. What the actual fuck do you think you're doing? "I love you, Elizabeth. Remember and hold on to that. We gotta wait, okay?"

Her eyes lit up as I pulled away from her soft lips, "Okay. I'll wait for you. I'll wait as long as you need me to."

"We'll be happy. I promise." I lightly slap up her face in a playful way and leave the bathroom in a hurry. I don't want to leave her but I don't want to skip class either!

Fuzzy fuzzy, Staticky and bushy. Moving places, moving places. Shifting and pushing. Fighting and tumbling. Moving places...Moving places.

ARRGGHHHHHHHHHAHHHHH FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?!! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHAT IS ZEN GOING TO THINK WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ZEN HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME WHY WHY WHY MY LIPS FEEL AS IF THEY ARE ON FIRE FUCK FUCK FUCK STOP ARGGHHHHHHH!!!!

I get to class and I'm completely dazed. I'm lost and confused. My head is light and I feel like toppling over. I don't know if I should throw up but I can't go back to the bathroom. Not after what just happened.

As I'm about to leave for the day, Zen runs up to me.

"What's going on with you, Xena?" He says. He seemed very very upset with me."you haven't talked to me and have been avoiding me for a week straight. What the fuck?"

"What? No I haven't."

"You haven't texted me at all. You've been skipping lunch. You don't even tell me what's going on. How am I supposed to help and be there for you as your BOYFRIEND if you don't even talk to me?????"

"Zen I just don't want to talk about it."

"Is it something I did?? What did I do wrong?"

"No, baby you di-"

"No, don't call me that. Because you say no now but it's not like you're going to explain. You never do. You haven't been the same since that party in December." I looked at him and stayed silent. I don't know what to say..."...I'll see you later, Xena." He turns and runs to the gym for Volleyball practice.

"Wait but I love you..." is what I wanted to say. I loved him.... I did... I did.

When I got home I went to the basement and sat on the steps. "Hey, Ezekiel."

"What do you want now?" He was rightfully irritated.

"...wh-umm..what....what is Love to you?" I asked him. I was kind of nervous.

"Why the fuck would I tell you?"

"I don't need the attitude. Answer the question."

"No."

"Answer." He doesn't do anything but look at me. I got up slowly and picked up the red wrench and without hesitation, I pounded and dismantled and absolutely destroyed his other shin as I listened to him wail in pain and cry for me to stop. I don't care. "I've had a very hard day today. I suggest you don't test me. What is love to you?"

"Love....is..." His tears continued to run. "Love is compromise and understanding between two people while also...wanting that person completely in every way possible...you never stop thinking about them.

You never stop thinking about them.

You never stop thinking about them.

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