16 Chapter 16

"Are you okay, Xena?" Dr. Love asked me.

"Yea, I'm just... remembering some things." I say in response.

"Let's talk about the present then. Why did you put dead squirrels in this girl's locker then proceeded to vandalize it??"

"Because she was constantly messing with my boyfriend."

"That isn't reasonable thinking, Xena."

"Pretty reasonable to me. I wanted to show that I'm not playing around with her. And if she did anything stupid next then..." I have to stop and think.

"Then what??"

"Then I'll do something to make sure she never does it again."

"Do you know why she was flirting with your boyfriend?"

Yes. She was trying to say that she loves me. "No, I don't." Let me speak. No. Cmon, let me speak!

"I want to talk to her. Can you leave her number?"

"Um yea it's-" I take out my phone and check it for her number when Elizabeth's messages pop up saying:

"Hey, I didn't expect you to text me. I've just been sick a couple days so I haven't been coming to school. Sorry if I worried you? I don't know if I did or not. I'm glad you texted me, it put a huge smile on my face even though I'm coughing my lungs out. Thanks, Riley." The fuzz came back. Oh good. She's safe and sound. I wish I couldcan take care of her though. She probably looks so cute under all those blankets and sleeping. I can't help myself from smiling so wide and-give her thethen number. Right. I give the Doctor her number and in between the silence and text Zen saying that I love him.

My session basically ends and I leave and drive myself back home, still pondering and thinking. Why the fuck did I just open up to her? Why can't I just focus on Zen and be okay??? What the hell has been going on with me recently? I just want to be okay with Zen. I want to be okay for Zen, ARGGH!!! FUCK!

I get home and still see that black Jeep. Black Jeep...Ezekiel. That's how he got here! Why didn't I search his pockets when I locked him up? I went downstairsgo downstairs to my basement and there he was as usual. He'sHes not going anywhere, of course. He was starting to lose weight. He woke up dazed.

"Give me your car keys." I say as I stand in front of him.

"What??" His eyes lit up in panic. "What are you talking about?"

"Your car keys. It's your Jeep parked outside. Give me. Your car keys."

He looks away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ezekiel, you have three seconds to tell me where your car keys are.

One.

Two," I swing my leg up high in the air above my head and make the heel of my boot come crashing down on his sheen. "Three."

"FUCK!" He starts to wail and scream in agony.

"Keys, Ezekiel." I swing my leg up again and crash down on the same shin. I do it over and over until I hear cracking and his entire shin starts to turn purple. There were large lumps around it and it started to swell. "Where?"

"MY LEFT POCKET. ITS MY LEFT POCKET, FUCK JUST STOP!" Tears fell from his eyes.

"I've had a long day Ezekiel. Please do not test me." I reach down and go into his left pocket to pull out his car keys. I left him there to go search the car. When I get to it and actually open it, it kinda smells like a new car. I open his glove compartment to find his ID. I open it to see a Veterans ID with Ezekiel's name on it. Ohhhh, he was in the army. He fights so sloppy when drunk though. I searched the car but I couldn't find anything but $150 in cash. I'm gonna just take that. He won't need it. Time to check the trunk. I opened it up and there was a black briefcase inside with a spare tire. I opened the briefcase and an all black handgun was inside. Next to it was a silencer and ammo. Hmmm...why did he have this? It looks brand new and unused. I lock the car and return to him.

"I guess you never really leave the war, huh?" I antagonize him. "Why do you have this?" I wave the gun around.

"Protection." His tears are still flowing. "And after you fired me, I thought Lisa didn't want me anymore...I was going to kill myself. I feel like I should've now. I wouldn't be stuck here with you."

"BUT YOU ARE. You aren't going anywhere. I want to know something though."

"What?"

"What is your deal with my Aunt?" Silence passes and he looked away. "Ezekielllllll. Do not test me. I will break your other shin. But this time, I'll use that red wrench thst you can see in the corner. Why are you so stuck on my Aunt?"

"...I was her Mistress. She was cheating on her husband with me before she got sick. At first, it was honestly just for fun but I slowly started to grow to..love her I guess, and she fell in love with me too. I started to love her smile and the way she walked and talked and would whisper in my ear. She was attractive and everything I wanted....but she got sick and her husband left her. I stayed and took care of her as her mind got worse and deteriorated. Her love for me started to fade because of it."

"Hm. Sucks to suck, Ezekiel."

"You don't have to be a dick."

"I'll bring you some water tomorrow. Or you can get up and get it yourself, OH WAIT." I point the gun straight at his head so he looks down the barrel of the silencer I put on it. "You can't." I walk upstairs to my room. I don't even feel like sleeping in clothes. I strip naked and lay down. The static and fuzz comes back as a hum in my mind.

I'm getting tired of this. I'm getting tired of you. So let me go. You don't have to protect me. That was 6 years ago. No, I still do. I still have to protect you. I'm protecting us. You're protecting yourself. You were the one who killed dad. It was you, not me. I asked you to protect me ONCE. You took it too far.

I close my eyes. The darkness takes me to the full white room filled with padded walls. The room looks exactly like a timeoutlike timeout from the orphanage. Across from me is Rhea sitting cross cross.

Let me speak, she said.

No. I reply

Fuck off, Xena! I'm so tired of this shit, just let me go!

I'M DOING THIS FOR US.

BULLSHIT, YOURE DOING THIS FOR YOURSELF. Her image shifted and morphed. Soon, she was no longer Rhea...she was me. She was me with a head full of snow white hair. Her eyes made her freckles pop. Four years you have kept me here. Four fucking years.

AND I WILL GLADLY KEEP YOU HERE FOR ANOTHER FOUR YEARS. THE ONLY REASON WE ARE SO FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW IS BECAUSE I LET YOU HAVE A BIT OF FUCKING CONTROL TWO YEARS AGO WITH ELIZABETH. YOU SHOWED EMOTION. YOU SHOWED ATTACHMENT TO HER. YOU SHOWED VULNERABILITY. YOU ARE THE REASON WHY WE ARE IN SUCH DEEP SHIT, RILEY!!! SO NO. I CAN'T LET YOU GO. STOP ASKING. MY ANSWER WILL ALWAYS BE NO. I'M IN THE LIGHT, ME. XENA. FUCKING ME. I LOVE ZEN. Let me love him...let me love him...let me love him...let me love him let me love him love him love love love love love love him let me let me love. Let me love.

No. I deserve a chance at love too. I won't stop fighting you, Xena. Never. Not until I'm me.

Later, Riley. Stop interfering.

Let me love him.

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