15 Chapter 15

Ugh. It was Wednesday., I'm starting to dread Wednesdays no. It used to have a good feeling to it, it was the middle of the week. That good and happy feeling has been replaced with annoyance. This whole situation is trivial and stupid...oh shit, the black Jeep. Fuck, I never got to search it. I've been so distracted by the thoughts of this forced therapy that I have just been going home and going to sleep. I didn't text Zen much...I didn't text Elizabeth either. She hasn't been to school since we came back from break which was Monday. Maybe I should text her...yea. I'm going to, I think.

The end of the day comes and I meet Zen outside. "Hey, is everything okay? Do you still need space?" He asked.

"I don't know, I'm just trying to figure some things out so maybe it's better if I do still have this space. I'll text you if anything."

He exhales through his nose heavily and closes his eyes before looking at me again. "Okay." His face became straight and his eyes were a little sad.

"What?"

"Concerned. I'm doing what you told me to so I guess we just wait to see how it turns out."

"I'm okay."

"If you were then you wouldn't want space." I didn't say anything to that one. He was right. "Okay, see you later. I have Volleyball practice." He starts to walk away but I stop him and I tiptoe to kiss his lips. As I pull away, his eyes still seem sad and lonely. "Later, Xena."

"Yea...later, Zen." I walk away. I hop in my car and drive to the address I was driven. Fuck, Zen I'm sorry. I don't think I've been the best to you. My mind has been scattered lately, I have no idea why. It feels weird to not being giving you all my time. I'm just torn in two. I arrive at my destination shortly after my thoughts start to clutter together and make me sad. The building was ginormous. It covered the sun and casted a shadow over half of the block. I walk inside to the front desk where a man is typing away on his computer.

"Hi, I'm here to see Ms. Love." I say. That's the name written on the paper anyway. "Do you know how I can get to her?"

"Sure. Take the Elevator to the 47th floor and walk all the way down the hall. It will be your last door on the right." He replied before looking down at his computer again. Jeez 47 floors???

When the Elevator doors opened after finally reaching the floor, I noticed the halls were long and dark. The floor was black and red marble and the walls followed. When I get off the elevator, I start to look around. This place, or at least this floor, doesn't have a camera. Not one. That's pretty dumb, no? It's a pretty big building. I haven't seen any security. It's been quiet since the moment I got here. I walk to the end of the hall and open the door on my right. I walk inside and I see a woman with short brown hair and pale skin sitting at her desk, which was in front of a large window. The window took up the entire wall and was divided into 3. The walls were covered in soundproof foam and the floor was covered with a thick black rug. She looked up as soon as I entered.

"Oh hello! You can sit." She says to me. She was perky and energetic.

"Oh. Okay." I sit on the black leather couch that is pushed against the wall and take out my phone to text Elizabeth 'Hey, this is Xena. Are you okay?' Then quickly put it away.

I'm sure she's okay...I hope she's okay. What am I even saying? She looks up from her computer.

"Okay. Hi!" She seemed so excited as her eyes stared at me intensely. "Wow, you're beautiful."

"A-ah. Thank you." I look down. People usually don't give me compliments.

"I wish I looked as beautiful and as put-together as you when I was in highschool. I was a mess. Okay what's your name?"

"Xena."

"Xena. Like the Warrior Princess??"

"Yea which gives people two ways to say my name. Zen-ah and Zee-nah."

"Ohhhh well nice to meet you Xena. I'm Dr. Love. Your principal got into contact with me and he said that he wants me to talk some stuff out with you. "

"It was either this or suspension. " I say with the least amount of enthusiasm I can muster up.

"Well regardless of your reasoning, I'm glad you're here. So let's get started. Can you tell me about your past??"

"Um... I don't know. I don't really know if I want to share those things. I haven't talked about it in a while." My heart starts to jump.

"It's okay, take your time."

"Okay well... My father was a drunk and a drug addict. He would beat my mom a lot at night when he would come home. I would see bruises and yellowing around her cheeks but she still always smiled through everything. She would pick me and my sister up from school and make us dinner when she could and give us her free time. She was so stressed and so overloaded. I would ask her to play with my sister and I when we were home, sometimes she would smack me across the face and beat me down to release her pent up anger out onto me...she was struggling so much and this was the only way I could help her. My mom was a saint. An Angel, really. She loved and cared for me so much. She just gets frustrated sometimes is all." Our mother was amazing. I can feel the tears start to build up.

"Xena...that sounds like abuse."

"Mm-mm. She didn't mean to, she loved us."

"Mothers don't beat their Kids."

"Is your job to judge or evaluate me?"

"Continue."

"Then on my final night with them, my father came home drunk and high out of his mind. He was blinded by rage and hallucinations. Things escalated after he broke his beer bottle. He dropped my mom to the kitchen floor and...he stabbed her. He stabbed her 3 times. At the time my little sister, Rhea, was coming out of the living room. He saw her and murdered her as well....then I saw him kill himself. There was blood everywhere, I didn't know what to do. I didn't move, I didn't blink, I just watched their bodies drain and get cold. It was horrifying." There is a lie there and you know it, Xena. No, I don't. That's what happened.

"That's when I entered the Orphanage."

"Wow um...you've been through a lot. And you are so young. So young. I'm sorry Xena." She started to apologize to me. I'm sorry too. I was the one who was stuck with the permanent images stuck in my mind every night. No one has that burden but me. My father gave that to me. I have him with all my soul, I wish he would burn in Hell. I wish him agony and suffering just like he caused me but 10x over. Agony and suffering. Agony and suffering.

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