CHPT 290: Experience, a Key Factor in Transformation.....

Claude continued walking through the snow riddled sanded lands, moving with the instinct driven directional knowledge and boosted memory he'd gained through a means of, Lunar Evolution. As his System screen put it.

To be honest. It was hard to simply give in and move at first. He wanted to know the land. Accurately remember and retrace his steps to get back to Ursula as quickly as possible.

But now, as he walked, feeling the grains of sand and snow flakes that melted beneath his feet, all he could do was let his body direct him back to his friend. His mind was elsewhere. A place Arne asked him to go at the tail-end of their very informative conversation.

A conversation consisting of the twin Shape-Shifter gods, and eventually leading to Monsters. Claude's view on them to be exact. His view on the word...and what he saw now when it came to mind. Arne wanted to know what about it changed....changed so violently to the point that he found himself ripping apart a team of Night Runners.

To be frank. He wasn't entirely sure at the moment.

"[Claude....]"

"Still thinking." He growled.

"[Yes, I'm well aware. That is entirely the problem.]"

"....What?"

"[You're too deep within your own mind. Just bring words to your thoughts. Don't try to formulate anything or make it presentable. Just uhm....how would people your age say it? Just talk your shit, Claude.]"

Instead of questioning where Arne heard anyone ever say that, he decided to follow the idea of simply spit-balling his thoughts. Just as he did after dealing with the Raiders.

"Alright....yea..." He started with a scowling shrug, "I've changed my tune on some words. I think it was inevitable that I find myself here. Take Heroes for example. I've seen the good....I've also seen that good die...I've seen a cities wildlands and villages die too. At the hands of mindless monsters. Something that could've been prevented. But it wasn't, because it wasn't....profitable. I don't mean to sound so....preachy. But I don't like what's happened to the word. Hero-- I mean. I'm far from a Hero.....but I know one when I see one. And all I see exiting these Guildhalls are...gloryhounds. It's just like the Enforcers said."

"[....And would you say this has led you to what happened last night. Did you no longer see them as Heroes, Claude?]"

"No...Heroes save. And fight for those who can't. I don't know what the fuck they were doing. As bad as I want to feel.....I don't. I don't know. Sometimes it feels like im losing pieces of myself.....like pieces are being filled in by, him. What I used to believe felt so correct. It's what my father believed in. And still....I'll lose it all. I'll become a hollow husk of my former self if it means removing shit like that."

"[Like what, Claude?]" Arne asked, leading the conversation to his desired direction where he was sure an epiphany would soon be found.

Claude found himself back within his mind, searching for some new word that would fit heartless, cruel and unjust humans tainted by evil.

"[Come on.....you know the word. It's a word you use often. One that's changed along with how you see your beloved Heroes. Tell me what they were, Claude.]"

He sighed and ran a scarred hand through his shadowy black hair, "They were...Monsters."

"[Yes. Explain this change to me.]"

Frosty and Ashe walked closely at his sides like two wolven support beacons. "There's no difference.....between them and the Goblins I rescued Maris from. There's no difference between them.....and Samuel and his brother. Not at face value at least. They didn't listen. They succumbed to cruelty and their baser instincts. They weren't Heroes. They probably weren't ever trying to be. Their goal to join the Midnight Wardens only proves my point."

"[And the Banshees?]"

Claude shook his head, "I don't know. It felt like the right thing to do.....but now it seems dangerous. I just saved a group of SpiritBorn Monsters.....what if they go destroy a village or a small city? That's all my fault because I wanted to try and figure myself out on a Full Moon. Why is this shit so confusing?"

"[Because you're alive...and invested. Life is confusing. I'm sure life before all this was confusing. That never changes. What has changed, is you. And in doing so, so have a legion of beings we once believed to be Monsters. I don't think they'll be out on the hunt for humans every night, Claude. It's like your friend Rollan said. These beings of the Tangents and the wild can feel, think, understand. Maybe not all of them. But I'm sure they did. In fact, I'm sure they follow you now.]"

"That's hard to believe..."

"[But it's the truth. Something you followed when you saved that Banshee. Tell me again, what it is you are pulled by during the Full Moons. Not the urge to expell dangerous threats, or hunt like an animal. What are you deepest held motivations?]"

Claude pondered the question in silence for a moment before remembering the talk him and Arne had after the first full moon, and how shaken the guide sounded when discussing them. He was beginning to understand why...

"Doing what I think is right...."

"[Exactly. Something you did when you saved the Banshee and probably part of the reason why you don't feel bad...when you shouldn't. This is who you are, Claude. And in doing so, you are not bound to any faction. You are not Claude of the humans or the Monsters. You will do what you believe in. And that won't always put you on the right side of history....in fact, it could put you in a very different place from the right side. The potential in following such a vague principle is endless. Quite fitting I believe. You're not becoming dark...or hollowed out by doing this. You are coming into yourself. You are seeing life through your own experiences. Take it in, Claude. You are growing. Some people are more monstrous then the ones that you've been told are terraforming the earth...]"

***

After speaking with Arne as he walked through the cold sands, unknowing, yet knowing of where he was headed. He he felt himself relaxing. Deeply.

Arne's words relaxed him and reminded him that he wasn't on the direct path to becoming a horrid monstrosity piloted by Fenrir. At least that's what he hoped....

It was comforting. Sure, he'd never enjoy killing humans. But he never enjoyed killing Monsters either. But, depending on what they did. He was beginning to think they'd go all the same. Monstrosity was a mindset that could be held within human skin as easily as it could be held within bladed scales...or rotten flesh.

He let that embarrassingly obvious realization marinate within his mind as they continued their discussions while walking.

After a few more miles, he found himself actively remembering where he was.

The liveliness of the forest. Even as snow fell and icy winds raged, the verdant glow of the plants remained. Rollan's home was close.

Now conscious of where he was, he quieted a bit as anxiety spun up images of a destroyed home and Rollan's insides splayed out across the yard with Ursula nowhere to be found.

Luckily, Arne's words kept his mind from diving any deeper into such a dark reality. But the topic stayed close, with one subject always at the center...

***

"[Speaking of Monsters...]"

"Like we've been doing this whole time." Claude added as he passed snowy tree after tree.

"[Well. I think it's perfect timing now that you truly believe it's something that can be more than physical.]"

"Yea...?"

"[This....uhm. This makes it the perfect time to bring up your other Racial Skill.....this is a topic most newly changed Lupines take quite hard.]"

As if he wasn't already anxious....