The story was great but the writing keep making it difficult to understand when a character was talking, doing something or when it happened in the background. hopefully it can improve as you write more. good luck đ
its good so far, (Me: but if you are gonna write talking like this, you need to know when to put periods and when to hit Enter for the next line.) i would say to start writing using these ---> name "talking" name 'thinking' ______line break______ (POV change)