36 To Murder

She fell silent for moment once I straightforwardly asked her what I thought. After tapping the corner of her cheek, then answered naturally...

"I admire the courage you displayed when your decisively killed your enemy. Those as competent as you at your age are hard to find in this era."

"And now you left me without any words to respond to that 'answer'..." I sighed while shaking my head disbelievingly at the girl before me.

"I know it's strange, but I feel admiration for the decision you made nonetheless. That decision you made to take a life in order to protect another is something I have never seen someone with a peaceful upbringing like your own ever try to make!" Her eyes sparked as she continued excitedly.

"As I said previously. A year ago, my father secretly brought convicted criminals to this Training Ground and ordered me to execute them for my 'training'. The first few time I killed humans of my own race... I puked while deluding myself that I was upholding justice, scared of my father who forcibly made me push my sword into the throat of another living person.

However, after a few days, my hands went numb as I started to actively kill those common criminals without my father's urging. It was at that time I realised how tainted my hands were and how cruel this world really is...

Father securely tied them, but he didn't gag them... so I was able to hear their rapid mad screams before they died by my hands. Some of them begged for mercy, some of them cursed, while others seemed so apathetic towards their deaths as if they had lost their will to live before even arriving here." She may have merely wanted to explain herself once she began talking, but after a mere few words... her emotions got the best of her as she sobbed.

My mind was blank for a moment at the sudden development. Then a sympathetic feeling arose in my heart as I looked at Sapphire more carefully.

I wasn't dense enough to NOT understand why she would tell me her feelings and not anyone else. We both already had a good idea of each other's personality after our first encounter.

Compared to the older servants of the household who only know how to give lip service and children her own age who are too naive to understand what death really meant... telling someone like me who was both honest with my feelings and her own age must have been more suitable in her eyes.

I don't know how long she had bottled up her emotions but it seemed like the dam she built and fortified within her heart had already broken apart.

What should I say? I can't empathise with her at all... Even though I'm a year younger than her and have 'now' killed round about the same time she first did... the feeling a person should feel when killing another human being is something I had gone immune to...

As a man who murdered on a daily basis in my past life for countless years to earn my next salary, I've already forgotten what it's like to feel disgust when killing someone. I'd only be spouting lies if I comforted her now.

Why do I want to be more honest with her than I was before? Easy, it's because she touched my heart, this youthful heart of mine isn't stone cold to the point of emotionlessness... yet.

Perhaps the me of this life will grow to be the same man I was in my past life, a man who had lost the ability to see the countless colours around him... or maybe this new me will change over the years after being moved by the many beautiful scenes in this world...!

Either way, there's no need to be so secretive and manipulative towards my first 'friend'. Instead of talking nonsense about philosophy to her, I lifted my arm and patted her head while waiting for her emotions to calm down. I glanced towards where Merilin and Sylphy who were playing around with a carefree atmosphere before feeling more at ease while patting her...

It wasn't like I was embarrassed or anything for patting the Young Miss's head. It's just that it would be tedious to explain why we were being intimate.

Who knows what they would think?

With my high perception towards Mana and Ether, I even eliminated the 'bugs' that were keeping tabs on us beforehand. I'm sure the Duke won't find out how I'm breaking courtesy...!

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Stop treating me like a child already." She suddenly wiped her tears away and smiled sweetly while gently pushing my hand away.

"Thank you." She followed up while tracing her hand on where I petted her.

She didn't seem embarrassed after crying in front of me so pitifully. If I was to point out the change I felt in her, then it would be that she looked more refreshed, as if a burden had been taken off her shoulders. I was once again stumped for words as I felt she's breaking some sort of status quo...

"What? Your now a friend of mine~ It's only natural you'd comfort me when I'm down." She said innocently. Well, it looks like I was needlessly worried...

She seems have taken this chance to overcome her childhood trauma.

I hid the admiration I had for her deeply in my heart. Who knows what kind of arrogant and narcissistic quotes I would hear if I voiced my thoughts.

At first, I thought I was the only special person in this magical world, but it looks like I was wrong. How could a normal 11 year old girl with a mind as strong as hers not be special as well?

"The reason you told me all that was due to the fact you wanted to ask me something, right? I am absolutely sure your holding a question in your heart and want it answered!" I asked deeply.

"Mhmm. I wanted to ask was: From your perspective, was what I did that time right... or wrong?" A darkness clouded here eyes as she asked.

"That's a stupid question." She didn't point out our status or anything even after seeing how informal I was. All she did was listen attentively to my opinion without interrupting my words.

"There's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to murdering someone. No matter what justifications you use to sugarcoat your actions and no matter how much it wasn't your fault: What's done is done.

You can either be a good person by living with guilt of killing and torture your heart with your regret, or you can be a bad person and move on... The choice is yours to pick. Whether your right or wrong no longer matters now that you're tainted like me." I shrugged unconcernedly. It's not that I wasn't seriously giving her an answer, it was just that there was no right answer to her question. The world isn't as black and white as she made it out to be.

In my past life, I struggled to survive on the battlefield and threw away things like moral values in order to claw my way to victory. I did many crimes and killed dozens of people without mercy, yet all my sins were rewarded with golden medals.

If the world was a fair place, a man like me wouldn't deserve to live a happy life, so it's pointless to ponder on such useless things like right or wrong.

"What a strange answer... As expected of you!" She laughed with a lively expression. The hint of sadness in her eyes dissipated like fog at my words.

"There's no right or wrong when killing, huh? You sound like a grown up." The Young Miss complained while pouting her lips. I really find this girl interesting... To think she'd be so inwardly innocent! I still have long way to go in understanding women...

"I am a grown up." She looked at the mature face I was making and rolled her eyes. Even if I was to tell someone I'm a reincarnated old man, I doubt there's no one who'd believe me. It is a little too unbelievable even on Sphera.