25 Path to Misfortune

"This is unacceptible; yes, intolerable at all, I dare say! My lord, pray you come back to your senses, for you are on the verge of putting everything at risk-gold, silver, and even your honor all at the same time."

As such, Esteban protested with utmost anger. Even at this point, he could hardly believe that the Governor, without shame, would have possibly renounced his authority and pride with such an ease, just as he had done this afternoon. Moreover, not just his honor was in peril, he had also practically marred the pride of others, especially the ones who had pledged absolute loyalty to him with their lives. How could he, shameless and gutless as ever, promise them his own plot of land! Should the bounty be merely another pile of gold and silver, then everything would have been a lot better by now. Yet he was offering them a land as their prize? 'Insanity pervades this very place', so thought the Cardinal to himself.

"Cardinal, I insist you calm yourself down and return to thy church. This is not a good time for us to talk on this any further."

"Yet, Lord Rothgarr-"

"Off with you, I said!"

The governor shouted to Esteban in thunderous voice. Shortly after, however, his anger subsided, now looking like an old man, not a stern governor, with his temper and willpower withering alike. He collapsed onto the chair behind. His forehead dropped, lying on the palms of his both hands while his elbows were on the desk. Sighing, with mournful sentiments, he spoke to the Cardinal who was standing next to him.

"No, ye shall stay here a while longer. Listen to me; I am tired, Esteban. Yea, I am weary of all the burdens and liabilities that I have carried as a lord of commons, a governor, and even a tech-knight in my youth. Not as if I have been neglecting those duties of mine-though you may think otherwise, my friend; for I slayed countless foes of the Empire in battle while I was still young, for no matter which barren land I was given, I made it fertile once again, bringing tremendous wealth to the Holy Empire herself. Why, even with this decaying, feeble body of mine, I am still bearing the weight of the governor's scepter, just as I've always done before."

"In the process, however, I have sacrificed so many things. My youth, my memories, cheerfulness of my heart, a friend that had been always true to me, and all other past joys of mine in their purest forms, were left none but consumed by the fire named 'loyalty'. Without hesitating I had cast them all into the furnace within my soul, only to see the flame in it grow more and more. By the time it had grown too much, even seeming to overflow beyond its container, alas, my hair began to thin-just as you can see now, Esteban-each thread slowly turning grey with every single day passing. Yea, in the end, there left no longer a cheeky boy, strength in his muscles, fine spirit dwelling his body, but an old man who had sacrificed everything he had, in the name of His Majesty. Truth be told, I am not sure-even now-whether such was truly a manifestation of my loyalty, or rather was something else, disguised as a pure devotion to the cause of the Empire. Maybe I have done all those deeds and follies of mine, Esteban, for the sake of my own greed-not anything else, now that I think of it. My friend, Wuntwail-"

Rothgarr paused, right before he would utter a certain word, a name of some person. After a brief silence, he then collected himself, giving him a moment to change the subject.

"The matter, Esteban, about this bothersome matter stuck like a fishbone in my neck, where only two peasants died in the hands of some unknown creature, I decided not to care about it anymore. As you would agree, Our beast is positively a threat. It may even be dangerous and fearsome just as Glen-gohr was in its living days. Yet, thankfully, we still have our mercenary hero, who killed that loathsome beast and brought its head to us, within our territory. So, the point here is this; why not use his might once more against our newest enemy? If we are to just leave it to the hands of that barbarian prince, then he would take care of everything else, without us breaking even a drop of sweat. The beast shall be slain within a matter of few weeks, at a cost of some worthless land near the northern seas, and we shall be happy just like the old days!"

Indeed such was the quickest way to solve the trouble. Though it might cost him one or two cities of his own, or even some portion of his pride, but still it was far more better option than asking the central government for an aid. They did not need to know. Throughout the Empire's history, it had always been foolish to reveal one's incompetence, one way or another, to anyone up in the central politics. Yet, he also well knew that this was not what his people were asking from him; they were asking for some mighty hero like Prince Aelthred, not some feeble administrator, sitting in his office without daring to fight the monster, just like himself at present. By now, they ought to be thinking of him as a coward, leaving every matters, big and small, to the hands of an outlander. What, by the grace of 3-Divines, else could he do about it, then?

Tired, he lied back on his chair, dropping his both arms. He sighed again, and continued with what he had to say to the Cardinal.

"Now Esteban, my friend, in what aspect do you see follies in such fine logics, eh? As such, we shall definitely solve this problem for everyone's good, and here we are only taking some shortcuts. I've already told you, Cardinal, that I no longer wish to be bothered nor trifled with all these tiny little things in my life. Wuntwail, yes. Even now I'm struggling, ceaselessly fighting off that accursed name from haunting me day and night. Lo, I had in fact done something terrible to him in the past, betraying his trust on me. Since then his vengeful spirit haunts my weary soul every time I wish to forget it all. Not until I become truly free from those letters, forming the dreadful name of my old friend, then shall I ever have my mind and soul at peace. I just want to be free, Esteban, from everything. The duties as a servant of the Empire, the honor that I should maintain, the glory that I should be seeking, and the guilt-all these are now choking me on my throat. I only wish to be released from then. Do you understand?"

Looking into his face, a reflection of his soul consumed with terrible fatigue and guilt, Esteban said no further. Now, he seemed to realize what was at the core of the trouble he and his people were going through. No longer willing to criticize him either, he concluded the private meeting by wishing Rothgarr a good health of his body and soul.

"Alas! Now that I clearly understand in which torment your soul lies suffering-after carefully heeding your words of concerns, then I shall leave you by yourself, and retreat to my humble place. Pray you rest to your heart's content, Governor Rothgarr. May the Divines look over your weary mind."

Rothgarr then swung his chair and turned around. He stared into the wall, saying nothing. With a caring countenance, full of pity, Esteban bowed and left the Governor's office. Upon stepping out of the door's threshold, however, his face soon became dry without any sentiment. He was once again a stern priest, unforgiving of those who failed in proving themselves, their worth, before the eyes of 3-Divines.

Now he knew it all. With utmost generosity he gave the Governor another chance, but he failed to seize it. Esteban could no longer save his soul from damnation. He was treading the path to his own destruction, and no one shall ever be able to rescue him. Worse, he was dragging the innocent others into his journey to doom. Be it his own destiny that he would eventually drown into the swamp of misfortune, but Esteban could not let others, including himself, sink along with him. He needed to do something about it. He ought to be guiding them, and his own self, out of their path to the eternal damnation. But then, in order to rectify it, the course of every others' fate, whom should he be working with? With whom?