THE 'JOURNEY'

ROBBIE'S POV

After returning from Alexander's I went home to find the journal and soon enough I found it in my room above table neatly place beside the letter I've received from a long time go. The moment I touched the journal's leather covers the voices returned. Screaming in my ears trying to force me to commit horrible sins against God, I immediately let the journal go and with a thump, it fell into the ground.

With heavy breathing, I tried to calm myself.

"Robbie…" a voice spoke softly.

There was a sudden drop in temperature.

And I can see my breath fogged as I felt colder.

"Why Robbie, why are you rejecting this? Don't you know? By rejecting the things they are telling you is also rejecting me" a familiar voice spoke, it has been years but I still remember her voice.

So soft, so gentle as if an angel had spoken.

But all these atrocities are pointing the other kind.

Looking up I finally saw her ghostly figure standing before me.

Her beautiful red hair flows ever so gently, her skin is paler than it used to be but it hardly matters to me.

"This isn't fair…why you of all people?" I asked her with a crack in my voice.

"No… it's not, what isn't fair is you, trying to reject me… turning your back on me after all this time. Abandoning me once more just like you did before." She stated with so much grief that it breaks my heart.

"No Amber…I never abandoned you! I…I have always cared for you" I stopped myself as my voice started to rise.

I took a deep breath and composed myself then spoke again.

"I never stopped loving you even after all these years, it was you that I want and it will always be you. Even after your death, I longed for you helplessly. I was willing to become a bachelor for you"

Biting the insides of my mouth I stopped talking.

I can feel the tears forming in my eyes.

Amber gritted her teeth as she inched closer.

"Stop lying to me! If you cared why did I have to die? Why was I alone that night? Why can't I live life like the rest of you lot" she said as tears rolled down her ghostly pale cheeks.

"I was alone, shivering in the dark with no one to hold onto" Amber's tears kept on flowing.

Gathering the courage to speak again, I reached out to her.

"I know I wasn't there that night, I know I was unable to save you and I will always regret that but that mistake doesn't mean I don't love you" I tried caressing her cheek but my hand only passed through her.

"If you truly love and your apology is genuine there's a way for you to repent" she said her eyes filled with hope as they stare into mine.

Taken aback I took a step away from Amber.

"Amber what you want is wrong…it's a sin against God. To summon a demon and to murder a person, it too much for me" I told her regretfully.

"I knew it, you will never choose me. You never loved me, you and your empty words!" as Amber screamed there was a sudden burst of wind and a bright light.

I closed my eyes due to the blinding light.

And once I opened then again she was nowhere to be seen.

Just like before she came and gone without a warning.

With a heavy feeling in my chest, I sighed and picked the journal again.

I wanted to see Amber again.

I wish she returns.

As I set the journal back on the table, I felt the warm tears flowing down my cheeks.

It had been such a long time since I saw Amber.

I have to admit this encounter made me quite happy but at the same time,

I… can't help but long for her more.

Feeling helpless I rubbed both of my palms in the face, trying to get rid of the sadness in my chest.

With a heavy sigh, I made a decision that I am will probably regret.

Reaching the edge of the town I could see already see the tavern. As I walked closer I could hear the loud cheering of the people inside, some drunkards spending every bit of their money for some ale and beer. However, I can't really judge them now can I?

Entering the establishment the scent of alcohol is evident, and with the slurring words and messy interior, I felt the urge to just turn my back and go home.

But my desire to forget my pain is stronger than my distaste of such a place.

Reaching the bar I took a stool and looked at the person in charge.

"I'll have a glass of ale" I said with a straight face.

The man suddenly snorted.

"Aren't you the lad that worked with old man Gus last winter? Ah, boy the stories he told. What about a glass of milk eh my boy" he said mocking me.

The old man ah! He's the only one I told about not liking the smell of alcohol or the thought of drinking.

"No, seriously I want ale" I said feeling my patience getting thin.

He laughed again, seriously I just want to break this man's jaw now.

I was about to leave when I heard the sound of glass tapping the table.

Knitting my brows I looked at the man in front of me.

"Here ya' go lad, your first ale. This one is on the house." He told me before moving towards the other side of the bar to serve another customer.

Great, now I felt like a total jerk.

I should thank him later.

Looking at the glass of alcohol in front of me, I can't help but have second thoughts.

No! Robbie Hunter man up!

I grabbed the glass of ale and chugged it down.

The bitter taste immediately made its way through my mouth while the burning sensation passes through my lung.

Swallowing the last drop of ale in my glass, I could feel the heat rise in my face and entire body.

But I don't care, not this time anyway.

Placing the glass down, I signaled the barkeeper for another drink.

He immediately refilled my glass.

Before placing the glass down however he spoke "Whoa kid slowdown we've got plenty in the cellar, it's just late noon. You surely wouldn't want to get wasted so soon"

I looked at him straight in the eye and said "actually the sooner the better"

With a frown on my face I grabbed the glass and started drinking the poison inside.

The barkeeper shook his head and turned "If you're holding something in, it never hurt to talk about it"

I was almost temped to just spill but it's not like they will believe me.

Yes, no one will ever be able to help me.

Not even myself so for the time being… I'll just run away from my problem.