2 idk title here i guess

I sat at the kitchen table alone, my parents having earlier retreated - no doubt in fear of my wrathful retribution. The milk jug lay in front of me as I undressed it with my eyes, one might a woman.

[ Plastic Container filled with the Secretion of Cattle Breasts ]

Yes, indeed my loyal citizens. This blue label hovered above the milk jug like an immovable drone. I had of course tried to shoo it away, those after the attention of a king are many, alas through sorcery means no doubt, my hand just moves through it unable to affect it.

Equally intriguing, almost as exciting as a good execution before the dinner meal, was the text below the label.

[ Volume: 0.995 Liters ]

[ Quality: Execute those responsible ]

[ Construction Date: 2018-05-30 ]

Interesting right? As I said, I am trustable - trust me, a king never lies after all.

A king? A king never moves. They command and the peasants obey! I see the errors of my past.

Giving it a mental command to disappear, I saw the blue text disappear and in it's place stood an unassuming - normal milk jug.

I willed it to appear and the universe obeyed. There it was, once more, back in it's original space.

I leaned back in my chair, picking up my glass of milk and taking a refreshing taste to quench my thirst. I knew what I had to of course.

Those who designed this milk jug, they, had to be found and executed. Attempting to decieve a King is bounds for exection. Gazing towards the milk carton, there proudly displayed stood " 1L".

Yet my divine brain, for what else could it be? Said that the volume was 0.995 Liters. Who would you trust if you were in my situation? Some stupid commoner or a genius king, who may I add, is blessed by the Gods.

Obviously the choice is simple. Trust the King and you shall be rewarded.

Alas, I digress. Back to the matter at hand. Willing more information to appear, the universe once more heeded my decree. Divine knowledge being blessed, as I allow it to seep into my head. Letters, numbers, formulas - the thousands of ways to construct a [ Plastic Container ] appearing in my head and billions of methods that would result in significant improvement.

Indeed, there In my head, I could construct a plastic alloy container of similar volume, equipped with a pocket dimension and the comparable space inside to the European Continent.

I controlled myself, shacking my emotions and shaking away the drool that had attempted to escape my divine mouth, when I was distracted thinking about all the milk I could fit in that space, a sea of milk all for my enjoyment.

Distantly I made note of improving the loyalty of my saliva, desertion amongst the Mouthguards is not acceptable.

I stood up, picking up my glass of milk and finishing it with a sigh. Tidying up after myself I retreated to my bedroom. No, I mean my chambers.

//// Line Break

Back in my room I sat at my desk waiting for my desktop to boot. You see, the question was what to do with the information inside my head. Seeing the computer boot up finally, I leaned forward in irritation clicking away on the keyboard.

Why did a computer have to so slow?

At the thought, libraries worth of information landed in my head, kneeling in front of my brain, pledging their undying loyalty and offering themselves up for my service.

"Huh, that's convenient" I said a bit preoccupied with the amounts of formulas and lines of programming apparent around me, floating lazily on the wind. I could see how I could improve the computer. Thinking about a powersource and a dozen scribbles of knowledge in my vision disappeared and left were hundreds that could do everything from doubling the power available to the computer, to one that seemingly created a miniature sun, floating in a liquid of something, to power the computer for billions of years.

The last one was without doubt overkill as the computer would only consume about 0.00000000000000000000000000000…1 percent of the energy supplied by the star. Still, it was a grand solution fitting to a grand person.

With a frown I thought, a stately person like me cannot write on such an instrument like the one before me. The once high-end gaming computer costing thousands of dollars, now appear as nothing more than a box of hardened shit with more shit inside it all powered by shitpower.

"Unacceptable." I sternly lectured to the universe and just like that more knowledge filtered into my head as I began mindlessly, guided by the divine, click away with my mouse and frantically type. Indeed if a, scratch that, if anyone saw me they would be jealous at my typing speed. You see, A king did not move, thus the keys came to me and as a consequence I typed on shit at a speed of 1000 characters per 10 seconds.

Time flew when you were having fun, or thats what they say. For me time flew, not because I was having fun but because I was asleep, fully trusting my divine self to finish whatever it started.

//// Line Break

Waking up, I quickly glanced at the monitor's bottom right corner. Seeing that a few hours had past, I sat up straiter. I saw another blue box to my left.

"Blue" I muttered under my breath with a frown.

Blue is not a stately colour. I commanded it to change into a pleasant golden color.

"Now that is what I am talking about".

Pleased at the now golden colour, I started reading the contents of the golden box.

[Alert: Shitbox upgraded into Stone Age Computer]

[Memory: Goldfish memory upgraded into Retarded Neanderthal memory.]

The list went on and on, everything from bottom to up had been upgraded.

An interesting upgrade was the lines of code that seemingly resulted in compressed information. The information got more dense, compressed into a tenth of it's former size.

A 90 % reduction of file size, without any apparent loss, for all intents and purposes it was the same file - just smaller.

A welcome development, with a command I willed it to compile into a software as my hands typed on auto, thousands of lines of elegant code appearing on the screen. When I finished typing - around 40 thousand lines of code was compiled. Curious I took a look, determining the function of the code.

Letting out a crazed laugh, I held my stomach as I laughed until I was wheezing. The fucking 40,000 lines of code? Only 500 lines were actually being used to perform the compression. The rest of it? Basically thousands of different variations of the following message:

`I am king, be blessed whoever views this code - it is divine in nature. Die with a smile upon your face mortal for you have seen enlightenment and understood nothing!`

Nodding approvingly. I command the universe and watch a mail address get created and subsequently thousands of mails being written by an automatic software on the computer. The intended target of those mails? Various companies in the world that could use my newly devised program. Attached were an encrypted trial version of the program and various legal documents.

Shaking my head at the need for legal documents. I guess I have to bear that burden until the world recognizes the truth for the truth.

I am the law.

Whatever. Watching with a smile as the emails get sent away, I see the future a head of me - billions of dollars at my fingertips.

"Nice." I'd say and did say.