2 Falling

I was carried by the wind. The warm breeze of air silently touched my skin that made me shiever. The night after Mamala arrived; while all of us silently doze in sleep,a loud bang was heard. Now we are here at the hospital. Waiting for the doctors to go out the emergency room and tell us what will happen to my grandmother.

I can't imagine the scene. Mamala was shot straight to her heart, but we don't know yet if she can survive.

I hope so. There's no greater women i know except her. No offense to my mother.

At these moments I wept bitterly and wished that peace would revisit my mind only that I might afford them consolation and happiness. But that could not be right now.

''hey, drink some water'' my father was the only man standing here. The only one with stable mind, we do need him right now to atleast remind my mother to calm and comfort her right now.

After drinking the water that my father gave me; i was tempted to go to this Hospital's rooftop, get some air and stare at the stars.

So yeah, i search for the nearest elevator and straight head to the rooftop. While opening this big damn greasy door i was really excited to calm myself up. I ca't seek for someones arms to lean on right now. Because I don't have that someone. I am alone. Not totaly alone, but you know? Having this fear of being ignored? feel me.

I wonder why teenagers like me always post unhappy stuffs, like they always say that they are sad while they have many many friends and attentions. I was deeply affected by it. If such lovely creatures were experienced being miserable, it was less strange that I, an imperfect solitary human being should be wretched. Yet why were these gentle beings unhappy?

While looking at the sky I saw someone near the edge. Is he trying to kill himself? or just chiiling right there knowing that one little movement can cause a large bill to his family because they have to bring him to the emergency room? ooh my thoughts.

I was a bit disappointed because i thought i can relax here.

''Girl wearing a big hoodie!'' he caught my attention. at first i was hesitating if i should turn my head or continue walking. UGH. my damn mind told me to stop and give him some of my attentions.

''What, suicidal?'' with a sarcastic tone i don't know if its right if I say that, but no worries i already dropped that line.

This was so strange of me to talkback to some stranger i met at the Hospital's rooftop. Not that i rarely talk but? you know my mother told me to never talk to strangers. Kidding.

''Suicidal? Me? HAHAHA'' I don't know if I should call that laugh an ' awkward laugh'. Because he's fucking smile hit me. What a beautiful creature! kidding.

''Thought your going to jump so i am about to exit because I don't want to get involved'' Im not planning o give my statement to the police. No.Not the police station. I hate cops. My phone rang so i shifted my attenton to answer the call. I awkwardly look back to this mans gaze. Ooh the creep he's giving me. Not that ewy creep.

''Hey, Im at the rooftop'' told my father. There was a long silent noise at the other line. My heart skipped a beat. At this moment i knew something was no right so i ask again ''What's wrong, Pa?'' i begin to walk so i can get down as fast as i can if ever they need me downstairs. ''Come here, now'' I ended the call right away. I don't want to hear my father's next line. Im to scared. What if?

I cleared my mind so I can face them bravely andlisten to my Mamala's current situation.

I use the stairs because the elevator is full of doctors and nurses going down too. What a great time it is!

I can't explain the feeling I have right now. Am i scared? Tired? excited? Sad? or maybe I am about to burst into sudden change of emotion? What am i suppose to feel? How about you? What do you think? do i have to feel sad because my Grandmother is fighting for her life? Or I should keep my emotion stable because I don't know what's happening yet?

Whatever. I can't change the situation I just have to accep it. Life logics huh?

''Pa? what's wrong?'' I saw my mother infront of the emergency room silently crying and clearing her mind. My father is infront of me thinking if he would spill the news about my grandmother or let me know why, what and how is she.

The exact moment the Doctor came out of nowhere ''Room 208, we already move her there'' at that moment my heart skipped abit again. Im happy! so much tears can burst out from my eys right now but i choose to run and find my Grandmother's room so i can ask her how is she now.

But all of a sudden i bumped someone that made me loose my balance. At a short period of time i saw myself lying on the floor with this man at the bottom of me.

''Ugh your heavy!'' i carry myself and stand. I want to offer him my hand so I can help him stand up, but i choose not too. '' Your the same girl I met at the rooftop!'' there we go again with the cute smile! oh wait did I just compliment his smile? uhm? No.

''ZEMIEL! HURRY UP!'' I shifted my gaze to the man calling his name. So? Zemiel? sounds really unique! like his eyes. ''Hey uhm see you around Miss Hoodie!'' after that line I saw him running away. So i decided to continue my walk uhm run to see my Mamala.

''Hey where's room 208?'' I asked the nurse at the table. ''ooh Im sorry abut your lost. Let me escort you to the morgue'' I am stunned for solid minute. Did i heard that right? Morgue? the part of the hospital where dead people-- ''Miss?'' I stopped my thinking and all of a sudden i saw myself running outside the Hospital and crying my lungs out. I lost my no.1 fan..

My Mamala died. I am not ready for this.

Weeks after losing my Grandmother i sawmyself at the bar. Drinking alone. I still can't believe that my Grandmother died. After 9 days of nonstop visits of our relatives and Mamala's friends I adjusted myself that I should cry only if I am alone. So this day I found myself here again. I am figuring out how to unpack these baggage my Mamala left me. The laughters, sayings, lessons and overflowing love.

Every night I always find myself at my bed waiting for her to open the door and tell me how beautiful I am. How worth it i am. And ofcourse to remind me to always choose myself. Im in my bed again. But you're not here, but there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering mind.