5 Annoying

My night ended in just one blink. I am starting to think what reality I belong today. It feels so comfortable and refreshing that i found someone whom I can lean on today or just for tommorow. I don't know... maybe not. Maybe Im just afraid.

''What am i thinking?'' I asked myself.

I got up and took a quick shower before I goto sleep.

Tommorow will be our First day as a college student, nothng much will happen tho. Just our opening of this academic year and orientation for freshmens. yeah, nothing special. Nothing. I swear.

''Goodmorning, college girl!'' my mom greeted me 2hours beforethe calltime to school. Im thankful for that.

''Goodmorning, Mom'' i simply said.

ate breakfast and now my heart is pounding so hard.. maybe I drank too much coffee? hmmm or maybe i am just nervous gotta admit that thing.

Maybe i am afraid that I have to make friends today.

All fear has ever done is hold me back. I have so many thingsI want to accomplish in my life. This fear is useless.

Since the day my Mamala died i became so much worst.The phobia or maybe trauma that cause me is getting real.

The morning knows how to start it's game, it brings us back to life, forcing to open my eyes everyday.

I always ask myself... if this was meant for me, why does it hurt so much? Why isthis giving me so much hard time?

''Hey!'' heard i voice from my back so i quickly turn my attention there. And then I saw HIm.

''Goodmorning..'' Iawkwardly greeted Zemiel who aggresively catching his breath right now. I notice that we are almost wearing the same clothes.

Black shirt, skinny jeans and a white shoes... maybe we both like dark colors mix with a little bit of white. That's cute for me please don't get me wrong.

We walk together. Suddenly I look and stare at him for a while. ''What a plot twist you were'' i whispered

''Hm?'' I think he heard what I whispered so i just gave him an awkward smile and turn my gaze to the road. We are near the school now and I still cannot believe that I am now a college student... wow.

''Can I sttick with you the whole meeting?'' he suddenly ask. I was a bit shock, not because i don't want him to go with me but because he can go there by himself and I believe that we are taking different majors.

''Im taking Civil Engineering.'' I inform him. He look at me trying to hold his laughter. It burst out ofcourse , and there we go again with that laugh. That charming and tantalizing eyes of him while he laughs really anoys me because i am starting to get addicted.

"Your joking right? HAHAHA" i just give him a curious look "Did you forgot? We are taking the same course!"

I was shocked. I forgot that he said that to me yesterday before leaving this school. Ah silly me.

That's embarassing and I have to admit that shit or else I am going to be doomed the entire time.

The school spokesperson i guess? started the program and we are now sort out to our different course. They started to discuss about what we have to wear. What we have to bring and what we have to learn here. I pay attention to all the words they said because I don't want to fail myself, this is my first official day of being a college student. I want to atleast be consistent with this. Lol I just want to graduate.

"That's all freshmens! Welcome to Our school! Enjoy your stay!" We started clapping and standing up to go out and to look for our schedules for the next day. Our first day of class! Do I have to feel excited?

Zemiel is still with me. He's walking exactly at my back. While trying to go down to the last step of the stair my foot suddenly slip.

"Hey, be careful" Zemiel hold my back and hand. What a rescuer he is! I have to thank him for saving myself from the scene I am making again.

"Thank you" i simply said and then start to walk again.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked.

I was abit shock about the sudden thought he brought up but i simply answered "Yeah, sure."

He hummed a little while walking and then walk beside me.

"If everything was meant for us, why does it hurt so bad?" I remember asking myself that same question this morning so maybe we have the same thought in mind.

I honestly don't know the answer. I suffer from the fear of abandonment and that's the only reason I have in mind right now.

It took me a two solid minute before answering his question. I guess he knew that I am thinking for the right words to say thats why he stay silent.

"Maybe we take good things for granted. But I guess we just have to be enough for our self first because the rest of the word can wait. If this is not happiness I strongly believe that this is not meant for us." My answer was a bit crazy. I know. But i can't find the right words to drop. Because I know that the moment I honestly answer that question, I am going to burst out in tears.

I feel like Im living in this constant state of too much and not enough, like the days are passing by too fast and too slow, and im always either overwhelemed or empty.

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