1 The Same Old Crush

I wonder how big of an impact he has on me even though I ignored him practically for 2 years. His words still make sense. He makes me wonder about everything else I never think about. His topic never gets old. He cannot be forgotten by a person if talked with for at least 10 minutes. He makes people's flaws flaunt, makes them realize and redeem. He shows his flaws openly yet he covers himself with layers of truth and false as if he's guarding himself against intriguing eyes. Inquisitive minds. What's truth and what's lie, he loves to keep himself a mystery giving away who he internally could be. Could be. I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him. He is the reason why I'm awake the whole night and it's 5 a.m. and I am listening to Azaan and making a wish. The wish to find who he really is although I have million other wishes to ask for. There isn't a tug at my heart for him or a soft corner. . Just an intrigued part that I have been trying to keep under control for 2 years. He had been my silly crush though for a whole month but when I look back he had been my only crush. He was the path where some things turned south for me but I have mended the road. I hear that everything I knew about him was false. Fake. Is it true? Is it false? I don't know. But I hope someday I know it.

He asks me questions I've never been asked before and talks about things that had been made taboo to us. Smoked? Had sex? Got drunk ?-Masturbated? Kissed somebody?------The answer is NO! I have not. I am just 16. Fucking Sixteen only! Moreover in a conservative country like Bangladesh where talking about sex is taboo. I know he lies a lot about himself. 2years ago when I first talked to him he was 17 then or so he said. 2 years later he still says he's seventeen. Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire! So I asked him about his school. Yeah to confirm if he still lies about HSC(A levels or 12th grade). I know he'll lie. And this time I ain't letting go of him so easy. I'll catch him in his pathologic lies with the little hints I can make out of his words. He's if what my cousin, Kashmira says is true, then he's 23 and has a girlfriend 5 years younger and is getting married soon. No matter what and for some, seriously fucked up reason I want him to confess to me. No wonder I had A huge crush on him since I was 14. And then fell for his words without seeing his face in the gram. I guess I almost loved him. Maybe did. Maybe still do but faintly. And I guess every girl he played these mini-games of his with has always been in a little love with him always. I don't blame them though. He's charming. He has a sharp jawline with almond eyes with irises neither brown nor black. Sometimes when sunlight shines through his eyes they seem yellow or so I like to think about anyways. And he has thick lashes, lashes that I'm jealous of. A slender nose and peach-colored complexion. Did I mention he's Adam's apple, that blob is very prominent in his throat? He got the looks and all except he's short. 5'10 I guess or is it 5'8?' But this ain't him. That's the boy in his profile picture. My cousin says Tazwar Khan isn't his real name. That he's using a fake account. That's the problem. I know him still I don't know him.

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5 hours later...

Guess what? Yes, he lied. He said he's going to give HSC the next year as if he's drinking water from the fountain of eternal youth or maybe he has been failing for the past two years or maybe the time has stopped where he lives. Now I'm sure he's bluffing somewhere. Maybe this account he uses is fake. The pictures are fake. He is fake. Why does he lie so much? But then why do I care so much? I mean you create fake accounts to catfish and fake a character different than yours. Just like me and my cousins use that same old account to catfish. I talk to him with a fake account too. But then how does he have so many likes and comments on his posts and even his replies to those comments that look so realistic, where do those come from and so many followers? He has 10k followers in a fake account! The fake account that I and my cousin use has only 300 followers. I'm awestruck.