5 Confrontation With The Self

"Mr. Albion, will my son be okay? A week has already passed and he hasn't woken up." Morgan was distraught after Vance collapsed. A week had passed and there were no signs of him waking up. Even the Cleric was without answers.

The room was dimly lit and had a musty odor. A small fireplace in the corner spread warmth in the room as wood continuously burnt. A wooden bed was placed in the middle of the room, which looked comfy at first glance.

A 5-year-old boy with a disheveled face lay there. His hair shone subtly like a dark crystal while his face was pale today.

. . .

[Vance's PoV]

"Aarrgghhh"

I was jolted awake from my slumber. The intolerable pain was making my head explode. As I was clutching my head to support myself and alleviate the pain, I noticed it - something was different, something had changed.

"Where am I? What is this place?" I looked around anxiously. It was a white world with nothing around. I couldn't find my father who was working in the field earlier, "Father! Are you there?"

"Hello? Is anybody here?" The deafening silence was scaring me.

Suddenly the surroundings changed. A scenery appeared in front of me. Two people were standing in a grassy area, surrounded by stones - one wearing white and the other wearing black. A small child stood there too, all lost. Two wooden boxes lay between them while the man in white spoke something.

I quietly walked to the man in black, hesitating to approach him. But the silence made me more afraid. I built up my courage and asked the crying old man, "Ummm, hello sir, can you tell me what's happening here?", but there was no answer from him. An ominous feeling tightened my heart as I felt I was lost in a foreign world.

Feeling alone, I screamed loudly, "Father, where are you? Please come back" but all that answered me was silence. My lips trembled as I cried for help, eyes wet from fear of the unknown.

Suddenly, the world changed again. The surroundings looked similar, with more stone boxes, except there was one difference. It was a young boy standing there, crying instead of the old man.

Having never seen or experienced anything like this before, the constant change terrified me. "What is happening here? Please, let me go." Trembling with fear, I yelled again in the vast open space. Yet there was no response. It was like no one could hear me. Or they choose not to hear me.

"This must be a bad dream. I must wake up." I pinched myself to wake up. 'Father said it always works.' "It hurts." The pain did nothing to wake me up from this nightmare.

Scared, I looked at the two people. The man was speaking something while the boy cried continuously. It seemed like he lost something precious to him. I took a closer look at him, and my face paled at a sudden realization - I used to have dreams about this boy. What's going on here? Am I in a dream I occasionally dreamt of? If it's true, then it means the nightmare will end if I wake up.' This thought relieved me a little. 'It's just a dream. People can't be harmed in their dream' I reassured myself.

At that instant, I noticed a pair of eyes looking at me. The man in white had vanished, and the boy looked at me.

"Y-Y-You can see me? W-Who are you?" I asked as I took a few steps back. It felt like cold water was poured on me. The earlier relief I felt was washed away.

The boy waited for a little bit and replied, "I Am 'You'" with a straight face. I felt his gaze piercing through me.

"What do you mean by this?" I asked back aggressively as a heart-tightening tension gripped me.

And the surroundings turned white again. When I came to myself, I saw myself lying on a white field stained red. Suddenly, my mind was bombarded with an influx of emotions.

'Feelings of profound sadness, emptiness, despair, numbness, regret - I felt like I experienced wave after wave of these intense and different emotions.'

"Hahaha, at least I was able to enjoy my first snowfall. This trip was well worth it," these words subconsciously left my mouth. 'If only I could be a wanderer in my next life; traveling the world,' - Why am I feeling like this?

The surroundings changed again. This time, I found myself standing on a cliff, overlooking a big river and a forest on its sides. I held a strange thing in my hand and a bag on my back.

"Beautiful," these words left my mouth as I felt excited and amazed for some reason. 'What is this emotion that I am feeling?' Something in my body was beating fast.

The scenery kept changing; one time, I was in an iron box moving forward in a jungle while some strange animals passed by. Another time, I sat beside a river holding a stick-like something. But every time the scenery changed, something inside me changed as well. I felt joy, a sense of belonging, and acceptance but I already had my father who loved me, so why all these emotions felt novel to me?

I felt like these emotions are being imprinted on my mind. But why? I have never been to these places. Why am I feeling like this?

Everything changed again. Everything was white once again.

The boy from earlier - the boy from my dreams - was standing there. "So, how was it?" He asked, his gaze focused on me.

"Who are you?" I asked again. I felt like I needed an answer to all this.

"I told you, I am 'You'."

I frowned at that reply. "What does it mean? I have never met you before."

"We have met now though. I am 'You' and 'You' are me. You are the answer to my death wish, my unfulfilled desire, my lingering regrets." He said, his gloomy eyes filled with determination, giving off a somber, melancholic vibe.

"You are me?" His reply questioned my very fundamental existence. The varying emotions that I experienced kept etching deeper and deeper into my mind, making me conflicted and question everything.

"Don't worry too much. When time is ripe, you will find your answers." He said with a warm smile on his face; his visage started disappearing.

"We are wanderers; It's a journey we must go on to find ourselves and our purpose in life"

"To explore the ocean winds, stir through rough seas, traversing the paths of exile"

"With no kith and kin but sorrow by one's side, befriending the world itself with its struggles"

"Our existence foregone, drinking and feasting alone"

"Seeking treasure, witnessing gutting slaughter; meeting new ashen foes and kindred alike"

"Wallowing in the misery of solitude, seeking the final resting place; It is our way of life, not a part of life."

. . . only these words remained in the deathly silence and the white world crumbled apart.

"Hmmmmmmm" The eyelids felt very heavy. When the light finally entered my eyes, I could see two figures yet I couldn't discern them.

'Am I still dreaming? Is this a new dream or am I finally awake,' I thought to myself, still finding it difficult to differentiate between the new reality and a dream.

"Vance!"

I feel like someone is calling me. But who is it?

"Vance, are you awake?" I felt like I remembered this voice. It sounded very familiar.

"Father, is that you?" Finally, listening to his voice, I felt alive. Looks like the nightmare was finally over. I am safe now.

"Yes, yes, it is me. Are you okay?" Morgan asked, his voice tinged with worry. When he saw his son finally opening his eyes, it was like a huge weight had been lifted. He had aged a decade in the past week, apparent by his ashen white face.

"Yes, father," I replied, my voice weak.

Albion, the city Cleric, diagnosed Vance's condition and cast a healing spell for a quick recovery.

'Did the boy really exist or was it just my imagination? A dream that my mind created? But all those places I visited and the emotions I felt were real. It felt like I was there myself' I had a lot of questions but no one to answer them. I felt it was better to take a rest for now.

. . .

Unknownst to Vance, he was feeling a huge surge of emotion that he himself couldn't describe. It felt like a dam was opened and various experiences came flooding in. Though it was unnoticeable at first, these feelings and emotions were seeping into his consciousness, shaping his very self.

'Being a wanderer is a way of life, not a part of life.'

Knowingly or unknowingly, those parting words etched deep into Vance's soul.

. . .

Outside the cottage, the world was covered in white. This was the very first time the Aston Kingdom witnessed something like this. A raven sat atop an oak tree far away from the cottage. A week had passed since he sat there.

At the entrance of the farmhouse, Morgan came to see the Cleric off.

"Thank you very much, Cleric. I am gratified that you came on such short notice." Morgan thanked Albion with a warm smile, in contrast to his haggard appearance. "Please accept my gratitude," he said while handing over a pouch.

"Don't worry Mr. Morgan. I was ready to do this when I chose my class. Do call me in case of any emergency." After saying this, Albino left.

The raven, after observing everything, flew away.