8 Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

Reality tore open, allowing Samael to step through. He wore his robe of shadow, his face contorted in anger. "Well if it isn't the piety posse," Samael said. "I'd say good evening, but there's nothing good about tonight."

Michael snapped his phone shut. "Quit the dramatics, Sam. We're here to negotiate."

"She's mine," Samael said, summoning his scythe and planting himself squarely in front of me. "End of negotiations."

"You're not being reasonable," Gabriel said, voice honey-sweet. "Think about what you're doing. Trying to realign the otherworlds? It's insanity."

"To you. To me, it is freedom. Freedom from the shackles of an absent Father." Samael glared daggers at Michael. "How long has it been since you last heard from Father? Years? Decades?"

"That doesn't concern you," Michael said, voice steely.

"Father is unfit to rule," Samael said. "The other gods may do a half-assed job, but at least they do it. And I'm sick of refugees wasting away in Hell. They deserve to go home." He ground the heel of his boot into the dirt. "I'm tired of watching my citizens suffer, crowded into tenements, trying to make ends meet. You oversized seagulls have grown corrupt."

"You speak nobly, but the reality of your plan would be disastrous," Michael said. "If the false gods gained power, they would return to their old battles. You itch for chaos, and you thrive off war. Do you really think I'll allow that to happen?"

Samael smirked. "Whether you allow it or not, it will come to pass. The ascendant has sided with me."

"Jeeze, you guys have daddy issues," I said. "And I haven't sided with anyone. I don't know the first thing about celestial politics. All that matters to me is that I don't start World War III."

"You won't if you let us to help you," Gabriel said. "Samael can only lead you down a path of destruction."

I crossed my arms. "Now, wait a second. You two basically want me to support a dictator. There's a reason I stopped being Catholic: I can't deal with dogma, and I can't deal with the Christian God. Samael may be a creep, but at least he's trying to help people – immortals – whatever. If I have this ability, I want to use it for good." I picked up my petersword and wiped pine needles from the blade. "I'm sorry. I can't work with you."

Michael's lips drew thin. "Samael will only bite you on the ankle, and soon, you'll find yourself neck deep in venom."

"Thanks for the endorsement," Samael said. "It's settled. She's mine."

"I'm not anyone's," I said, glaring at Samael. "Look, it was nice meeting you guys, and I'm thankful that you saved me, but I have a biology test to study for, plus I need to explain to my friends what the heck just happened. Time is precious, and I can't waste it on a family feud."

Michael's temple throbbed. "This is the fate of the worlds. Not a petty fight."

I shrugged. "You could've fooled me. You guys obviously have bad blood between you, and I don't want to be anywhere near it. I'm going."

"We will stand in your way," Michael said, blocking my path. "Do you really want to make an enemy of Heaven?"

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you going to do, kill me?"

"Unless God commands it, no," Michael said, voice chilly. "But we will thwart you."

Michael gagged, crimson blooming from his breast. Samael's scythe pierced his heart.

"Don't threaten her, ginger," Samael said. He wrenched his blade upward, brutally tearing through Michael's ribs. The scythe launched free of his shoulder.

"Samael!" I screamed, bringing my hands to my mouth in horror. Michael doubled over, spitting blood. His tunic was ruined, but his flesh quickly healed, bones resetting.

Michael roared, launching at Samael with his flaming sword. The two met like combusting stars. I stepped back, shellshocked.

"Stop it!" Gabriel said, darting into the middle of their melee to pry them apart. Michael and Samael glared daggers at each other.

"Wyrm," Michael said.

"Dog," Samael said. "All you do is sic yourself at Father's imagined command. If you lay a hand on a strand of Shannon's hair, I'll jump rope with your guts."

Gabriel planted herself firmly between them. "Michael, Samael, get off each other's throats. Fighting over Shannon does nothing. She has free will."

"She's ignorant of the harm she's causing," Michael said, sheathing his blade. He gave me a hard look. "You're foolish. Foolish as Eve, lulled by the serpent's charm."

"Samael's about as charming as a corpse," I said.

Samael sighed. "Everyone's on my case. Brother, I don't want to stand against you."

"You skewered me with your scythe," Michael said.

"You're blind to Father's true plans," Samael said. "You always have been. His lust for control will ruin everything."

Michael's lips cracked in a rigid smile. "Funny for the man who sought to usurp Him to say that. You're just as ambitious as Father – don't deny it. You will reap the benefits if the otherworlds are aligned, profiting off your alliance with the false gods."

Samael's gaze was heavy as stone. "We will all benefit. The worlds need diversity to thrive."

"We're not arguing against diversity," Gabriel said, gentle. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It just needs to be controlled to thrive. Like weeding a garden."

"You're comparing genocide to weeding?" Samael said, shoving Gabriel's hand off him. "To Gehenna with you both. Didn't it tear you apart when you leveled Sodom and Gomorrah to the ground? Our Father's word has caused so much grief. We may have been created for destruction, but we can rise above our Maker's design. We can be more than machines. Don't you want that, sister?" Samael looked at Gabriel with burning eyes.

Gabriel crossed her arms over her breasts. "Humans have always sinned in Father's name. We can't stop that," she said. "As for Sodom and Gomorrah, and the other times angels have intervened in humanity's course, it was expressly for humanity's evolution into nobler beings. You're just as guilty of engineering Homo sapiens' destiny, giver of the Forbidden Fruit."

"I had no choice," Samael said fiercely.

Gabriel sighed. "I'm not trying to anger you, just proving a point. You interfere with humanity to benefit yourself; we aid humanity because it benefits God."

"In other words, we act out of goodwill, while your motives are selfish," Michael said.

Samael's fists shook. "You're condemning entire worlds to death. Entire races to extinction. Hell's refugees are fading as we speak."

Michael's eyes were slits. "That's Hell's purpose, Samael: a place for the fallen. The otherworlds stand against God, so below the heavenly throne is where their occupants belong. In the filth you call your home."

"I built an empire on ash and bone. And never once did you mourn our family!" Samael said. He launched off the ground, gliding over Gabriel and diving like a hawk towards Michael.

Michael spread his wings, face grim. In a lightning motion, he drove his sword through Samael's stomach. Samael's entrails spilled onto the ground as he slid down the blade. The stench of burning meat filled the air. I gagged.

"Not a moment goes by when I don't mourn your fates," Michael said. He wrenched his blade free of Samael.

Samael clutched at his stomach as his guts snaked back into his wound. He spat blood at his brother's feet. "You sentenced the woman I loved to death in the wastelands beyond Eden. You have no conscience with which to mourn."

"Stop it!" I said. "How can you call yourselves angels when you act like serial killers?" My knees rattled. I fell to the ground.

Samael, healed, walked to me and knelt by my shoulder. "Shannon, calm down. You're safe," he said, holding my hair back as I puked.

"Fine," Michael said. "I will never convince you of my love for you. But everything I did was to keep our family together. You're the one who tore us apart."

"Take care of her," Gabriel said, sad.

The archangels took wing and vanished into the night.

I buried my face in my hands. "Why is the universe like this?"

Samael sighed. "Because immortals are petty. Because of entropy. Because we have lived too long to change."

I looked up at Samael. "I've always fought with my twin, but it's nothing like the hatred between you and Michael."

Samael shook his head. "We were the firstborn. Polar opposites. He is God's right hand, and I'm His left. It's natural that we clash. Are you feeling well enough to go home?"

"No." I sniffled. "I'm sick to my stomach. I never thought this night would be so horrible. I thought angels were supposed to be nice, like Hallmark cards."

He helped me to my feet. "You can spend the night at my place."

Exhausted, I didn't have enough energy to protest. Samael led me through his summoned hellmouth to the practice fields behind his cathedral-like home. I stumbled beside him into the foyer and followed him to a spare bedroom by the courtyard. It had a large vanity, walls painted a pale periwinkle with bluebirds on them. I collapsed onto the bed and rolled onto my stomach, wanting to hide from the world. Samael perched on an armchair beside me.

"I wish I'd never met you," I said.

Samael stared out the window at the topiary. "I suppose you do."

Images of the brothers' violence flashed in my mind. "How can you attack Michael like it means nothing? He's your family."

"He was threatening you." Samael ran a finger down the leather of his armchair. "As immortals, we can't kill each other. Violence has a different meaning for angels and demons."

"But it's still violence!" I said. I slammed my legs down onto the comforter.

Samael scratched at the stitching of his armrest. "If I really wanted to injure someone, I would have sent a Nephilim after them. I didn't want to harm Michael permanently."

I perked up. "Nephilim? Michael thought I was one of those, whatever they are."

Freeing a thread, Samael held it taut between his index fingers and thumbs. He looked cross-eyed at the fiber. "Nephilim are the bastard children of angels and humans. Haven't you read the Book of Enoch?"

I shook my head no.

"Good. Enoch was senile." Samael blew the string onto the ground. "Anyways, because Nephilim are mortal, they can kill immortals. They're used as assassins."

"What's the Book of Enoch about?"

Samael's face darkened. "It's about the Watchers, angels charged with monitoring humanity, and how they fell in love with human women. They made a pact against God and taught humanity the arts of civilization and warfare. Their offspring, the original Nephilim, drove my Father to create the Biblical flood. Raphael bound the Watchers in Dudael, and Michael slaughtered their wives. He plucked out the Watchers' eyes so they would never look upon women with lust again."

"That sounds fitting." I recalled the archangel's mention of Dudael. "Wait, Michael said the hellhound tracking me was sent by fallen angels that escaped Dudael last month."

Samael's eyes snapped open.

I shrugged. "Does that mean the Watchers broke free?"

Samael rose from his chair, cursing. He paced the room, robe of shadow trailing behind him like spilled ink. "That's why Michael was drinking tequila when we went boating in Miami," Samael said. "He only drinks that when he's hiding something."

"How can you party with Michael one day and stab him the next?"

"Our relationship is complicated. Be quiet. I need to think." He fell silent, giving the window a cutting glance. After a few minutes' pause, he spoke to himself. "Azazel's escaped. Semyaza too. They're biding their time, scoping things out, seeing how the worlds have changed since their imprisonment. The Watchers are finding allies, plotting revenge." Samael ran his hands through his hair. "Many demons will flock to them. I need to perform damage control immediately." He glanced at me. "Shannon, stay here. I'll be back in the morning."

"But-

"It's late. Get some sleep." He glided out of the room.

I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I touched the key at my throat. "The Watchers, eh?" I murmured. I vaguely remembered them from the annals of the Internet, from something on the apocrypha.

I tried dozing, but I was too rattled from earlier. Deciding to make the best of my situation, I set out to explore the courtyard and see its mythical biota firsthand.

I found myself lost in a maze of flowers and moonlight. The winding stone path was labyrinthine. The trees lining the walkway obscured my surroundings. All I could see were the soaring walls of the mansion. After maybe an hour, I stopped to sit on a bench carved from a stump. The blue fireflies from the outskirts of Pandemonium thronged round the branches. I watched the slow path of the moon.

Only it wasn't slow, apparently. It shrunk, then spurred like a comet down towards me. I drew back.

The moon landed before me, beside a trickling fountain. I shielded my eyes from its glow, blinded just as I had been by Gabriel's face. The moonshine faded into the form of a woman, bare as God has made her. She was bird from the waist down, with long, scaled legs that ended in talons and striated owl wings at her back. Her skin was the color of earth. She folded her wings and tucked a braid behind her ear.

"Lilith?" I said, remembering that Hell's moon was a demoness. I was motionless under her avian gaze.

Lilith cocked her head to the side, just like a bird. "You're not Sam," she said. Her voice was low and husky. She smiled slightly. "Shannon, right? His new whore."

"I'm not his anything. We're just… associates."

"I see. Sam doesn't have many friends, much less humans. That makes you a curiosity." She stepped into the fountain, craned her head back, and let the water drench her. It poured down her skin like crystal. "Ah," she sighed, washing her hair. "Flying makes me sweat like a horse."

I shifted, uncomfortable. "Do you want a shirt or something?"

Lilith laughed. "I never ate the Forbidden Fruit, daughter of Eve. I know no shame in nakedness." She inhaled deeply. "Out of all the things I've experienced, water's touch is the most peaceful. It brings me back millennia, to the Red Sea."

I looked down at my feet. "Um, do you want a towel at least?"

She stepped out of the fountain and wrung her braids dry. "I can help myself." With that, Lilith launched into the air, sailing to where I imagined the exit was. I followed her flight, finding my way back to the mansion. I stumbled up the stairs, exhausted from chasing the bird lady.

Lilith was at the doorway, a towel around her shoulders. She gazed at the stars and sat beside a rose bush. "I remember you," she said, voice distant.

"Well, yeah, we just met."

"You were born with your umbilical cord wrapped around your neck, blue as a bruise. Samael doesn't recall those that evade him, but I do. I almost had you." Lilith craned her neck to smell the roses beside her. "7 pounds 8 ounces, eyes like a mockingbird's wing. You smelled like lilies and myrrh. I thought your soul particularly beautiful."

I shuddered. "How do you know that?"

Lilith smiled sadly. "I'm death's midwife. God slaughtered my offspring, so I vowed to take the lives of His beloved human children. I was rash and young, and I didn't understand the pain it would cause me to be the mother of abortion and infant corpses. I have paid dearly for that choice." She fanned her feathers. "I am glad you resisted my call."

I had entered the Twilight Zone. "Erm, I am too."

Lilith cocked her head to the side. "Don't go – your smell. I remember the third thing you smelled of."

Ice dripped down my spine.

"Apples. You smell like her. The first ascendant."

"Not ringing any bells," I said.

"Eve. The first woman to walk Earth." Lilith's honey eyes clouded with… tears? "She was my best friend. I pine for her, long after she became dust. No one knew me like Eve."

"I'm sorry," I said, surprised to find myself pitying a demon. She seemed lonely.

"I know now why Samael values you. Why you smell like the forbidden. You're the Magdalene."

"Is that a Christian band?"

Lilith looked at me like the answer was obvious. "The woman of seven devils. The Magdalene is destined to wield the power of Hell's archdemons and redeem the fallen. Like a watcher high in a tower, she will judge God's sins and reopen the gates to Heaven." Lilith smiled softly. "Or so they say."

I shook my head. "That's impossible. I'm not the Magdawhatever. I can't zip my jacket shut without it snagging. You think I have the finesse to wield the power of seven demons?"

"Samael seems to."

"He never told me about this! Damien didn't either, or Beelzebub, or even the angels. Anyways, I don't believe in prophecies. They're loads of crap." I sunk onto the bench beside Lilith.

She plucked a rose and tucked it behind her ear. "There's a reason Samael has invested so much time in you. Have you used his scythe?"

I remembered cutting myself free of his robe during our first encounter. He'd said the scythe should have destroyed me, right? "Yeah…."

Lilith nodded. "All archdemons have a sacred weapon, forged from the Lapis Exillis, the stone of exile. The Lapis Exillis was the gem on Samael's crown. It was the source of his angelic power."

"I haven't seen him wear a crown. He'd look pretty stupid in a tiara."

"It broke into seven shards when Samael fell. He gave a shard each to his six most trusted friends, and kept the last for himself. Samael was unable to fix the stone, but the Magdalene is capable of taking the shards and making the stone anew. With it, you could reverse the curse God placed on us."

"A fairytale curse, eh? Is this like Beauty and the Beast or something, minus the dancing silverware?"

Lilith hung her head. She scratched her talons on the patio. "Our natures were twisted when we fell. We became husks of ourselves. Our purposes were perverted. That is what makes us demons. The Lapis Exillis is pure glory, God's first Word. It has the power of renewal - to make us whole again." Tears shone in the demoness' eyes. "I would no longer be Lilith the child-killer, but Lailah, the spirit of conception." She paused. "Like I used to be, before this madness began."

I reeled. "So you're saying, if I use this stone thingy, that I could wipe the slate clean?" I thought of the enmity between Michael and Samael. Could that even begin to be healed? "I don't see how that's possible," I said. "Hell is such a sad place. Even when it's beautiful, it's somber. If I could change that, I would. But I don't know the first thing about saving lives. I study life, I dissect it, but putting things back together? That's beyond me."

Lilith took the rose from behind her ear and plucked its petals, one by one. "You've come far, and in such a short time. That's the thing I envy about humans. What I envied most about Eve: your species can accomplish almost anything they set their minds to. Flight without wings, faith without meeting God. Immortals have such limited imagination. We copy humanity's inventions and thrive off their beliefs. That's why our technology looks like yours. We may give inspiration, but it's humans that develop our ideas."

Dawn tinged the sky pink, and Phenex rose on the horizon. Lilith stretched her arms. The door slid open behind us, and I turned to see a haggard Samael, muttering to himself. His hair was mussed, and his robe hung unevenly off one shoulder. He stopped abruptly when he saw us, his piercings flashing in the sun.

"Lilith?" he said. "I wasn't expecting you."

Lilith rose from the bench. "You look like Cerberus made you his chewtoy. What happened?"

"The Watchers happened. They've escaped, and chances are they're trying to capture the Magda- I mean, Shannon."

Lilith and I glanced at each other. "She knows," Lilith said.

Samael cursed. "Why would you tell her that? Knowing what she is will just put Shannon in more danger!"

Lilith shrugged. "It's the Magdalene's right to know what you have planned for her."

"You should have told me a long time ago," I said, crossing my arms. "Like back when I used your scythe without needing to go home in a matchbox."

Samael looked weary. "The Magdalene prophecy is ancient. I didn't want to give citizens like Damien false hope. And I've waited too long for you to be taken from me by the angels or Watchers. The less you know, the better off you are."

"You can't just keep me in the dark forever," I said.

"You're a mayfly that has no inkling what you're capable of," Samael said. "The Lapis Exillis is a cross no one should bear. I suffered under its weight for eons, and never once was it easy to wield."

Lilith flashed Samael a shrewd look. "Shannon lacks your fatal flaw: pride. The Lapis Exillis won't overpower her."

"You may be right," Samael said, "but the Lapis Exillis is still a gamble. If we can realign the otherworlds and return our allies' power, we can free ourselves from Heaven's shackles. Shannon wouldn't have to use the stone and endanger herself."

Lilith frowned. "No action against Heaven is worthwhile unless it is bold. Don't you tire of being Father's pawn?"

There were bruises under Samael's eyes. He slumped against the wall. "Of course. But we can't act impulsively with so many lives at stake."

"Then don't sacrifice lives. Assemble the Lapis Exillis," Lilith said. She placed an encouraging hand on my shoulder. "Shannon, untold people would be indebted to you. You could make more of a difference than millennia of politicking and wars have."

"If she assumes the duties of the Magdalene, she will be the target of both Heaven and the Watchers. It's too risky," Samael said. He lit a cigarette from his pocket and took a slow drag.

"Don't I get a say?" I said.

He expelled smoke from his nose. "No."

"I can make my own decisions." I collected myself. "I want to help Damien and the other refugees. I want to give these people a home again."

Samael's features hardened. Silence stretched between us. "Using the Lapis Exillis is not as simple as Lilith claims," he finally said. "You'd have to master each of the seven shards. The shards owe allegiance to different masters, and you'd have to show proficiency with all seven weapons to recreate the Lapis Exillis." He paused to smoke. "We'd be acting in open defiance of Heaven. If the angels found out, it would mean war."

"Aren't you already at war with them?" I asked.

Samael stubbed his cigarette out with his boot. His lip ring shone in the dawn. "Not outright. It's more of a covert cold war. We've been at stalemate for centuries. And with the Watcher's escape, we need Heaven on our side to combat them. We'd be double-timing the angels." Samael smirked. "Not that that's unprecedented."

Lilith checked the sun's course and rose from the bench. "It's almost breakfast. I'm meeting Deus for coffee. Let me know when Shannon's training begins, and I will be at your disposal."

"Training?" I echoed.

Samael nodded. "You'll need to train with the archdemons to master their shards. That includes me, Lilith, Beelzebub, Asmodeus, Astaroth, Belial, and Rofocale."

Lilith flashed me a smile. She launched into the air and sailed over the hedges.

I yawned. "I couldn't sleep a wink."

"Lilith is dangerous," Samael warned.

I stretched. "I noticed. Anyways, I thought you two had a thing."

Samael looked defensive. "Centuries ago. We're friends now. My relationships don't tend to last long."

I snorted. "I wonder why. And if she's dangerous, what are you, Hannibal Lecter?"

"I suppose you have a point."

"Can I go now? I still haven't slept."

Samael obliged.