2 Chapter 2: Scribbles & Cryptic Messages

"Mom, i'm going up first okay?" I screamed back to my mom who was just coming down from her car, as i run up to my room and locking it in the process. I stood on the door, leaning of some sort as i feel my breathing steady from the adrenaline i still felt was going through me from that dream.

That imagery was still stuck in my mind, unrelenting as it replayed the same dream all over and over again as i see the lilies wilting and the blue body deteriorating in front of me. As i replay the feeling of not being able to move, and the fire in me burning as i cry for help.

'It felt so surreal' I thought as i went to my bed, feeling the comfort and my body slowly melting onto it. As i took the journal and put it beside me, i feel its stickers and the soft cover of the journal.

'I wonder what company made this..' I went up to the laptop that was situated on my desk as i opened it. It was a sudden move from you, but you were just curious. 'Maybe that's why i took that journal..curiosity' I sighed inwardly, as i took to the internet to find journals that are popular among people in the journaling community.

'The leuchtturm1917..' I found in one of the sites that were recommending good journals to start. As i feel myself type the history and the reasons, it accidentally fell from my desk. 'Crap..' It fell on its back as i saw a wilted bud taped onto the back with masking tape. "That's..awfully weird.." I muttered to myself as i looked at the back of it. There was small note written behind it with pen

"Spring 2003..?" I said, hurriedly going back to my desk to open and finally look at the contents of this book. As i took a deep breath, i feel my heart beat increasing over just trying to open this book. 'Why am i getting so worked up about this..' I thought to myself as i went on to open the first page of the journal.

As..the first thing i see are scribbles..

'How am i supposed to read all of this Lily? Also whats with the..sudden obsession with the scribbles?' I thought to myself as i tried to find words, comprehensible ones to actually be read.

Thankfully there was a sum of words, thankfully i can read them. "Alright..lets try reading this.." I said to myself, as i start reading the lines.

'As i have said before , the feeling of being empty is slowly coming up to me. Feeding everything in me as i crawl into a small space. As i cry and wallow i take a piece of glass

And threw it at my mirror

I broke it again'

'what do i do?'

'just leave it be'

I closed the book with hesitance, reminding myself that Lily wrote this. Feeling the insanity from the couple of legible words she wrote down, i took a breather and went back to try and read the other pages.

-

It was useless, most of its scribbles and illegible words that either have no context or were disconnected with what the journal. With numbers laying around, my eyes dart with each number. 'But i don't even know what they do..' as i look at other words that were looked to be jumbled up together

The thing that was common with every legible word i can read though, are questions and answers to those. It felt as if 2 people were writing this, no several people were writing this.

"What the hell.." I then plopped the journal down as i looked over at the open laptop with an open tab. As i look over to the messages at the end of the journal. I noticed a small message written on the corner of the page

'Eilene is smart, she can read this. Right?' I raised an eyebrow from this, as it looked like another question with my eyes trying to find the answer for it. 'She can, trust us'.

'Its an us now huh..But besides that..' I then got the idea as i turned to the first page of the journal, where the message lies

'"Meticulously planned out my death huh"..' I thought as i went through the journal once more. With the pages i turn every time making me more confused. 'Wait, do i know what the meaning of meticulously mean, at all?' I said to myself as i hurriedly went on to my laptop to find out what it meant,

'Maybe it can help me..?' i thought to myself as it sounded more like a question with every step i took to trying to find out what this journal is actually about.

'me·tic·u·lous

/məˈtikyələs/

showing great attention to detail; very careful and precise.'

I took it to the journal once again, and glossed over the pages once more only to still be stumped after doing that 4 times in the span of 1 hour. As i slump onto the bed, i feel the chills that were from the A.C start to hit me.

"Maybe those were codes.." i muttered as i engulf the feeling of warmth around me with the comforter helping

'so..cold' I said to myself as i felt myself drift into another daydream

-

"So, may i ask why you were sleeping in Lily's bedroom?" My mom suddenly asks, shocking me as i choked on my food that i was eating. I looked over to see that she wasn't joking around, and she wanted an answer. After all i did spend more than 3 hours in a dead girls bedroom. "I..uh" I stammered, as she now looked more confused.

"I wasn't doing..much. I was just lying around in her room then suddenly i accidentally fell asleep" I said, hoping that lie could pass without her asking in too much detail. She then went on to finish her food, leaving me alone on the dining table

I sighed, not letting go of that dream just yet. Its been 5 hours since that dream, but i guess its still plaguing my mind as of now. The detail with the blue veins, with the lily's growing out of her body everywhere. From her eyes to her scalp, it looked as if she were deteriorating and decomposing and instead slowly being a place where plants could bloom

I didn't understand why i dreamt of me being on fire though, thats another symbolism that i haven't yet to understand. As i looked over to my mom, who was looking at a picture of the whole family that used to be complete. As we were standing in the park with green dominating the whole scene.

My mother quickly put it back, as she hurriedly left so i wouldn't see her tears falling down her face. Running up the stairs with her last words being, "Don't forget to wash your own dishes okay?" To me before going in her own room

"Oh..kay" I hesitated to answer as i hear the door close. I looked to my food, half finished as i slowly lost my appetite to eat. Remembering the tears everyone shed in both the funerals i went to. My heart slowly clenching as i hurriedly finished the half eaten food that was left on the table. And went to wash the dishes

-

I went to the upstairs as i saw the journal neatly placed on the closed laptop i was using, feeling the cold, stinging air from the A.C hit my lungs once more. I then slowly walked up to my school bag, as i prepare for tomorrow. I looked over to the stuff that were on my desk as i internally check the things for school

'pencil case, bio notebook, chem notes..' as i put them slowly in my bag, my eyes drifted over to the journal that was sitting there. As my mind instantly disagreed as i took the other things that were necessary for school

'So this isn't necessary?' A small voice nagged as i fetched the laptop and put it inside my bag, feeling the smooth surface leave my hands. As i tried to tune it out, it felt as if the voice was slowly growing in volume with my hands working on putting things and getting things out of the school bag

'So this isn't necessary?'

'You're not interested?'

'Are you sure?'

'It'll be a lot more help if you get some people though'

'So this isn't necessary?'

'So this isn't necessary'

'SO THIS IS NECESSARY?!'

'STOP..' i said to myself as i hurriedly zipped my bag and flopped onto the bed with the pillow on the back of my head as in the effort to try and erase the voice that started to echo inside my head

'Aren't you confused on what to do? You can get some help there'

'This is necessary, right?'

'Don't you want to know what actually happened to her?' It then stopped, as i stood on the floor, looking directly at the journal that was neatly placed. I felt my throat close as my curiosity took over.

Without me knowing, its already in my bag. Zipped and locked in my bag as i feel the voices start to fade away. The feeling of relief washed through me as slumped onto the bed with my body falling into a deep sleep