18 "City PT.1"

Pathetic.

Pathetic.

The words repeating from her mouth stung like a sharp knife.

The moment of silence, the feeling of confusion and fear filled my chest. I lost my safe haven again.

He patted my head. I looked up, rubbing my eyes, Felix was giving me a small smiled.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked, I just nodded.

No one told me this scavenging hunt will be so long and hard.

We were a kilometre or two away from the city. The city was our goal, we had to reach it under 3 days of travel and scavenge as much food and stuff we can find.

Felix and Daniele had guns with them. I had a bow which I didn't know how to use and a pocket knife.

It was a bit rusty which made it less as sharp as it should be. I tried to make it less rusty by rubbing the tips of the blade by a stone, but it didn't help much. I guess, it was a little shit, since I didn't know how to properly de-rust a knife.

I got up, following him as he joined the others.

The two days went smoothly. No one so far got hurt, we found some canned food, cooked a lizard or two and didn't meet any mutants or freaks.

But the city is a different talk. There's mutants everywhere as Daniele said, freaks that lurk around at night, which makes the travel through and back not so safe.

I was taken with because I knew first aid, but I remember nothing.

If someone dies, it'll probably be because of my lie telling that I remember something I've sucked in class the most.

We walked, the heat was overwhelming and taking over.

We walked in silence, all of us had ran out of breath already, we didn't know how long we would walk for.

We walked around 60 kilometres from the base, or 30? I'm not sure anymore. But it took long, since we're quite a few and we needed to rest quite much.

The silence stretched out in-between us. The air felt thin, sharp. It stung a little, the tension was felt in the air.

I inhaled, the air wasn't toxic here, it was far away from the explosion when the accident happened.

We approached the city sign, we walked in silence, our feet burning from the burning heat and sand.

"Hey. We made it." We walked, the sign dissapearing behind us.

The rusty metal edges were on the sides of half broken sign, the light, lighting it up was broken, the glass shards scattered around. The sign was sunken into the sand, half of the sign pieces scattered around.

A road started to appear, and we finally started walking onto the burning asfalt.

I felt like the hard concrete will melt into my shoes and feet, but it didn't. It was maybe just a paranoid feeling.

The others walked in silence, a lump in my throat remained, I didn't know what to say. The air felt thin and hard to breathe in, but it was safe.

It was a place where the reality didn't function.

Where our dreams of not walking with a filtered mask were true.

The broken road continued, the high buildings were getting more visible in the distance.

Daniele and the others stopped.

We stood by an empty big building, half of it was sunken into the sand. Daniele was waving with her left hand, as a way to signal that we can go in.

We all slipped inside. The dark space around us felt big and claustrophobic.

I walked towards the old and broken escalator. One was going downwards, the other one was going upwards. Felix grabbed my arm.

"Don't wander alone. It's best protection if we stay together as a group." He said, I looked down from his gaze down to my arm.

"Got it.. Fe- Sir." I corrected myself. Felix was the head of the scavenging group, so we couldn't call him for Felix.

It was some stupid rule made by Amelie, but she insisted we used that when addressing him.

"Sir." Gilliard muttered, the girl chuckled.

We walked together. Felix stopped. He glanced up, I did too.

"Okay, we'll have to split. Gilliard, Anna the bottom floor. Alexander will tag along with me. Daniele you tag along with Gilliard and Anna." He tied his laces together of his jacket, the others nodding, walking off.

He started walking. I stood there, thinking.

"Didn't you hear me?" He stopped. He glanced at me, his glance sharp and cold.

I ran after him, finally catching up next to him.

"So. How are things in the clan?" I asked, he was keeping silent as the two of us walked. He glanced at me.

His eyes meeting mine, the cold eyes of his felt different this time. They felt warm, and welcoming. As if like he actually wished to speak to me. But couldn't get the right words out.

"Oh. They're fine. What else could I tell you." He spoke up, shifting his gaze away.

I looked up at him, focused on his face. I noticed how grown he looked, the patches of broken cealing revealed all small wrinkles and scars and moles on his face.

I guess it was just me who thought that I was still a kid.

I guess I never got to grow up. I guess it's a way to cope for me. Pretend I'm still a child and that everything's alright.

But shit isn't. Nothing is alright anymore.

"Do you miss the world before?" I asked, he stopped. He didn't look pleased by that question.

"..Sometimes." he answered, once he started to walk again.

"Why just- Sometimes?" I asked, he stopped, turning to me.

"Isn't a bit too many questions, don't you think?" He gave me a smile, annoyance behind it.

"Oh- Sorry." He turned back around and continued walking.

I followed. We walked in silence. I realized maybe I was a little too intrusive.

He stopped. I did too.

He looked around and after a second or two grabbed my arm, yanking me along with him, hiding back a broken vending machine.

"What the fuck?" I whispered, he put a palm over my mouth.

Two mutants ran past by the place we stood at.

I inhaled sharply. I held my breath, to make less sound as possible. I glanced up at him, he glanced at me and he let go.

The growling was heard further away and only seemed to fade away over time.

We walked out, I breathed out.

"That was close." I said, chuckling, still a little shaken up.

He just walked, I hurried a little to catch up to him.

I walked. I felt a little scared, it was dark and the only source of light was the lighter Felix took out when he walked. Maybe for a smoke or something, but he didn’t seem like he smoked.

But I didn’t wish to be rude nor to make theories about a persons private life.

He stopped.

“I think we should take a break. This mall is giant, and we need to take a break from walking, my feet are aching.” He slumped down, leaning by the cold concrete wall.

I sat down a little further away from him glancing at him, and then turned my head back.

I stared at the ripped up poster on the other side of the mall, there was a hole in the cealing, it was lighting up the poster. The clawmarks were deep in the wall by itself, not just over the poster.

I glanced around. There was a lot of glass that was scattered around the ground. I guess the explosion had a lot of impact on this part too, most of the shops had little to no glass or metal railings on them.

The city felt untouched. But it was swarming with life, but with life that’s not how you’d imagine it.

The further you travel, the more you understand overtime. How much impact it actually had. How destroyed the earth is.

Any sane person would feel sympathetic for us survivors, but I wouldn’t. We turned into the same wild beasts that roam the streets in abandoned, dead cities.

We’re not so different from them.

We’re all just monsters afterall. We all just fuck everything up. We all just.. Ruin everything.

He turned to me, as if he was going to say something.

He opened his mouth. A faint scream was heard in the distance.

“HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!” Someone screamed in the distance, the two of us looked at each other, confused and alarmed. Felix grabbed his gun, getting up.

He started running, I ran after him.

The fear and the pain took over my chest. This might be a part where I mess up. Where I mess up and someone might die because of me.

Because of a lie that I said, because of how high of myself I thought. And if they die, it’ll be all my fault.

Everything would be my fault.