16 Course it’s a party

With a tiger roar I jumped and clawed into the blubber of this space whale. I know it has a name for its species but it's just a whale in my opinion. I just kept wailing on it which made it screech. Several of the alien soldiers exited from the pods on its body to intercept me.

"You want a piece of me?!?!?! Bring it on!!!" And with that I was having an intense battle on the skyline. *phewl* noises sounded out as Iron man blasted its face with his repulsor blasts. It roared and began chasing stark who led it towards its buddies causing them to collide. I don't know what stark did with his lasers but this thing is pissed.

"I'm bringing the party to you" was all I heard over the ear piece. My music was blasting and the sounds of battle were kinda drowning out their orders. I looked up to see the rest of the team gathered in a circle looking at the whale close to them.

"I don't see how that's a party?" Natasha said over the radio. I grinned and raised my arm up above my head then drove it down with all my might. A massive boom echoed out as a shockwave spread shattering all the glass in the vicinity. The whale plummeted to the ground dead as it organs and blood blasted out of its mouth soaking the avengers.

I hopped off and looked at then "course it's a party Natasha Romanoff. We got music! The place is packed! And someone already puked on the hot chick!" She just went back to pondering life as she soaked in purple blood. "Why didn't you get out of the splash zone?"

Hulk just roared so captain America decided to relay orders "ok first we need to shut that breach, Thor can you get up there and fry whatever comes out. Hulk go smash the stragglers. Hawkeye get a birds eye view and locate Loki".

"No need I know where the horn head is" a I said gathering their attention. They kept staring as if to ask where? So I told them exactly where he was "he got piledrived into the ground in starks room and now he's up their giving him head to the point he might pass out" Natasha immediately looked at Tony who was blasting the aliens.

Steve and Thor looked disgusted while hulk looked satisfied that he was hurt more obviously going over my innuendo. Natasha said " I knew he had issues and claimed to have the craziest sex life in America but this is—- wait he's dating pepper. I should call her and let her know right away". She then pulled out a phone from between her chest and began making a call.

Thor just said darkly "brother how far you've fallen" to which Steve could only offer condolences. I patted Thor on his shoulder and said "pray for your brother. He may catch all of the stark STD's". "I do not know what these STD's are" "just offer stark condolences about him being infected once this is over" to which Thor nodded.

Cap just finished processing so he said "okay so how to we close the portal". "You gotta stick Loki's stick into it though I'd wait a few seconds" He looked confused until fury came over the radio.

"Avengers you've got a nuke incoming, The security council has elected to wipe the big apple of the map. I hope you've got a plan" and then his voice got cut off.

For those who knew what a nuke was they felt shocked, well all except Rath cause he would survive. Stark then landed "pepper has been calling me non stop, I think she's worried about the battle". Oh she's worried alright, romanoff is giving him a death glare but he just thought it was because they were in a war zone. How wrong he was~

Rath just looked at him with a grin "stark use your computer to calculate the angle you gotta push the nuke so it ends up in the portal" he then went quiet as he began making the calculations. "Ok got it, I'll save the day!" And then blasted off.

Cap then said "alright rath and widow get ready to shut off the portal" and with that we went about with our orders. Me and widow decapitate a chitauri and stole their hover bike. We flew quickly up to the top of the tower. She reached for the staff and got ready to close the breach while I just picked up an alien rifle and started sniping fools for fun.

Stark grabbed the nuke and angled it up towards the mortal. He entered it and then dropped out within a few seconds so Natasha stabbed the machine. Stark didn't fall unconscious this time so he landed next to us. Widow was still giving him the glare while I kept grinning.

Cap spoke over the radio "the attackers are down, we're moving to apprehend loki" oh I have to see this. We carefully walked down to the room and entered the same time as the others. Hulk and Thor just jumped in through the balcony while Hawkeye and captain America just entered through the elevator.

They also spotted the chitauri with a crushed head then looked towards Loki who's head was imbedded in the Stark statue. They also spotted the large hole in his backside and put two and two together. Natasha just looked horrified and then glanced at me. "What I didn't lie did I?" She just sentenced Stark to death but it's not like she's gonna admit her mistake.

"So who wants to pull him out of Stark's crotch cause I'm not touching him." With a grimace Thor pulled Loki out of there. It took a few tugs but once he was removed everyone got to see where he chomped a portion of the metal away which made Tony shiver.

We slapped some cuffs on him and bagged the tesseract. I smelled something enter the room that couldn't be seen and smiled knowing what was happening. Shield goons showed up so they grabbed Loki and woke him up. The steel that was stuck on his teeth acting as a gag. I laughed watching him crab walk into the elevator.

I texted my girlfriends as we rode all the way down. Once we exited senator pierce was there practically glowing once he saw the brief case. He reached for it and Thor stopped him which led to the whole debate about who should have it. Next it was if god himself was on my side when Thor said this.

"Ah that reminds me Stark, I offer my condolences. I heard about the numerous STD's you are infected with. Hopefully the all father will cure you in Valhalla" and then Antman gave Stark a heart attack while I bit my lips as it looked like Stark's heart stopped when he secret was out. Didn't help that one of the agents was filming this.

I noticed the brief case he kicked away and picked up by an 'agent' so I walked towards Loki. Hulk stormed in "So many Stairs!!!!" And the agent fell on his ass sending the briefcase to me. I picked it up and walked to the agent while Thor restarted Starks heart.

I handed the brief case to him and began making polite conversation. "Agent you seem to be covered in tachyons. I know what your up too and considering your wearing that deer piss cologne it means your from a different time line".

The agent just whispered "deer piss?!?" So I continued "if your going for these stones it means things went bad. Your time hopping to grab them and may have ended up in the wrong timeline but it doesn't matter. Let me offer you a piece of advice"

I then leaned into his ear "if you fuck with time it fucks with you. One of those stones means one fo your people isn't coming back. Considering some of them are off world it means some bad things may happen. When you get back check the people extensively, especially the people with cybernetics. Shapeshifters and virus's exists in any timeline after all. By old man Tony~" and with that I walked away as he just looked horrified.

He regained his bearing and ran off pondering over my statement and who the hell I am. Then in typical stark fashion his mind went back to his cologne. "Jarvis check the ingredients in my cologne and research that company extensively".

I just nodded and went back to my Stark who started breathing ok again. "Good your alive, where is the brief case?" I asked him. Then panic kicked in and Cap said over the radio that Loki has the sceptre. I looked at the anal victim who has trouble standing.

I just clapped my hands "swarma time!" To which Hulk cheered happily from the back of the room.

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