1 Prologue

On a lonely night of summer, around two in the morning and somewhere in New England, a restless girl laid on her bed. She was too busy overthinking, insomnia had become a frequent visitor since her early teenage years. It had something to do with her parents' constant arguments, with her low grades —she was smart, smarter than the average, but not good enough to outdo the high standards of the private school she attended. But most importantly, it had to do with her love for another girl. The feeling was reciprocated, fortunately; but at the same time it was a misfortune: the environment she lived in would never see it as something positive.

She eagerly counted the days left for school to start again, so she could see her beloved girl again. And she also counted the days left for school to be over, so she could escape the living hell her 'home' was and start a living with her, her only ray of hope among so much heartache.

But the threatening thoughts of failing continued prowling her mind. What if she had to retake the year? What if their relationship was discovered sooner than they were planning it to be? Too many risks, so much to lose…

She rolled on her back, looking for a more comfortable position to get the precious sleep she needed. She stared at the ceiling, even if staring at the ceiling was never a good idea (for some reason, it only attracted the worst thoughts and nightmares if she found a way to fall asleep).

It indeed wasn't a great idea…

The sudden thought of sleeping pills popped up on her mind. She got the prescription from her head medic and was given them at the school. She said they weren't strong at all, so she'd only need to lay down and relax for a while until the inevitable physical exhaustion took over her body.

"I'll take two of them, only two of them…" She thought.

The girl got out of her bed and headed to her en-suite bathroom, carefully trying not to wake anyone up in order to avoid suspicion. She flicked the light on and stared at her reflection on the mirror: she had sunkissed skin and an angelic face, mesmerizing blue eyes and a beauty mark beneath her left eye; her hair was a shrub of auburn brown locks. Even when she got oftenly complimented, she never believed a word, not even her girlfriend's words —her self-confidence had always been that awfully low. She turned the handle of the sink and refreshed her visage, then took a second look at the mirror: "You can do this, nothing bad will happen", she tried to reassure herself. Opening the small wooden door of the cabinet, she grabbed the bottle of pills and opened it with shaky hands: they were tiny, cylindric capsules, half red-colored, half blue.

"Only two of them, only two…"

She quickly popped two pills on her mouth and swallowed, exhaling all of her anxiety out after that.

Once again, she closed the bottle of pills and put it back on the cabinet. Hoping this time she'd be able to close her eyes and embrace Morpheo's arms, she turned off the bathroom's light and went back to bed.

She tucked herself into the bed. With only one light sheet covering her petite body, she rested her head on the pillow that emanated all of the most precious dreams she once dreamt of, as a cunning child, as a troubled preteen, and now as a tortured teenager in love. She closed her eyes, the heavenly image of her beloved girlfriend projecting on her mind suddenly. She was unnaturally beautiful; she was like a hedgehog, snarky, bad-mannered, mischievous, but once you got to pierce into those heavy layers of sarcasm, grump and unpredictable mood swings, an unbelievably kind and amicable human being could be found. Oftenly, she liked to think she was actually dating a fallen angel, a heavenly creature that forgot how to fly back home. Whenever she told her about that, she'd laugh and kiss her gently, reminding her the only angel in their relationship was her, that girl with eyes blue as diamonds and gorgeous, untamed curls.

With a soft smile printed on her lips, the girl finally managed to fall asleep.

But something went wrong. It was four in the morning now, the first morning birds beginning to sing. The girl woke up soaked in sweat, something was wrong —absolutely everything was wrong.

Her chest felt as if it were being scorched. Her breath was intermittent and heavy. Her pupils dilated. The worst of thoughts reappeared on her mind, one after the other in the exact order: she was going to fail the classes, she was going to have a major breakdown, her parents were going to find out about she and her girlfriend, they were going to insult her, tell her she was a failure, that she was always a failure, her beloved one was going to get fed up of her, of her daily life problems, of her insecurity, of her dull blue eyes and her messy hair and awkward smile.

She began crying, but it was like a dry, tortuous crying. She was unable to whimper, of emitting any sound at all, her chest burning like it was on fire. The merciless thoughts became a flurry on her mind, they confused her and made her feel dizzy at the point of giving her a strong headache.

She didn't want to feel like this anymore, she wanted to stop feeling anything at all. Already hopeless and beaten, she walked towards the window. She didn't hesitate a moment, not like she did when she took the strange pills, no. Without a doubt, she jumped off; her body fell on top of the metal fence, stabbing itself with the spears.

On a lonely night of summer, around four in the morning and somewhere in New England, a restless girl ended her miserable life.