Manifesto(?)

Dear readers, what do you think a person who has devoted a great portion of their time to studying history, especially historical wars would feel when they come across the kingdom building and war/ military genre? They will devour whatever WN they could get their hands into. They will even use methods most familiar to bearded sweaty seamen(?) of the Caribbeans to acquire the precious goods. That sounds good, right? Surely this person must be satisfied to read fiction about one of his favorite hobbies, right?

WRONG!!!! Everything from A to Z is wrong with the Kingdom Building and War genres, EVERYTHING!!!

I mean, are you telling me to believe the fact that a supposed medieval feudal kingdom can raise an army of tens of thousands and wage war across their country sometimes even sea through many many different terrains without even a single sentence of mention of logistics or supply routes and can still fight at full strength and morale at any given time? Bullshit!

Also why why WHY the fuck do you have swords as your primary weapons?? What nonsense is this?? The spear is a bad weapon you say? Did I hear that right?

*Sigh* My dear authors, you do realize that spears, pikes, polearms, and lances ruled the battlefields from the beginning of time to the 1700s, and even then there were weapons that functioned the same way as a spear would, such as a bayonet which was in use up until 2004 when the last bayonet charge was recorded, right? I am baffled as to how people can be so willfully ignorant. I know that swords look cool, but you have to have a bit of realism in there for me to actually suspend my disbelief and get into your story because there is nothing more I want to do after a day of hard work.

I mean, does it makes sense to you that a weapon that is far longer, way easier to use -requires less motion too- can be worse than a weapon that is shorter and requires more effort to actually reach your opponent? And no, you can't just "get past the spear", as the spear requires less effort and time to retract and do a stabbing motion again than a swordsman would require to move aaalllll the way and approach you and swing his sword or stab you.

There were times when I stopped and asked myself if the author really believes what they are writing would make sense logically. Some of the stuff I have read has made me want to burn my eyes. It's been two years and I have since then read tons of good novels, but I still can't comprehend how building a single ginormous theatre would save a capital city's slums and gain enormous amounts of profits. I am too tired to even hate that novel nowadays, I just want to know why the author thinks this is a good solution.

Then there were times when I just burst into laughter as characters who had powers to annihilate continents would simply just ride a horse to the battlefield. Or kings would simply gather together the most powerful superhumans together in a single unit and expect their blind loyalty with no effort to counter the power imbalance. Or how a reincarnated/ transmigrated person would rather just arm their soldiers with a fucking katana than a gun. Yeah, that is the technological advancement that will save your petty little shithole of a county now. Yes yes, I know, the katana is the greatest sword ever, but you see, the katana is a sword, and swords are fucking sidearms, not primary weapons, so how can you make me believe that a 1.2 meters long katana can be useful against a 3 meters long spear?

Can I also talk about how I almost had a stroke whenever I read a king has to do sooooooo much paperwork? PAPER FUCKİNG WORK? Do you even know what a king is? Kings probably spent more time shitting and pissing than doing paperwork, do you know why? Because there were fucking institutions that did the work for them as any rational man would come to the conclusion. The joke about a king not sleeping due to paperwork is not funny, it is just dumb. I mean, there were common laws and the court of chancery, the office of exchequer, and various other offices, why would you even think a king himself would step down and involve himself in bureaucracy? Let me tell you if there ever was such a country that forced the king to do anything except basic reading and signing and occasional letters, then that country is doomed as fuck and needs to be destroyed as soon as possible so that new and more advanced technology and institutions can take its place.

Christine de Pizan's Livre des faits et bonnes mœurs du sage roy Charles V written in 1404 gives us a detailed generalization of Charles V of France's daily life;

...

"When he had been combed, dressed, and outfitted according to the demands of the day's program, his chaplain, a distinguished person, and honourable priest brought him his breviary and helped him to say his hours, according to the canonical day of the calendar. Around eight o'clock he would go to mass, which was celebrated each day with glorious, solemn singing.

As he came out of the chapel, all sorts of people, rich or poor, ladies or maidens, widows or others who had problems, could make their petitions to him and he very kindly would pause to listen to their supplications, responding charitably to those that were reasonable or piteous. More doubtful cases he turned over to some master of requests to examine.

After this, on appointed days, he would meet with his council, and then with some nobleman of his own blood or some clergymen who happened to be present. If some particular lengthy business did not prevent him, he would go to the table around ten o'clock.

His meal was not long, for he did not favor elaborate food, saying that such food bothered his stomach and disturbed his memory. He drank clear and simple wine, light in color, well cut, and not much quantity nor great variety. Like David, to rejoice his spirits, he listened willingly at the end of his meal to stringed instruments playing the sweetest possible music.

There one might find several kinds of foreign ambassadors, noblemen, and knights, of whom there was often such a crowd, both foreign and from his own realm, that one could scarcely turn around…There he received news from all sorts of places, perhaps incidents and details of his wars, or the battles of others, and all such matters; there he arranged what should be done according to what was proposed to him, or promised to solve some matter in council, forbade what was unreasonable, accorded favors, signed letters with his own hand, gave reasonable gifts, promised vacant offices, or answered reasonable requests. He occupied himself with such details as these for perhaps two hours, after which he withdrew and retired to rest for about an hour.

After this rest period, he spent time with his most intimate companions in pleasant diversions, perhaps looking at his jewels or other treasures. He took the recreation so the excessive demands on him would not damage his health, because of his delicate constitution, in view of the fact that he spent most of his time busy with demanding affairs. Then he went to vespers, after which, if it was summertime, he sometimes went into the gardens where, if he was in his Hotel of Saint Paul, sometimes the queen would join him with their children. There he spoke with the women of the court, asking for news of their children. Sometimes he received curious gifts from various places, perhaps artillery or other armaments and a variety of other things, or merchants would come bringing velvet, cloth of gold, and all sorts of beautiful, exotic objects or jewels, which he had them show to the connoisseurs of such things among members of his family.

In winter, especially, he often occupied himself by having read aloud to him fine stories from the Holy Scriptures, or the Deeds of the Romans, or Wise Sayings of the Philosophers, and other such matters until the hour of supper, where he took his place rather early for a high meal. After this, he spent a short period in recreation with his barons and knights before retiring to rest."

...

There was just a single mention of anything related to paperwork in the whole section, "signed letters with his own hand" and it just says he signed letters. He didn't even write them, because there were people who did that for him. So what a king would do was mostly to fucking listen to his vassals at most three hours a day, not even read or write. The fact that the king was larping with his buddies and playing a theatre play like Dungeons and Dragons had more emphasis than fucking paperwork is just hilarious to me.

I don't even want to mention how an author decided that a king would make his future wife lick his feet naked in front of the whole court. Fucking clown. Also, moving tens of thousands of troops across a desert is not a genius move, when you can simply use your "modern" high school knowledge and make a basic fucking gunpowder artillery and just take whatever fortress you fucking can with a simple amphibian assault.

All of this foolish, stupid, and degenerate bullshit irritated me beyond reason for many years, that's why I pulled a Thanos and said "fine, I'll do it myself". That is why I decided to write a WN a year after I failed and lost my passion for another story.

I cannot guarantee that I can write a good story, I am almost certain that my worldbuilding is subpar and my characters are dull, however, one thing I can do is to write a battle scene and explain a better -There! I said it! - function of a kingdom. I am not claiming it will be extremely accurate, however, I promise to follow historical examples and be as accurate to reality as possible while also maintaining the fantasy elements and the idealist view of my MC.

avataravatar
Next chapter