22 Secret Scars

The things you say you know and the things I wish you'll never find out. They sometimes blend together in the front of my mind. Trying to keep track of my secrets and lies. And yet, I try to open up and show you my heart.

You do things to me that I didn't know could be done. I find myself missing you when you've only been away a day. I find myself thinking of you at all hours and even in my dreams.

Sometimes I wish I had the courage to tell you about all my scars and empty memories. But then I remember that you're absolutely perfect and think of me as more than I'm worth. And I never want to ruin that perfect image. I never want to taint the beauty you see.

But in the dark of the night, I still have my scars. And in the light of the day, I put on a mask to hide my pain. All the while, wishing that you would stay even seeing my flaws. The cracks in my heart and shattered pieces that I call my life.

How I wish I could show you my scars and know you'd stay with me. How I wish I could promise you that I was whole and that perfect girl you see. How I wish I could laugh and smile and not have to hide my pain. 

The thoughts I think in the dark of the morning and the black of midnight. The things I want to say. The things that seal my lips. 

I shy away fro your touch when it's the only touch I want. I hide my face and lock away my heart. But you seemed to have found the key and opened the door I kept hidden for so long. You shed a light into my world that I never want to go away. 

I never want to see the dark side of that door, never want to be trapped in the dark, alone for eternity. 

I want to see the sun and the ocean. Feel the breeze on my skin and through my hair. I want to be warmed by a fire and your arms.  never want to be alone, trapped behind that door.

But all my life I've worn a mask. To hide my pain. My heartbreak. My loneliness. I've never questioned people's actions. I've just survived. I've worn my masks and spoken other's words. I've lived another life and sang anther song.

My scars stay hidden and my memories locked away. My heart guarded and my walls watched. My life a mask and my voice not my own. 

My story has stayed under lock and key, never to be read, never to be seen, never to be thought. 

Words: 472